On the right: Favorite. On the left: LOL


Remember the "conventional wisdom" that Jeb! was the one who was supposed to be president of the all the things, and George W. was supposed to be burying himself in piles of brush he just dry-drunk crashed his tractor into on the ranch? Because Jeb was supposed to be The Smart One, though we have learned, over the course of the Republican primary season, Jeb is NOT the smart one.

Well, according to Jon Meacham's new biography of Poppy Bush, Destiny and Power: the American Odyssey of George Herbert Walker Bush -- the same one in which we also learn that it was Dick Cheney's fault President Dubya sucked -- the elder Bush never liked Jeb the best:

George HW Bush, now 91, was blunt in his response to the theory that Jeb was singled out for preferential treatment, telling his biographer: “The whole idea that Jeb was the favourite one because he was more knowledgeable – that’s all bullshit. Nothing to it.”

Jeb agrees, jealously:

“If I were ‘The One’ no one told me about it [...] I didn’t get the memo. And the relationship between George and Dad is incredibly close and loving.

“I’ve always been bemused by people who state as fact that which is highly speculative, or untrue, which happens a lot. I don’t think my mom and dad think that way – ‘He’s the one, more than that one.’ Literally I never had a conversation about that. Ever. I’d say in terms of topics of conversation in the Bush family: family; sports; and then … well, that’s about it.”

Right, the Bush family NEVER talks about "politics" or which son is best to carry on the Bush political name. Can't imagine how that would even come up. Except when the Bushes named "George" mysteriously disappear after dinner and say, "Don't worry, Jebbers! We're going to go and talk about Top Secret Missions!" and Jeb thinks to himself, "Awwww, they are going to get me a birthday present!"

So where did this conventional wisdom come about? Meacham writes that on paper, Jeb looked better than Dubya. But we now know that Barb would never have looked at Poppy and said, "Ayup! Jeb's the best thing that ever emerged from my Downstairs Bush." She's the one who went and opened her yapper on the television about it. Should Jeb be president? NOPE:

Even Barbara Bush agrees with me.

A video posted by Donald J. Trump (@realdonaldtrump) on

And who's on Jeb's long list of endorsements? Well, there's ONE guy named George Bush, but it's the one who's Jeb's SON, not his brother or daddy. They MAY be on the fence. They may be Ready For Hillary for all we know. MAYBE they are feeling the Bern!

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Clearly, Wonket's theory of All The Bushes Hate Jeb (and that Barbara makes fun of him constantly whenever he enters the room) is much better than whatever "conventional wisdom" Meacham cites, and we've discussed recently our amazing track record with wildly speculative theories we make up.

We also speculate Barb sometimes gets so excited during these Bush Family #JokeTimes she cracks audible farts. Poppy's biographer is free to confirm or deny, but we doubt the Bushes share such intimate moments with a mere biographer.

Oh sure, the biography discusses a couple incidents when the elder Bushes were Sad About A Jeb Thing, like a stray cat that shows up one day, and sure, you'll feed it, but it's not living inside your house:

“In late November 1994, on the evening of the day of the groundbreaking for Bush’s presidential library in College Station, Barbara and Jeb sat down for a talk over supper at the Post Oak Grill in Houston. ‘It kills me that he hurts so,’ Barbara wrote in her diary. ‘He worked so hard and so long. I know he was exhausted from being such a good sport and, I’m sure, seeing GWB with all the praise and state troopers must give him a twinge.

“‘He told me that the one great joy he had election night was that George won. At one time he asked me “How long was it going to hurt?” That killed me.’

It sucks when your big dumb brother gets to do presidenting and you have to wait your turn and everybody still hates you, because you're too stupid to even do zippers.

[The Guardian]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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