Daddy, What Did You Do During The War On Dr. Seuss And Mr. Potato Head's Dick?

Our brother, who is funny, texted us this yesterday:

Imagining a day in the not too distant future when all conservatives have children's books and toys displayed proudly with gendered pronoun title cards in little display cases. Like if you proclaim yourself as a conservative and someone comes into your home they're going to expect to see your altar of canceled children's media that you pray to. "In the name of the racist birds from Dumbo, Amen."

The 24/7 wingnut pantshitting freakout about the untimely murders of Mr. Potato Head's very large and starchy cock and a handful of Dr. Seuss books continues apace.

Tell us, Glenn Beck, is (the fact that you all are just shamelessly lying about) Dr. Seuss getting CANCELED (nope) and Mr. Potato Head getting CANCELED (it never fucking happened, Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head still exist in the Potato Head Extended Universe, they made it up) the literal END OF FREEDOM? Is it FASCISM? Do people need to "Buy Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head" in order to save the world?

Yes, he says! Gotta build that altar of canceled children's media, after all!

Very serious person right there!

Tell us, Mark Levin, would you "strongly encourage" us to "go out and get a Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head"?

LEVIN: I would strongly encourage you to go out and get a Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head.

Would you strongly encourage us to watch the Muppets?

LEVIN: I would strongly encourage you to watch the Muppets.

(The Muppets didn't get canceled either. They are all on Disney+. They just have a few disclaimers before certain episodes. We have been seeing people posting about watching them ever since this weekend.)

Would you strongly encourage us to get the Dr. Seuss books and the Curious George books?

LEVIN: I would strongly encourage you to get the Dr. Seuss books and the Curious George books.

Tell us, though, Mark Levin, are you upset that the way liberals have turned moron conservatives into cats with laser pointers by canceling everything (not canceling everything) is distracting from other things you also racistly find important?

LEVIN: [W]hile we're focused on Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head, and the Muppets and Dr. Seuss and Curious George, let me tell you what else we're not focused on. The massive increase in murder in our inner cities, the massive increase on Black-on-Black murder in our inner cities. Instead, what are we supposed to do? Start banning books, you see, then we'll feel better. Ban the books, but undermine the cops.

This is the hellish existence that the left is creating for us.

WHAT ABOUT BLACK-ON-BLACK CRIME, says the white man who strongly encourages us to buy a Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head so you can line them up on your couch with their distinct potato genitals showing and read them "banned" Dr. Seuss books.

Another fine specimen of a human being.

Tell us, Sean Hannity, about Mr. Potato Head and Mrs. Potato Head and how they don't even come with Mr. Potato Peens or Mrs. Potato Hoo-Hahs anymore:

Tell us, Sean Hannity's chyron, is there BREAKING NEWS about how Barack Obama said something nice about Dr. Seuss in 2015, as opposed to 2021, when he LITERALLY PUTS DR. SEUSS IN JAIL EVERY NIGHT? Is this a real GOTCHA moment?

Here is Hannity asking a Black commentator, who was clearly brought on only to be yelled at, just who has been hurt by these specific Dr. Seuss titles. When the guy failed to provide names and addresses, another Black commentator, Sean Hannity's Black Friend we guess, proceeded to scream at the first guy that he doesn't speak for the Black community, and that if he couldn't give the first and last name of somebody who had been hurt by these books, then YOU SHUT UP RIGHT NOW!

One more from Hannity. Aaron Rupar noticed that Hannity's producers accidentally debunked the entire fake narrative about Joe Biden/the libs canceling Dr. Seuss, by using a graphic that included the AP quote from Dr. Seuss Enterprises about how "These books portray people in ways that are hurtful and wrong," in the story about how THIS WAS THEIR FCKIN' DECISION IN THE FIRST PLACE.

Good thing most Hannity viewers probably can't read words good!

It's of course still going today. Here's some fucking Fox News moron doing a GOTCHA to Vice President Kamala Harris, because she PRAISED Dr. Seuss in 2017, as opposed to 2021, when as we all know she MURDERS DR. SEUSS ALL DAY.

"Tweets never go away!" says the Fox News moron, who is under the impression she is in the news business.

Seriously, this is alllllll they are talking about. If your dumbass right-wing aunt watches Fox News, this is what she thinks is the news right now. Aaron Rupar and others who apparently got cursed by an evil wizard who won't free their families unless they monitor rightwing media all day long, they got more screenshots.

It's not just Fox News either, obviously.

And Ben Shapiro:

Finally, here is world's stupidest former GOP congressman/current Fox News host Jason Chaffetz completely self-owning when a guest tries to remind him of that time it was snowflake wingnuts canceling the Dixie Chicks because they criticized George W. Bush.

Also too, anybody remember that time conservatives canceledThe Lorax, because that book is too nice to the environment?

These people are the stupidest, most embarrassing losers this country has ever produced, and we didn't even get into Ted Cruz. Glad there's nothing important HE should be focusing on! Unfortunately, they also represent a large part of the entire "philosophy" of one America's two main political parties.

Their descendants will look back at them with derisive mockery, if they look back at them at all.

[Media Matters]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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