Crazy Old Michele Bachmann Is Somehow Only 55 Years Old Today
Suburban Minnesota monster Michele Bachmann is celebrating her 55th birthday today, probably by playing "pin the gun on the Kenyan." When the certifiably insane foster-baby farmer won her congressional district seat back in 2006 (the "Year of the Democrats," haha), who knew that she was less a clownish anomaly than theactual future of the Republican party. Who knew that this proudly ignorant, lie-spouting duckface would soon come to represent the entirety of Republican thought? When she locked her flapping lips onto then-president George W. Bush's face at the State of the Union address back in 2007, who knew that such freakish, embarrassing behavior would soon define the entire GOP and its willfully ignorant "angry white oaf" division, the Tea Party? Congratulations, Michele! You've made "stupid" go mainstream in Washington!
In the days before Michele Bachmann, Republicans used to have to pretend to "follow the issues" and "engage in semi-logical debate," even as they were pursuing their two primary goals of a) shoveling money and federal largess to the super-rich and b) hypocritically engaging in sex-crime trials against abortion and blowjobs even as they all schtupped "Young Republican" intern boys under their desks.
Michele changed all that. No longer would Republicans have to even pretend to know history or understand budgets or even be able to read the basic notes staffers prepared before another Fox News appearance. Just say whatever, and look crazily at something way off in the distance, and repeatedly call the president a spooky African. Winning the future!
Michele shares her special birthday, April 6, with Black Francis/Frank Black, teevee's Lando Calrissian, legendary California singer/songwriter/guitarist Merle Haggard, master of the pan flute "Zamfir," radical pan-African peace activist and amateur soccer player Bob Marley, and homophobic scumbag and vicious opportunist and amoral terror-promoter Ian Paisley of Northern Ireland.
Also on this day:
1919: Mahatma Gandhi calls a general strike against the capitalist racist oppressors.
1929: Louisiana Governor Huey P. Long is impeached over his nickname, "The Kingfish."
1994: The Rwandan genocide begins.
Happy April 6, everybody! Go leave Bachmann a birthday message on her "e-card."