Convicted Felon Dinesh D'Souza Still Mad Obama Put Him In Jail Like A Common Felon

We were really excited at the prospect of never having to think about Dinesh D'Souza ever again. Like the Elder God of Smug Dickery, however, Yogg Doucha hath risen from the briny depths for to wax his wroth. Tremble, mortals, tremble, because you're laughing too hard at this sad, pathetic sack of farts to stop trembling.

[contextly_sidebar id="MKnRBTEZkqwQ2jYVA2YrwztImItQ5oYR"]If you've forgotten, Dinesh D'Souza was a conservative writer, "documentarian," andadulterer of some notoriety, until OBUMMER personally had him thrown in prison for illegally donating tens of thousands of dollars to his pal's Senate campaign. For his high crimes, D'Souza was cruelly exiled to the farthest reaches ofSiberiaSan Diego to sit in time-out and think about what he did.

But now, like Douglas MacArthur before him, D'Felon has returned with some dumb book or something, and the National Review's Andrew McCarthy wants to make sure you know all about the change in D'Souza's political philosophy. Spoiler: it's that he's somehow even more of a dick. 

But McCarthy wants you to know the truth of how Dinesh D'Souza incurred the wrath of our vengeful God-King Barack I of Mooslim Kenya. HOW HAST THOU DISPLEASED XERXES, DINESH?!

D’Souza had nevertheless...made himself an enemy of Obama, a man as vengeful as he is powerful. In the stretch run of the president’s 2012 reelection bid, D’Souza released his documentary film 2016: Obama’s America...The film was extraordinarily successful and drew sharp rebukes from the White House and Obama allies.

A 25% critical rating on Rotten Tomatoes is indeed "extraordinarily successful." Sure, it doesn't approach the dizzying heights of brilliance of the 56% attained by the universally well-received Star Wars: The Phantom Menace, but then again, D'Souza didn't have the commanding presence of Jake Lloyd at his disposal.

McCarthy also wants you to know that what D'Souza faced was HORRIBLE and TERRIBLE and WORSE THAN PRISON:

Berman was dissuaded from imposing a prison term. But what he did to appease Justice’s baying for blood was arguably worse. Berman sentenced D’Souza to eight months of halfway-house confinement, a form of detention that requires the defendant to spend the nighttime hours in a spartan, dormitory-type facility but to work in the local community during the day.

...

Moreover, had D’Souza been given the 10-to-16-month sentence prosecutors urged, he’d have been sent to a minimum-security prison camp with other low-level offenders. A halfway house, by contrast, is a way station for serious criminals: murderers, rapists, gang-bangers, big-time drug traffickers, and the like.

Clearly, having to pick up trash on the freeway is infinitely worse than having to spend a year and a half in a federal penitentiary. That's why so many people in halfway houses are so desperate to break the law and go right back to prison! Or, wait, no:

To be sure, it is not the same as encountering such hardened criminals in prison. In a halfway house, the imminence of release and the possibility of being sent back to prison for misconduct are a powerful incentive to good behavior.

Run through Google Translate from Bullshit to English, this reads: "To be sure, I am keenly aware my point here makes no fucking sense." Run through Bing, it reads: "Bad men house in catapult release be sent back to good egg dance party." This is why we don't use Bing.

Still, for a man as foreign to this element as D’Souza was, the prospects were cause for great anxiety...D’Souza, it turns out, was relieved to find that his companions comported themselves with civility.

Poor D'Souza; instead of sipping a fine Malbec au toilette in a minimum security country club with his fellow persecuted warriors for truth, he was cruelly subjected to having to associate with THUGS and POORS and POSSIBLY BROWN PEOPLE who might MURDER HIM IN HIS SLEEP, except not, since they were actually nice to him or whatever.

But from the seeds of his horrific persecution for a crime he definitely committed, D'Souza has seen a philosophical awakening:

The principal evolution in the author’s thinking involves seeing his political adversaries as, yes, enemies. And as criminals.

Oh, OK, so he's Ann Coulter with a penis and a felony conviction now. Cool.

D’Souza’s time spent with criminals has revealed for him a symmetry between the operations of gangs and those of progressives...The means by which gang-bangers and social-justice crusaders extort and justify their ill-gotten gains are, of course, different, but D’Souza sees no appreciable difference in their basic schemes.

See if you can follow the twists of tortured logic employed here: the people D'Souza was in a halfway house with weren't bad people, but his time spent with them has convinced him that progressives are ... just as "bad" as the criminals who weren't actually mean to him? Also, social justice crusaders are stealing America, wah wah wah #GamerGate, we think, maybe? We're having trouble parsing what the fuck D'Souza and McCarthy are even trying to say, other than "WE VERY MAD BABBYMEN, WE MAKE STINKY IN INTERNET DIAPER."

But OK, try to explain it further, Andrew:

America flourished because it was an anti-theft society: freedom inextricably linked to the protection of private property, unleashing creativity, entrepreneurship, and unprecedented prosperity. The progressive critique of that society is not advanced in good faith; it is, as D’Souza portrays it, a “con.” Its purpose — not its unintended consequence but its aim — is to seize the wealth and power of achievers.

D'Souza has cracked the case. Progressive philosophy is inherently theft because taxes and the social safety net and welfare queens and entitlements and socialism and CONSERVATIVE TALKING POINT BINGO, YAY!

Dinesh D’Souza implores us to recognize the con for what it is, and work, as he works, to expose it, rather than dignify it as an alternative political philosophy. America, he contends, is well on the way to being stolen. We will lose our country if we fail to reaffirm our anti-theft roots.

Raise up arms, brave Americans! Join proud Crusader-Felon Dinesh D'Souza as he leads us into a new age of the privileged smugly shitting on the poor and being utterly convinced they're the persecuted ones after all, an age that will look functionally identical to the current one, huzzah.

[ National Review ]