Donate

This is his lawyer you guys.


The saga of Christopher Cantwell the Crying Nazi continues. He's got himself a lawyer now, one Elmer Woodard, who showed up to court wearing an "early-1800s-style red waistcoat with gold buttons, bowtie, white muttonchop whiskers, black velcro shoes, and a a 1910s-style straw boater hat." Because that is exactly the kind of outfit one needs to be wearing when one is delivering closing arguments that start with "Now, I may not be a big city lawyer, but..."

Woodard, pictured above in the Ben Franklin cosplay, was Cantwell's fourth choice to represent him. The first three other lawyers he contacted were not interested in representing him. Wonder why!

Now, I am not a big city lawyer either, but it seems that Woodard is, in fact, a pretty terrible lawyer. Although Cantwell has already admitted to spraying a protester with pepper spray, he is trying to argue that maybe it was water.

He is also trying to claim that video of Cantwell talking about how much he hates the Jews and saying Heather Heyer deserved to get murdered is "hearsay," which I am pretty sure it is not. Again, not a lawyer, but I do watch a lot of Law and Order, so I feel pretty confident that a literal videotape of you saying something is not hearsay. Because it is you saying it, and not another person saying that you said it.

Amazingly, Woodard is claiming that Cantwell's whole Nazi schtick is just COMEDY. Comedy that we are all not hip enough to get.

Woodard then offered what he said was a quote by comedian Jackie Mason, saying that “take my wife, please"” was obviously not intended as a literal desire to kill or abandon a woman (the quote is actually from Henny Youngman). He compared Cantwell’s hate-filled monologues against Jews, blacks, Muslims, and other minorities on his podcasts to Mason.

Woodard said it was all a “shock jock” act.”

Jackie Mason, let us note, is quite Jewish.

Here, for no reason, is another picture of Woodard in cosplay.

Cantwell, for his part, is asking his supporters to not only send him money, but also to "monitor" his accusers online. In a jailhouse phone call with Unite The Right organizer Jason Kessler, Cantwell said he wants "everybody" to keep an eye on their social media accounts in case they talk about having "set him up."

Kessler: I know you brought up your accusers before, and tellin’ people not to go after them. I think that’s wise. But isn’t it right that people should look into these people and their social media, and see like if they’re cheering like, “Oh we set Cantwell up, blah blah blah” — we can present that in court. I think people should be monitoring their social media.

Cantwell: I 100% want everybody finding out everything they can about these people. Monitor their social media, archive their tweets, do everything you can to catch them in lies because they tell them all the time and they will be easy to catch because they’re very fucking bad at it.

He was, however, careful about saying he didn't want people "antagonizing" his accusers, comparing Charlottesville to Hitler getting arrested during his first attempted coup.

Well, and listen to me, I’m not even just trying to make a goddamn record here. You are not helping me or anybody else if you go and you antagonize these people, which — here’s what we need to do, okay? And this is — look, anybody that’s familiar with The Daily Stormer knows Andrew Anglin, okay? And he made a comparison of Charlottesville to the Beer Hall Putsch, okay? Now, in the Beer Hall Putsch, this is what ends up getting Hitler locked up for treason, okay? And he realized during the course of that that you had to do this legally. You could not take power by force. You have to go through the motions, you have to do things through the system because these people are too goddamn powerful.

Yes, the Nazis want to overthrow our government the right way, like Hitler did. Of course, if they really want to learn a lesson from Hitler's mistakes, they should probably consider the fact that he lost WWII and ended up committing suicide in an underground bunker. Maybe they should marinate on that for a while before they decide it's a good idea to try and follow in his footsteps?

[The Daily Beast | Angry White Men]

Don't give your money to Nazis, give your money to WONKETTE! Click click click on our tip jar below!

Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

$
Donate with CC
Image: Marriott Hotels

Great GOP wordsmith Frank Luntz, the guy who gave us the "death tax" and who urged the George W. Bush administration to talk about "climate change" since it was less politically motivating than "global warming," did some more of his characteristic word magic today! While staying at the Hotel Imperial in Vienna, Austria, Luntz offered this cautionary tale about the evils of socialism, as illustrated by the shoddy conditions in a 5-star luxury hotel owned by Dubai's "Al Habtoor" conglomerate and operated by Marriott:

Talk about your grim hellholes! Apparently, there's only one elevator in the entire building, and it's been broken for three days, proving that European-style socialism is a failure that should never be imported to the USA, where -- damn it! -- all buildings work!

As some smartass pointed out, now Luntz may have to take the STAIRS, like a common Bolshevik!

We're still trying to get our heads around how a delay in getting an elevator fixed in a luxury hotel owned by the United Arab Emirati proprietors of Dubai's

  • Habtoor Grand Resort
  • Waldorf Astoria Dubai Palm Jumeirah
  • Habtoor Palace, LXR Hotels & Resorts
  • V Hotel, Curio Collection by Hilton
  • Hilton Dubai Al Habtoor City
  • Metropolitan Hotel Dubai
  • Al Habtoor Polo Resort

as well as

  • Imperial Hotel, a Luxury Collection Hotel, Vienna (Austria)
  • Hilton London Wembley (United Kingdom)
  • Hilton Beirut Habtoor Grand (Lebanon)
  • Hilton Beirut Metropolitan Palace (Lebanon)
  • President Abraham Lincoln Springfield – a DoubleTree by Hilton Hotel (United States)
  • InterContinental Budapest (Hungary)
  • The Ritz-Carlton, Budapest (Hungary)

is an example of the horrors of socialism, but then, we don't earn the big bucks like Luntz does. Austria is among the 14 richest countries in the world, so we're fairly certain it's not a commie hellhole. Then again, there is a very strong social safety net, so maybe people in subsidized housing stole all the elevator parts. Or perhaps the elevator would have been fixed sooner if only Austria didn't have such strong unions. It's a mystery.

Or maybe it's that NATIONAL socialism that's the problem, seeing as it has socialism RIGHT IN THE NAME!

Adolf Hitler, once a day labourer outside the Hotel Imperial Vienna, returned as the Führer and "delivered a speech to a rapturous crowd from [the hotel] suite's balcony, on 14 March 1938", according to www.famoushotels.org.

We suppose it's worth noting that the Imperial is decidedly not owned or operated by the Austrian government, where a far-Right coalition has recently imploded -- although maybe Luntz is confused about that, since official state guests are traditionally housed there. In any case, the elevator's busted, it's in Europe, Europe is socialist, and Frank Luntz is homesick for America, where no elevator ever goes unrepaired for an entire weekend. It simply has never happened because of our efficient free market!

Still, Luntz's tweet inspired some valuable reflections on how economic theory shapes the reality of everyday life. This is the kind of Austrian economics we can support.



In conclusion, capitalism always allocates resources efficiently and fairly, although that still doesn't explain why Frank Luntz has a job. And now it would be your DOKTOR ZOOM'S BIRTHDAY PARTY OPEN THREAD, if only the socialists would fix the elevator, the end.

Yr Wonkette is entirely supported by donations from you, the reader. Please send us money so socialists won't make us take the stairs.

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

$
Donate with CC

Spinal Tap - Gimme Some Money

Some dick is suing your Wonkette! If you are able, will you please send money?

1. Pick "just once" or "monthly."

2. Pick an amount, like say "all of the money."

3. Click "paypal" if you are paypal or "stripe" if you are not paypal.

4. MONEY.

5. Carry on with your day, and with new posts below!

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

$
Donate with CC
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc