Crybaby Donald Trump Is So Effin' Scared To Debate Hillary Clinton, You Guys
Same Trump, different day.
Lost amidst all the news about how Donald Trump is a super duper coward who's making barely veiled death threats against Hillary Clinton because he can't handle that he's losing to a girl (that's what Elizabeth Warren tweeted and we're stickin' to it) has been some other news about Campaign 2016! It ALSO involves Trump being a goddamned coward, big surprise.
[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/605008/donald-trumps-debate-prep-strategy-mostly-involves-prepping-to-weasel-out-of-debating" target="_blank"></a>[/wonkbar]We told you last week that Trump has been trying to weasel out of doing debates with Hillary Clinton, because he is a scaredy baby with tiny hands. He's done this, in part, by making up lies about the NFL sending him letters begging to have the debate times changed, because #footballreasons. Hillary's campaign, for its part, has said, "Yes, we will debate Donald Trump, because we are a grown-up running for president, and also we ain't scared like he is." The campaign added, "AWWWWWW, IS THE BABY GONNA CRY BECAUSE OF HILLARY?" Maybe not verbatim, but that was the general tone of the statement.
Well NOW, Trump has told Time magazine in a phone interview that OK, OK, OK, he will do the debates, but he wants to be able to set the rules and pick the moderators and have his ass licked and make sure there are no hard questions, and moreover, if everybody doesn't declare him the winner immediately, then the debates probably shouldn't even count:
Donald Trump said Tuesday that he will commit to three debates this fall with Democratic rival Hillary Clinton, but may try to re-negotiate the terms that have been agreed upon by a bipartisan commission.
“I will absolutely do three debates,” Trump told TIME in a phone interview. “I want to debate very badly. But I have to see the conditions.” [...]
“I renegotiated the debates in the primaries, remember? They were making a fortune on them and they had us in for three and a half hours and I said that’s ridiculous,” Trump said. “I’m sure they’ll be open to any suggestions I have, because I think they’ll be very fair suggestions. But I haven’t [seen the conditions] yet. They’re actually presented to me tonight.”
Trump said he reserved the right to object to the commission’s choice of moderators, which have not yet been announced. [...]
“I’ll have to see who the moderators are. Yeah, I would say that certain moderators would be unacceptable, absolutely,” Trump said. “I did very well in the debates on the primaries. According to the polls, I won all of them. So I look forward to the debates. But, yeah, I want to have fair moderators … I will demand fair moderators.”
Donald Trump is SURE they'll want to negotiate with him, because presidential debates are just like primary debates, and we're sure the nonpartisan folks from the Commission on Presidential Debates (CPD) can't wait to hear the whining of the losing candidate who's losing, about how it's all so UNFAIIIIIIIIR.
Because what if they bring in a scary lady like Megyn Kelly again, and she bleeds from her wherevers all over him by quoting him directly or something? That would force the thin-skinned Donald to have a very embarrassing temper tantrum that would drive his polls even lower than they are, and those low poll numbers -- probably fake poll numbers, pffffft -- would just be proof that the debates are RIGGED, RIGGED, RIGGED, RIGGED!!!!!!!!!!111!