Scott Walker Gets Some Chris Christie All Over Him, On Purpose
With a little over a week to go before Election Day, Scott Walker is increasingly a man in need of a helping hand. His once-certain re-election as King of Wisconsin has taken up residence in every pollster's "no idea, don't ask us" box, the U.S. Supreme Court cruelly dashed his hopes of excluding thousands of largely Democratic voters from the polls, a new batch of documents just dropped from the investigation that's taken down a half-dozen of his underlings and cronies, and his opponent Mary Burke has been landing punches (with ads) and drawing big crowds with visits from a string of Democratic superstars.
Faced with the late realization that plunging his state into financial crisis while pre-presidenting his way through the conservative con-fab circuit might not have been a winning formula, Scott rented a deluxe bus and took off on a last-minute barnstorming tour on Saturday, making sure to book some time with one of the GOP's the hottest campaigners for the final days before the election.
It might seem a little awkward for New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie to be stopping by to help Scott get across the finish line, given their shared affliction with Early Cycle Presidential Hope Syndrome. This did not escape the reporters following Christie during his visit to Wisconsin a month ago, when one of them asked whether he thought Walker would make a good president.
Listen, Governor Walker is a great governor, and he would do good at any executive position that he wanted to pursue. But I know this much, because I've spoken to him about it -- he's not focused on anything beyond November 4th and neither am I. And whatever happens beyond November 4th is a decision that he'll make about his future and that anybody else that's considering that will make about theirs. But he's an outstanding executive, and he'd be good at any executive position that he'd wanna pursue.
All you need to know about both men's chances in the 2016 primary is in Scotty's beaming smile when Christie gets the question. He hasn't figured out how to be cool and act fake-exasperated with the press for asking. Total freshman.
Image via YouTube
Besides hanging around with Chris Christie, what can save Walker's governorship at this point? He's too busy trying to keep his job to actually be a governor right now, and one week is not nearly enough to repair the damage he's done to his state during his first term in office, but there's still a chance he'll be able to shine in a time of crisis. While he's unlikely to have a Hurricane Sandy Fleece on the Beach moment of his own before Election Day, we've seen, all too vividly, that wholesome political pandering can run up against bloody harvest-season violence in small-town America without warning.
We urge the county fairs and roadside patches along Scott Walker's bus tour to be on their gourd for false flag Pumpkin Rioters, outside agitators bused in to sow unrest and give Walker an opening to show Real Leadership by suppressing the Orange Revolution with all those armored vehicles Wisconsin cops have hanging around. Our country does not need more of its young people caught up in the frenzied rage we saw in Keene. Never forget!
Walker's Democratic challenger, former state commerce secretary and Trek Bicycle executive Mary Burke, will be appearing with the current president in Milwaukee on Tuesday, following rallies with Bill Clinton and Michelle Obama. Burke is in a statistical dead heat with Walker and needs one last showering of your wonkbucks to help take her through the final stretch. What do you say, Wonketteers? Are you sick of Scott Walker's smug dismissal of the need for a minimum wage, his demands that women seeking health care submit to invasive ultrasounds, his total failure to fulfill the basic requirements of his office? Then buy a better future for Wisconsin, with your money!
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