GOP Rep. Dan Crenshaw: Democrats Want To Deny Americans Dignity! (Of A Painful COVID-19 Death)

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Although it might feel like decades, we're actually only several weeks into our COVID-19 staycation. However, Republicans have had enough of our lollygagging. They believe America should get off its ass and get "back to work," as if America is coping with a bad breakup instead of a devastating pandemic.

Texas started reopening businesses last Friday. The state also reported 1,000 new coronavirus cases for the fourth consecutive day Sunday. However, when Rep. Dan Crenshaw appeared on Jeanine Pirro's Fox News show this weekend, he was the Lone Star state's official “everything's fine" meme.

CRENSHAW: I think the right thing is happening in Texas ... You can't run and hide from the virus forever.

Governor Greg Abbott didn't issue a stay-home-order for Texas until March 31. He lifted the order May 1. That's not forever. Crenshaw notes there's no vaccine for COVID-19, so we can't remain holed up in our homes indefinitely. Dr. Anthony Fauci has said that a vaccine is possibly a year or more away. That's also not “forever." It's just not NOW! Crenshaw served in the Iraq War, which went on for eight years. Republicans like to compare this pandemic to a war, but they're usually not in such a rush to end actual wars. Although, they do have a thing about prematurely declaring “mission accomplished."


CRENSHAW: After our retreat from [COVID-19], we had to confront it. We're better prepared. We have better knowledge about the virus. We understand who's vulnerable, who isn't.

Yeah, that's a bunch of nonsense. And even if we know conclusively “who's vulnerable," there's very little Texas is doing to keep those people safe.

CRENSHAW: We understand how to take personal responsibility and risk mitigate in every single thing we do.

As Crenshaw said this, the accompanying video showed a guy driving a cart around a golf course. It's unclear what risk he was mitigating there. Austin parks were reportedly packed this weekend, and the demonstrated “personal responsibility" was underwhelming.

From the Statesman:

"Y'all got your masks?" a man jokingly yelled at a group of college students standing in the water at Commons Ford Ranch Metropolitan Park.

"Yeah, they're invisible!" the women joked back, and the group laughed together.

No one at the park, including them, was wearing a mask or appeared to be keeping at least 6 feet of distance from others Saturday afternoon.

Crenshaw insisted Texans understand “what a new normal looks like" and we have to “trust people to take personal responsibility." Personal responsibility, you say? These geniuses are close to drenching themselves with gasoline while dancing to “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go."

Zoolander (4/10) Best Movie Quote - Orange Mocha Frappuccino! (2001) www.youtube.com

But Derek Zoolander's idiot friends only hurt themselves. Texans who shrug off social distancing guidelines are helping promote COVID-19's spread.

Ashley Siegfried, 25, said she and her friends planned to continue practicing social distancing from strangers since Abbott lifted the stay-at-home order, but they would not wear masks in public.

"To each his own, but ... none of us have ever worn a mask at the grocery store or anywhere else," Siegfried said. "Just keep your distance; don't touch your face; wash your hands."

Refusing to wear a mask at a grocery store shows an appalling lack of respect for the workers who aren't leaving the house to party. They're helping society function. The least we can do is not endanger them. After 9/11, people wore flag pins, which while boasting a certain jingoistic flair possess no terrorist-repelling properties.

Austin can't enforce the use of face coverings, and Abbott will only go so far as to “encourage" social distancing. This is where we remind you that Texas has some of the strictest abortion laws in the country.

Pirro and Crenshaw agreed that COVID-19 has proven a dream come true for Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and her socialist puppets in the Democratic Party.

CRENSHAW: They have a fundamentally different way of looking at this problem. Whereas [Republicans] want to get people back to a sense of dignity, to a sense of working, to a sense of providing for themselves. [Democrats] are happy to continue keeping people at home and pay them ... Eventually, that turns into everyone being a def acto government employee and the economy disappears.

Oh no! AOC's evil scheme is finally revealed! She and her Democratic lackeys want to keep us alive so that we'll power the Matrix as government-subsidized drones. Thankfully, longtime government employee Crenshaw has kindly explained how we're all better off dead for the economy and ... uh ... freedom!

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He's on the board of the Portland Playhouse theater and writes for the immersive theater Cafe Nordo in Seattle. Tickets are on sale now for his latest Nordo collaboration, "Curiouser and Curiouser," an adaptation of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass." It promises to feel like an actual evening with SER (for good or for ill).

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