Corey Lewandowski Will Make Sweet Extramarital Love To Senate Race, F*ck Congressional Subpoenas
Fox News screenshot

Corey Lewandowski, COME ON DOWN! You're the second contestant on the Trump Fuckin' Up Local Elections Show! Last season, the audience was treated to the spectacle of Kris Kobach being foisted on Kansas voters by presidential endorsement, defeating sitting Governor Jeff Colyer in the Republican primary, only to go down to Democrat Laura Kelly in the general. In Kansas! Turns out, furiously humping Trump's leg isn't actually a winning strategy in a place where Democrats and independent voters make up a sizable portion of the electorate. Womp womp!

But Corey's a scrapper, especially when it comes to the ladies. Will he rise to the challenge and take on New Hampshire's Democratic Senator Jeanne Shaheen in 2020? It's looking more and more likely. This week, Trump's shady-ass pollster Tony Fabrizio was flogging a dubious survey showing Lewandowski beating all the declared Republicans. On the subject of his viability against Shaheen herself, Fabrizio was silent. Last night, Lewandowski got a shoutout from Trump at his Manchester MAGA rally. And RNC Chair Ronna Romney McDaniel gushed to Politico, "Obviously, Corey is a star. He's going to do really well if he debates any Democrat, Shaheen."

And if by "star" Ronna means a raging dickhead who once got arrested for bringing a gun into a congressional office building, grabbed a (Breitbart!) reporter and threw her on the ground during the 2016 campaign, slapped a woman's ass at a Trump gala and laughed that it was allowed in the "private sector," suggested that the current Republican governor of New Hampshire is associated with Hamas, and ran around on the mother of his four kids with a much younger campaign staffer, then your Wonkette is entirely in agreement.

One place Lewandowski is likely to be a real star is in the House Judiciary Committee, where he was just subpoenaed to appear and 'splain to Congressman Nadler about the time when Donald Trump summoned him to the Oval Office and asked him to order Attorney General Jeff Sessions to limit the Mueller investigation. According to the Mueller Report, Trump told Lewandowski -- who was, lest we forget, not a government employee -- to fire Sessions if he refused. At which point, Lewandowski walked out of the office, handed his typed marching orders to White House Deputy Chief of Staff Rick Dearborn, and got the hell out of Dodge. Because even a vindictive sumbitch like Corey wasn't touching that shit, although he did check in later with Dearborn to make sure that it was handled. Dearborn told Lewandowski he'd taken care of it, which was a lie.

CNN reports that the White House is mulling invoking executive privilege over Lewandowski's testimony, a claim which would be even more facially bogus than the claim of absolute immunity by former White House employees Don McGahn, Annie Donaldson, and Hope Hicks. Nonetheless, Trump's loyal hands have reached out to the Justice Department to see if it might be open to dummying up an opinion saying that there IS TOO executive privilege for conversations between Trump and his civilian pals.

According to CNN, there's strong skepticism at the White House that this privilege ploy will work, even if they do manage to get Bill Barr to run with it. (Safe bet there!) And then there's this cryptic piece of reporting:

White House officials do not believe Lewandowski will be able to cite immunity to avoid answering questions, because it is reserved for government employees, but maintained there is a possibility they could invoke privilege over some of his answers.

HENGHHH???? Are they somehow claiming that they'll let Corey tell Congress what he's already told Robert Mueller, but then they'll bottle it up as an Exec-You-Tiv Priv-Lij Seeeee-krit? Is there a gas leak at the White House?

All this should make for some excellent politicking next year should Lewandowski decide to throw his hat in the ring. Although, Politico reports that local New Hampshire Republicans have told the White House that they need Lewandowski like a hole in the head -- and that was before the House subpoena dropped. Quick, someone call Ronna back and get her to go on record saying this subpoena is actually good news for Lewandowski's campaign, because it shows he's a real threat to Democrats or something. That craven liar changed her own name, so you know she'll say any nonsense.


[Politico / CNN]

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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