Daily Caller Troll Distracts Media From Fact That Daily Caller Also Published *History's Greatest Column* Today


Whoever the Daily Caller's managing editor is, probably "Cactus Joe" or some such, made a pretty amateurish pacing error today. Trolling the president with a dumb question and then lying about it is great "content," yes, but not if you run it on the same day that you're running the most profound insight into political theory since Plato/Jesus. Now it's buried right before the weekend, fools! But that's okay, we'll do our part to help it go viral anyway. Columnist Mark Judge, who recently had his bike stolen by anunknown suspect and then decided that he didn't like black people in general, has a few thoughts on baseball. How does baseball intersect with politics today? In the form of 19-year-old Nationals player Bryce Harper, the subject of "Bryce Harper, conservative hero."

The first sentence of "Bryce Harper, conservative hero" is "Bryce Harper is a conservative hero." Why? "The star rookie for the Washington Nationals has woken up Major League Baseball, and watching it unfold has reminded me of nothing so much as the collapse of the old political paradigms and the inevitable and upcoming rebirth of conservatism in November." This is what Bryce Harper's success has reminded him of more than any other possible thing. Bryce Harper's success doesn't remind him of Willie Mays, or Ken Griffey Jr., or what it was like when he, Mark Judge, was 19 years old, or the first baseball game he ever saw, or the best World Series he ever saw, or that time a black feller (probably) took his bicycle, or other sports he likes to watch, or anything else as much as it's reminded him of the "collapse of the old political paradigms and the inevitable and upcoming rebirth of conservatism in November." It's like that time he found a lost Cheetoh stuck to his taint and it reminded him of the Defenestration of Prague.

This became clear to me on May 26 of this year.

What happened on May 26 of this year, the year Two Thousand and Twelve?

The Nationals were playing Atlanta, and in the fifth inning Harper, with his team leading by two, singled to right.

Did he really?

The ball was hit to Braves right fielder Jason Heyward.

Wow it was?

Heyward strolled up to the ball as if he were walking to the corner for a paper.

Just like he's getting the papers, great. And then what happened?

Harper promptly headed for second base.

The second base, this is the one for which he headed?

Heyward suddenly woke up and fired to second base, but too late.

Smart baserunning decision from Bryce Harper, you're right. Thanks for sharing. He sounds like an exciting baseball player and I look forward to watching him play baseball, now. If you don't have anything else to add--

Heyward’s bungle showed a complacency, if not indolence, that Harper threatens to destroy, but it also could be a metaphor for the collapse of the old liberal order.

And how could it be a metaphor for the collapse of the old liberal order, Mark Judge? Because -- and no disrespect meant, Mr. Judge, you're a great writer who's helped us see the light on numerous occasions; when a person of unknown race stole your bicycle and you appropriately blamed the 12.5% of the national population who are African-Americans, we totally "saw what you were getting at" -- because it seems sort of strained, to be honest. Like you're just going to say "DERP DERP the lazy outfielder is like a UNION THUG TEACHER or MAYBE OBAMA" for your explanation. Sorry, that's over-the-top and condescending. Whatcha got?

Heyward was like one of those public school teachers who, because they are a union member, can’t be fired and so are relegated to the “rubber room” to sit and read the paper and gather a check for the rest of their lives. Or even Obama, who went from Hawaii to Harvard to the White House and never seems to have had to slide head-first into a base his entire life.

You can read the last 3/4 of the column at the media outlet that published it and actually wanted people to read it, The Daily Caller.

[Daily Caller]

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'Bella" by Wonkette Operative 'IdiokraticSubpoenaKommissar'

Sunday already, which means a substantial portion of US America is preparing to be astonished/heartbroken/outraged by the series finale of that show with the dragons, while another portion is just going to stay off Twitter for three days because nothing will make any sense. Yr Dok Zoom tends to come very late to trendy things, so get ready for our own thoughts on the gamy thrones show sometime in about 2023, or never. But we'd be glad to tell you just how much we enjoy the brilliance and humanity of the Cartoon Network series "Steven Universe," which debuted in 2013 and we started bingeing on the Hulu last month, late again.

Hell, we still want to talk about that one Mrs Landingham episode of "The West Wing," which we first watched years after it aired (We finally bought our new used car yesterday, and know one thing: don't drive over to the White House to show it off to President Bartlet). We might even get around to reading Infinite Jest someday. We hear it has something to do with a superhero team and a guy named Thanos. So hey, let's talk about culture and missing out and patching together some knowledge of what's happening anyway.

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Get Me Roger Stone

Roger Stone, his wife would like you to know, is broke. And he is not dealing with it well. Once in khaki suits, gee, he looked swell, full of that yankee-doodle-dee-dum, but now no one calls him Al anymore and he has to stand on a street corner singing "Brother Can You Spare A Dime?"

Yesterday, the conservative but also kind of Never Trumper site The Bulwark revealed the details of a grifty "fundraising" plea sent out by Stone's wife Nydia, begging supporters to give money to the Stones in order to help them keep up the lifestyle to which they have become accustomed.

It was titled "I am embarrassed to write this."

"Dear Friend," begins the missive. "My husband and I have an urgent new problem and we need your help. I told my husband I was going to write you, one of his most valued supporters. I am embarrassed to write this, but I must."

"Mrs. Roger Stone" tells a tale of woe: FBI agents swooping in on them at the crack of dawn to arrest her husband, a subsequent "fake news" feeding frenzy causing friends and fans to abandon the Stones.

"He laid off all our consultants, contractors and employees, and we have 'pulled in our belts' like so many Americans in 'tight times,'" she wrote, sounding for all the world like a plucky working-class patriot, not the wife of a man who made and lost his fortune lying in the service of power.

She should have been more embarrassed.

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