Dan Coats Probably Gonna Get Fired Now, For Being Smarter Than President Dipshit
Director of National Intelligence Dan Coats just keeps making news! He's been making statements about how the lights are "blinking red" on Russian interference in the upcoming midterm elections, and when Donald Trump very publicly made out with Vladimir Putin in Helsinki on Monday, Coats casually released another statement clarifying that "blinking red" means DAMMIT, TRUMP, stop rolling over for Putin and begging for belly scratches! It's clear Coats is in a very "WTF" headspace right now.
Coats showed up Thursday at the Aspen Security Forum for an interview with Andrea Mitchell, only to be greeted onstage with the breaking news that Trump has decided to double down on being a Russian intelligence asset, by inviting Putin over for pizza and gossip sometime later this fall. Just in time for the midterms! This is what it looks like when a member of the Trump administration who is apparently sane hears breaking news about a sudden, irrational decision by President Dipshit McBonkersDick:
Good morning, Dan! You are still in hell!
In fact, Coats addressed how he lives in hell that during the interview:
Sounds like every morning in the Wonkette chatcave.
It was a truly remarkable interview, and Coats gave a solid defense for how he does his job and why he stays, even in the face of a president who undermines the intelligence community at every turn. Coats takes Russian election interference seriously, and he's not scared to call Russian attacks on our democracy by their name, unlike his shithole boss. And he had many other thoughts on many other things!
On Trump's un-chaperoned meeting with Putin:
If he had asked me how that ought to have been conducted, I would have suggested a different way. But that's not my role. That's not my job. So it is what it is.
That's right, he wouldn't have done Helsinki, but well fuck it, the Trump administration didn't ask the DIRECTOR OF NATIONAL INTELLIGENCE.
On how Russia probably put one million "wire tapps" in the room in order to compromise the American president even more than he already is:
That risk is always there.
Did Russia put a "wire tapp" in the soccer ball Putin gave Trump?
Really, he laughed, then said he assumes they checked the soccer ball for "wire tapps."
And does he even have a clue what happened in that room? Nah. And we don't either! All we know is there were "deals." Like maybe Trump and Putin made a deal for Russia to hack the midterms and then they made a deal to send Michael McFaul to Putin for being a very bad boy and oh who the fuck knows what else.
Here's the full interview, for when you have time, which is right now:
Inside the White House, Trump's advisers were in an uproar over Coats's interview in Aspen, Colo. They said the optics were especially damaging, noting that at moments Coats appeared to be laughing at the president, playing to his audience of the intellectual elite in a manner that was sure to infuriate Trump.
"Coats has gone rogue," said one senior White House official, who spoke on the condition of anonymity to provide a candid assessment.
Goddamn him for being a smart guy with a sense of humor who can handle himself in a room full of intellectuals! Does he not know how embarrassing this is for President StupidBrain McWordsBad?
Hey remember that time Rex Tillerson said Trump is a fucking moron and now he's gone?
Hey remember that time H.R. McMaster said Trump is fucking moron and now he's gone?
Anyway, according to Axios, people in the White House are now speculating on when Coats will be fired, for being good at his job, which means the only competent people left in the entire Trump administration will be Chris Wray and Rod Rosenstein.
So, if Dan Coats gets fired for being competent and smart and too honest for Donald Trump, who will replace him? Well, we are not saying this is an exclusive scoop or anything, we are just saying we saw it on the internet and CONNECT THE DOTS, MORONS:
Just kidding, Kimberly Guilfoyle is going to some Trump-sucking moron PAC, which means the new DNI is obviously going to be Judge Jeanine Pirro.
We are well and truly fucked.
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