Possible appointment as Secretary of Staring Menacingly

Fox News commentator, rightwing icon, shameless self-promoter, and occasional Milwaukee County Sheriff David Clarke has resigned from that last job, issuing a statement saying, "After almost forty years serving the great people of Milwaukee County, I have chosen to retire to pursue other opportunities." Let us take a moment to contemplate the kind of world in which there actually are "other opportunities" for someone who keeps letting people die in his jail.

Clarke's letter of resignation was remarkably terse for such a great public servant:

Yes, of course: Even his official stationery has self-aggrandizing bling on it.

Clarke has long been far better at saying outrageous shit for the sake of getting his name in the media, like when he warned Black Lives Matter would inevitably team up with ISIS:

Also that time when Clarke declared the Women's March on Washington, which brought hundreds of thousands of protesters to the nation's capital and didn't involve a single arrest, represented "a total collapse of the social order." Clarke was pretty sure it was a riot anyway, since it involved people who didn't like Donald Trump, and also the most extreme, violent Leftist taunting he'd ever seen in his life:

Also, someone else was brutally assaulted by glitter, yet police were suspiciously absent.

New York magazine's Jonathan Chait summarized some of Clarke's accomplishments in the field of law enforcement earlier this year when Clarke announced he'd be taking his incompetence to the next level and joining the Department of Homeland Security in some capacity:

He oversees a prison that is notoriously brutal. Four people have died of mistreatment and torture in his custody. One newborn baby died while its mother was shackled during childbirth; another prisoner died of dehydration, after the water in his cell was shut off for seven days. In 2013, one of his deputies ran a traffic light and T-boned the car of a civilian driver, who was badly injured. Clarke’s department charged the driver, who was actually sober, with drunk driving in order to cover up its own culpability.

Clarke is facing two federal lawsuits in the death of the prisoner who died of dehydration, and a third lawsuit related to the death of the infant.

Clarke eventually "rescinded" his acceptance of the DHS job offer, apparently because his paperwork involved "significant delays that contributed to his withdrawal,” as a source told the Washington Post in June. But it looks like maybe he has his papers in order finally, since Politico reports Clarke is headed for some kid of job in the White House, "according to two sources familiar with the matter." Whatever he ends up doing is likely not to be anything requiring Senate confirmation, because of all the baggage Clarke would be bringing with him. Then again, as Yr Editrix sagely noted in the Sekrit Chat Cave, "Why does everyone keep saying Clarke is unconfirmable? Is there ANYONE they haven't confirmed yet?" Point taken.

The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel cites "sources close to the sheriff" who said Clarke isn't headed for Washington, but is instead looking for "opportunities outside of government that support the Trump agenda and keep Clarke in the public eye." That sounds about right.

Milwaukee County Executive Chris Abele was not terribly heartbroken by the news of Clarke's resignation, saying the county now will be able to get a sheriff who is "more interested in integrating with the rest of the community and maybe more focused on solutions and allies than enemies and fights." Looks like Chris Abele doesn't want America to be Great Again.

Whatever role, if any, Clarke plays in the Trump administration, it's likely to involve advocating for maximum mayhem and aggressive displays of force for its own sake, just like Trump himself favors. Clarke notoriously sent sheriff's deputies and a search dog to badger an airline passenger at the Milwaukee airport after the guy looked at Clarke wrong on the plane. The federal civil rights lawsuit filed by that passenger is set to go to trial in January. When people said maybe that was an excessive response to a guy looking at him wrong, Clark explained why side-eye should be met with maximal police response:

So maybe Trump's looking for someone to organize his rallies who really will make sure any troublemakers are carried out on stretchers.

[Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel / New York / Politico]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Hooray, it's time for yet another dispatch from Fox News's big fun week of failure. (No, we mean even more failure than usual.) While all of Twitter is being annoying and talking incessantly about nothing but Bran and Daenerys and Carl and Peg or whoever they are, we have been (ignoring it and) focusing on all Fox's sadness, starting with Pete Buttigieg's town hall, where he called Fox News a piece of shit to its face. Then we laughed and laughed at Fox News idiot Pete Hegseth, who is sending lots of begging to today's college graduates, that they might immediately get dropped on their heads and forget all their education, so they might grow up to be the Fox News viewers of the future.

Oh, and we haven't even had a chance to LOL at the epic hilarity of Steve Doocy trying to do man-on-the-street interviews in Midtown Manhattan, shoving the mic into the faces of New Yorkers who literally don't care if he goes and plays in traffic. That was fun!

But the point of this post is that we have finally learned what makes at least some Fox News viewers tick, and it is that Tucker Carlson "laughs like a girl." That is not us saying that, that is a Fox News fan lady telling the Washington Post's Erik Wemple why she loves Tucker Carlson so much.

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Old White Guys Try To Explain Abortion

Throwing the baby out with the bathwater. It's your Sunday show rundown!


Michael is out, so I'm taking over your Sunday Show Rundown. This week everyone was talking about those awful abortion laws worming their way through state legislatures. As usual, most of the men were tripping on their dicks while trying to talk about vag. Luckily, there's enough women around to ladysplain things.

Bernie Sanders went on Meet the Press for the first time in FOREVER and played his greatest hits for all the kids. Sanders criticized Joe Biden's environmental policy (which is literally just "beat Trump"), stating that it wasn't "good enough." Sanders is right! (NO FIGHTING.)

SANDERS: Beating Trump is not good enough. You have to beat the fossil fuel industry, you have to take on all the forces of the status quo who do not want to move this country to energy efficiency and sustainable energy.

But then Chuck Todd asked Bernie a loaded question about women getting "sex-selective" abortions and the whole interview went off the rails. Bernie struggled to answer the dumbass question and came across looking stupid despite having spent the better part of the last week in Alabama railing against abortion bans.

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