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After Trump deployed the "League of Extraordinary Kiss Asses" to middling results last week, it was time to release the Kraken. Kellyanne Conway, counselor to the "president" and Ann Coulter's final wish on a monkey's paw, went to CNN's "State of the Union" and "Fox News Sunday" to do what she does best: try to sell a shit sandwich by "dipping it in chocolate and saying it has no calories."

Let's start at her first appearance of Sunday morning, on CNN. As Dana Bash began, it became clear Conway was gonna bring that same "powerful woman" energy she deploys when talking with female Washington Examiner reporters accidentally on the record:


BASH: Let's just start with the basics. The president of the United States asked a foreign power to investigate a top political rival. We read the summary in the July 25 call. We also saw him do it in public. Was that appropriate?

CONWAY: Well, I have the transcript of the call right here. And I'd like you to show me where that is. I mean, you can circle where there's a quid pro quo. You can circle where he asked him to...

BASH
: No, I'm not asking about...

CONWAY
: Excuse me -- where he mentions 2020, where he mentions -- where the president mentions holding up aid. The Ukrainian president has said he didn't realize any aid was being held up -- quote -- "He felt no pressure." And this entire phone call is about two presidents of respective countries talking about how they got elected. The president of Ukraine says, I modeled it after you...

BASH
: So, Kellyanne...

CONWAY
: ... draining the swamp. Well, but then let's be clear. We don't need Ukraine's help to beat Joe Biden, anymore than we needed help to help beat Hillary Clinton.

BASH
: I'm not asking about that right now. I'm going to ask about the quid pro quo in a second.

CONWAY
: But that's important.

BASH
: No, what is important is -- the question I'm focusing on right now...

It only got more hostile from here as Bash read exactly the parts of the released & incomplete Ukrainian call transcript that shows Trump asking a foreign leader to investigate a political rival.

BASH: You don't have to say 2020 for it to be...

CONWAY: No, that's -- that -- I have to push back on all of that.

Conway then proceeds to insinuate the already debunked Ukrainium One conspiracy again before Bash then debunks it again.

BASH: So, because you brought that up, I want to tell you that -- a couple things. Current and former Ukrainian prosecutors general have publicly said that Ukraine does not have any information about any wrongdoing by Hunter Biden, OK? That's number one. Number two, the US government, the EU, the IMF all wanted this prosecutor that you're talking about fired, because he was not pursuing corruption.

Conway then moves to filibuster the interview and tries a new tactic:

BASH: It is OK for the president of the United States to ask a...

CONWAY: It's not impeachable.

Yep! That's where we are in this cycle of THIS Trump controversy. We are at the "Yeah, he did it. BUT is it really impeachable?"

Yes. Yes it is, Kellyanne! Giphy

Conway told so many lies and interrupted so much on CNN that we have to move on to her Fox interview before we run out of space. But before she left, she did show a sign of covering for what eventually will be revealed by not answering this very direct question from Dana Bash.

BASH: Can you say definitively no quid pro quo for this military aid?

CONWAY: No quid pro quo in this call in terms of the president...

Bash tried to push on this question more but, like before, Conway was giving herself enough room when eventually OTHER calls or the full transcript reveals the quid pro quo. Here is Conway on CNN. It will give you a terrible headache.

Was there a quid pro quo? Conway says she doesn't know youtu.be


Conway then made her second round of spin over on "Fox News Sunday" with Chris Wallace -- and had much less luck. Conway once again insisted there was no quid pro quo and insinuated there's missing context because Adam Schiff, why not.

CONWAY: [...] What we haven't seen is the fullness of the 8 or 10 hours each of them have spent testifying because everything is ... I guess Adam Schiff is growing mushrooms in the dark in a secret process. Which is unfortunate because you can't put the toothpaste back in the tube. You can't cure what has been a flawed process from the beginning [...]

It's so cute for Conway to use the mushroom example considering her storied career of feeding people shit and keeping them in the dark. Wallace reminded Conway (and the viewers) of the same precedent being used in other investigations, like Benghazi, and that the rules were adopted by Republicans in 2015. Wallace then proceeded to cite the numerous high-level Trump appointees that testified that that is EXACTLY what they saw Trump do. Conway then insisted there was no extortion because they eventually released the military aid to Ukraine "unlike Obama who gave them 'pillows and blankets' instead." This lie about Obama's Ukrainian aid, which was repeated on Sunday shows this week by Kevin McCarthy ("Face The Nation"), Steve Scalise ("This Week"), and Tom Cole ("Meet The Press") has already been debunked here. It's also besides the point as Wallace pointed out the timeline for Conway.

WALLACE: You're missing the point. The aid was withheld until –
CONWAY: The Ukranian president says he has no idea the aid was withheld.

Except he did! The $391 million military aid was passed and approved on the 2019 Federal Budget. The Trump administration initially told Congress it was releasing the aid to Ukraine on February 28 and repeated that assertion to Congress again on May 23 without releasing it. Even Mitch "Grim Reaper" McConnell couldn't get an answer where the money was during the summer, which is why Ukrainian President Zelenskiy inquired about it during the July 25 call. The aid remained unreleased until September 11th, which coincidentally is AFTER the Inspector General informed the House Intel Committee of the whistleblower's complaint on September 9!

Wallace pointed this "coincidence" to Conway, who then stuttered her way through the end of interview. Here is the clip.

Conway: House impeachment inquiry vote doesn't make a difference youtu.be


Maybe Trump's "Kidz Bop Karen" should realize we can see/hear their lies.

Same energy as Kellyanne Conway.

Have a week!

Michael watched all of that so you (and we) didn't have to. Help us pay Michael, won't you please?

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Michael Mora

Pop Culture observer & Comics fan. Amateur Movie Reviewer. Political Freelance Writer @wonkette. Marine, Husband & Dad. Opinions are mine only.

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