Sheriff David Clarke Pretty Mad George Soros Making Him Stay Home Over Coronavirus
The world is shutting down. During times of crisis, they say the best lack all conviction, while the worst are full of passionate intensity. This brings us to former actual Milwaukee Sheriff David Clarke. The conservative Gap Band cosplayer believes America is collectively overreacting to the coronavirus because of “decades of liberal wussification." In his day, everyone walked to school eight miles both ways with an infectious disease and they liked it!
Clarke shared a piece by Clark Whelton, a former speechwriter for New York mayors Ed Koch and Rudy Giuliani. The article is called “Say Your Prayers and Take Your Chances," and while I think that worked as my wedding vows, it's not the best advice during a global pandemic.
WHELTON: My first encounter with a global pandemic came in October 1957, when I spent a week in my college infirmary with a case of the H2N2 virus, known at the time by the politically incorrect name of "Asian flu." My fever spiked to 105, and I was sicker than I'd ever been. The infirmary quickly filled with other cases, though some ailing students toughed it out in their dorm rooms with aspirin and orange juice. The college itself did not close, and the surrounding town did not impose restrictions on public gatherings. The day that I was discharged from the infirmary, I played in an intercollegiate soccer game, which drew a big crowd.
Although Whelton is willing to consider that maybe we were too blasé about infectious disease in the good old days, Clarke is disappointed Americans are stocking up on a major necessity such as toilet paper.
Clarke might resent the liberal "fake news" media but dragging newsprint across your ass isn't pleasant. I'd rather have TP over any other form of paper in the house -- napkins, coffee filters, notepads. Maybe Clarke is fine with corn cobs but that's his business.
Sheriff Clarke, who I believe once actually worked in law enforcement, recommended to his followers yesterday that they ignore government directives about social distancing. If anyone was dumb enough to take Clarke seriously and follow his advice, this could be dangerous.
Clarke is the same guy who blamed the Ferguson uprisings on “black cultural dysfunction." He called Eric Garner and Freddie Gray “criminal creeps." Conservatives sang his praises when he “restored order" In Milwaukee, Wisconsin, when there were protests over police violence. He was even (very briefly) considered for a job in Homeland Security, but now Clarke's demanding civil disobedience -- or “riots" -- because he feels personally inconvenienced.
If government-mandated shutdowns are an “exploitation of a crisis," who is pulling the strings? Clarke has brilliantly unmasked the puppetmaster like it's the climax of an anti-semitic episode of "Scooby-Doo."
Yes, it's that wacky George Soros again. Clarke has no evidence the almost-90-year-old billionaire is “involved" in the “flu panic," but that's only because the liberal media (that Soros secretly owns) won't uncover it. This is more than a little deranged and gross, but that's Clarke's brand. Please note that Twitter actually removed tweets from Clarke’s feed that were somehow more offensively banana pants than the ones above.
Now, please stay indoors and don't blame elderly Jewish men for your cratering 401K.
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Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He's on the board of the Portland Playhouse theater and writes for the immersive theater Cafe Nordo in Seattle. Tickets are on sale now for his latest Nordo collaboration, "Curiouser and Curiouser," an adaptation of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass." It promises to feel like an actual evening with SER (for good or for ill).