Conservatives Hate New Pope Now, For Being Dumb Commie Tree-Hugger

They really don't make popes like they used to. You know, the kind who may have sorta kinda been in the Hitler Youth -- but reluctantly! And then kinda sorta tried to cover up all that unpleasantness about Catholic priests raping all the children, and bishops keeping it on the down low, when he was a lowly cardinal. And then, as Lord God King Pope of the Universe, gone around talking about how God made girls like this, and God made boys like that, and homos and feminists are fucking it all up, goddamnit, plus those uppity radical feminist nuns, boy, they're a real problem.

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Instead we get New Pope Frank, who is like, let's be a little bit more like Jesus, maybe, and a little bit less like some douchenozzle Republican running for U.S. president, m'kay, boys? (They are all still boys, because Jesus said NO GIRLS ALLOWED, except for his mom.) And America's conservatives? They are quite displeased with this new pope tryin'a commie up the place and save the whales and feed the poors and gross stuff like that:

Pope Francis' drop in favorability is even starker among Americans who identify as conservative -- 45% of whom view him favorably, down sharply from 72% last year. This decline may be attributable to the pope's denouncing of "the idolatry of money" and linking climate change partially to human activity, along with his passionate focus on income inequality -- all issues that are at odds with many conservatives' beliefs.

Right, we think we heard something about that? Sen. Jim Inhofe (R-Fossil Fuels Industry) told the pope to keep his nosy pope nose outta climate change. As did Rick Santorum, America's most Catholic Catholic, who said the pope is Not A Scientist (except he sorta is), and he should leave politics to the politicians, like unemployed fired senators from Pennsylvania. And the Koch Brothers sent their very own Heartland Institute "scientists" to the Vatican to explain to dumb ol' Frank that it says, right there in the Bible, that fossil fuels are good for you, and also toxic sludge. All because New Pope says climate change is real, and we should probably get on that before we're all dead.

And there's New Pope's hating on rich people, because they are THE WORST. And he's like, let us take from the rich and give to the poor, and redistribute the wealth, mothafuckas! You know who doesn't like that? Rich people:

“I don’t get economic policy from my bishops or my cardinal or my pope,” GOP presidential contender Jeb Bush told supporters at the time.

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The pope's approval numbers have dropped among American liberals too, though not as much, but that's what you'd expect from godless heathens, isn't it? That's OK; he can probably win re-election even without their vote. Also? His numbers are still higher than ex-Pope Benedict H. Nazi Boy Ratzinger's ever were in U.S. America, as Gallup notes:

Benedict was plagued by priest abuse scandals in the last years of his papacy. Americans' views of Benedict were higher before 2010, but never as high as the 76% achieved by Francis last year.

Well, that's something, then. American conservatives might not care for New Pope's gay-loving, Earth-saving feminazi agenda, but at least they recognize he's still better than the Nazi pope who shrugged off kid-raping. Though we don't recall them denouncing that pope, left and right, and demanding he leave politics to them, and respectfully telling him he is a science idiot, and also they don't care what he has to say about anything, because he's not the boss of them, even if they are Catholic so he sorta is, ACTUALLY. But maybe we just forgot.

[Gallup via Politico]


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