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Senate Democrats Promise To Fight About the Budget 'Next Time'

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  • The Senate is expected to vote today on a bill that would extend funding for the federal government for two additional weeks while also cutting four billion clams from current spending levels. Senate Democrats are "conceding defeat this time," but vow to say mean things about John Boehner before voting on a similar bill two weeks from now. “I don’t like this death by 1,000 cuts, but I also don’t want a government shutdown,” says Senator Barbara Mikulski (D-MD), who will most likely vote today to die by 1,000 cuts. (Cutting Pro Tip: It's "down the highway" not "across the street.") "Democratic senators suggested Tuesday they would win — next time." Yes. Yes, of course. [The Hill/CNN]
  • A Pakistani cabinet minister was assassinated, apparently because he opposed the country's strict blasphemy laws. (At least we know Raymond Davis didn't kill him?) [BBC]


  • The nonstop earthquakes ravaging Arkansas are "very possibly an after effect of natural-gas drilling," according to naive "earthquake experts" unfamiliar with Hugo Chavez's Earthquake Machine. [Fox News]

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I wasn't ready for Koko the gorilla to die. She was just 46, so still young well past the upper age limit for a gorilla, but I'll miss her. She loved cats, told mildly amusing jokes, and put up with people, so she was a lot like your weird aunt.

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Donald Trump held one of his televised cabinet meetings today in which he railed about the terrible Democrats who forced the current border crisis (at a time when illegal border crossings are actually lower than usual). In what's sure to be his favorite phrase on Twitter for the next few days, Trump blamed "extremist open-border Democrats" for all the problems he brought on himself with his family separation policy, and explained that Democrats were simultaneously hurting illegal immigrants AND the rest of America by forcing Normal America to accept Central Americans who fled to the US. It made loads of sense! And then things got ... less so.

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