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To be fair, this has nothing with New Mexico. But it's still a great picture.


Republican New Mexico Gov. Susana Martinez was definitely not tipsy at all when police were sent to a Santa Fe hotel to investigate complaints about a loud party, no matter how pissy and maybe a little slurry she sounds in recordings of her trying to shoo away the cops. On Friday, Martinez apologized in a written statement for the fracas, which followed a larger holiday party held in the hotel's ballroom.

An employee at the Eldorado Hotel called police at around 1:30 a.m., on Dec. 13, to report that a party in a fourth-floor room had caused several complaints from other guests; here's the Santa Fe Police dispatcher recording obtained by the New Mexico Political Report:

Hotel Desk Lady: They’ve been warned already and they’re still not quieting down. They were told to leave and we were told to call you guys [...]

Dispatcher: OK, do you know if they have any weapons or anything like that?

Desk Lady: Uh, no, I don't. I just know that they were throwing bottles off the balcony, I believe, earlier.

The dispatcher says they'll send officers to escort the troublemakers from the property, and the desk lady offers to have hotel security meet the cops when they arrive.

Call #2 features Gov. Martinez coming on the line to give the police a good talking-to and demanding demanding to know what all this nonsense is about:

Martinez: Hi, this is Governor Susana Martinez ... Yes, tell me what the complaint is? Why are you coming to the Eldorado Hotel?

Dispatcher: 'Cause we were called out there...

Martinez: For what purpose?

Dispatcher: Uh, reference to loud noise.

Martinez: Loud noise? We're in a room, eating pizza.

Dispatcher: I'm sorry, ma'am, someone called us out there and we have to go...

Martinez: Someone? Who is "someone?"

Dispatcher: I can’t give you that information, ma’am...

Martinez: Why can you not? It’s public record. Give it to me.

We should note that Martinez doesn't at all sound like someone throwing her title around here, which happens to be Governor of the Great State of New Mexico, in case you didn't catch that.

While the dispatcher has her on hold, Martinez takes a little time out to badger the desk lady in hopes of finding out who narced on her friendly get-together. The desk lady won't give up the room number of the fink, no doubt a Democrat. We'll let the Santa Fe New Mexican handle the dialogue from here:

"Tell me, what room number?” Martinez said. “Are they on the fourth floor?” As the conversation went on, Martinez persisted: “I want to know who they are.”

“I’m not allowed,” the hotel worker said. Martinez shot back: “Oh, you can tell it to the police, but they won’t tell you? You won’t tell me? I’ll get it from the cops.”

How can Martinez crush the impudent meddlers if she doesn't know who they are? We wonder if the desk clerk knew that this was the governor she was dealing with. We have a feeling she may have.

Call #3 is comedy gold, as Martinez finally has a police supervisor to push around, not some lowly desk grunt. The sarcasm is almost unbearable:

Martinez demands to know who reported the party to the front desk, and the supervisor insists she doesn't know. We hope the complainers have entered the Witness Protection Program, because Martinez sounds like she's ready to order a drone strike. She also seems utterly astonished that just because some hotel clerk called the police, the police would go to shut down a private party. And does the supervisor even know who she is?

So we’re sitting in there, I’m the governor of the state of New Mexico, and we’re in there with my sister, who’s disabled, along with about six other people who are having pizza.

Why is the Santa Fe PD picking on disabled people like this? Is there no justice? The supervisor explains that there had been reports of bottles being thrown off the balcony, which Martinez knows is hogwash:

I’m sorry. There’s no one on the balcony and there’s no one throwing bottles off the balcony. And if there were, it was about six hours ago.

Martinez once more presses the supervisor to reveal who ratted out her pizza party. God only knows what she had in mind for them. And about those bottles: It never happened, she says to an officer who has arrived, and she knows because she is a Time Lord:

There’s no one been throwing bottles off. I’ve been in that room for at least two hours, and if there was it was about six hours ago.

Everything is, we are eating pizza and drinking cokes and whoever was throwing bottles is not there, hasn’t been there for like six hours.

Two hours, six hours, it's all relative. Martinez did at least issue an apology Friday, explaining that she's real sorry about whatever it is that was going on:

"I want to apologize for the conduct of my staff the night of our holiday party,” she wrote. “There was apparently a party in a hotel room earlier in the night that was disruptive. Someone was also throwing snowballs from a balcony. None of that should have happened and I was not aware of the extent of the behavior, until recently. And that behavior is not acceptable.

“I also want to admit that I made a mistake when I went to speak to the receptionist and asked her about the complaint. I should not have gotten involved in trying to resolve the situation, nor should I have spoken to the dispatcher on the phone. I was wrong to speak with them like that, and I apologize.”

In an interview with Albuquerque TV station KOB, Martinez denied that she was trying to abuse her power:

I just wanted to know what was the situation, how can we resolve it, explain it to the receptionist. It was very quiet when we went up there. And we simply were going to eat pizza and leave.

All of the mentions of her title were no doubt merely an attempt at clear communication, we're sure. She also told the TV station that she'd only had one and a half cocktails in the space of four or five hours, although we're not sure whether she meant martini glass sized, or one of those giant novelty glasses the size of your head. Pizza will make one thirsty.

[contextly_sidebar id="ug7BgwcBW5RVrLQ4psdGedGEBp3Fz9bT"]We still don't know where Bristol was during all this. Probably whaling on some dude. And draining the last of the liquor from those "snowballs."

[HuffPo / New Mexican via Political Wire / New Mexico Political Report]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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