David French Has Earned This Bag Of Dicks Right Here

Did you guys hear David French wrote a thing? He is that guy who is kind of a never-Trumper but who also is a dyed-in-the-wool Republican who signs God Hates Fags declarations and whatnot. He's not evolving or anything. He doesn't like Donald Trump much, but he doesn't hate him enough to do anything about it. Put it this way: He's not bringing the mashed potatoes to Nicolle Wallace's Thanksgiving #NeverTrumper disco party, unless he is, in which case Nicolle, we need to talk about your dumbfuck friend David French.

In that spirit, he explains at National Review why even in Trump's America, which the president wants to turn into the world's stupidest fascist state, this is not a good year to vote for Democrats. Titled "The Democrats Have Not Earned Your Vote," it makes zero good points, yet is simultaneously a complete waste of time.

Let's read the article together and mock it when appropriate. (It is always appropriate.)

[V]oices from the left, the center, and what can only be called the "former right" are calling on Republicans and conservatives to abandon any kind of individualized determination for the sake of opposing a man who isn't on the ballot.

He means Donald Trump, because apparently David French hasn't noticed that since Trump's inauguration, the elected GOP has laid down and taken its pants off for Donald Trump, allowing the president to obstruct justice and otherwise violate the law, and it even seems like he's actively doing the bidding of the hostile foreign power that helped elect him! So yes, a vote against a Republican majority is a vote against Donald Trump, which means by extension that if you are voting for a Republican, you are voting for Donald Trump.

This is not complicated.

They're making that demand even as leading Democrats prove time and again that they will not moderate for the benefit of Republicans who change parties, will not compromise, and — crucially — will not even behave better than Trump himself.

Yes well actually it's not Democrats' responsibility to change what we believe in because a few Republicans have found the Lord and are opposing Donald Trump. If you'll notice, we're not the ones who nominated and barely elected a Russian intelligence asset as our president, or created the environment where that was able to happen in the first place.

Democrats claim that now is a critical time for public hygiene. It's time to hold corrupt, self-aggrandizing politicians accountable. I agree.

You see where this is going, obviously.

Ask your Democratic candidate if he or she is willing to publicly condemn New Jersey senator Robert Menendez — tried for public corruption and admonished by the Senate Ethics Committee for doing favors for a wealthy contributor in exchange for lavish gifts — the way that so many conservatives condemned (and ultimately rejected) Roy Moore.

Bob Menendez is a corrupt dingus who otherwise does a good job for his constituents in New Jersey. (And really, New Jersey, you ought to give him one more term and then primary him next time, OK?) Roy Moore was credibly accused of MOLESTING LITTLE GIRLS.

But yeah sure, buddy, Menendez and ROY MOORE are the same.

Look at your Democratic candidate's actions regarding Brett Kavanaugh. Did they credit facially implausible gang-rape allegations? Did they presume his guilt and declare they "believed survivors" even without substantiation and in the face of contradictory evidence?

No, we only credited the completely plausible gang rape allegations,based on the testimony of former high school and college classmates, including the college girlfriend of Kavanaugh's best friend Mark Judge, who said Judge had told her about some pretty gang-rapey stuff he and the boys used to get up to back in the old days. Also, there was shitloads of substantiation, and very little "contradictory evidence," unless you're huffing whatever paint Ed Whelan is huffing these days.

Did they participate in a campaign to destroy a man's life and career, only to drop the whole matter the instant he was confirmed?

LOL dumbass motherfucker thinks we've dropped it and moved on. LMAO.

French says some sane things about how Donald Trump is full of shit on the border caravan and is a terrible person who locks up babies and puts them in baby jails, and he agrees that stuff is very bad, but #WHATABOUT ...

Ask where your Democratic candidate stands on Hillary Clinton's rejection of civility

On her shoulders, that's where we stand.

Cory Booker's call for protesters to "get up in the face of some congresspeople,"

Well, if you run to be an elected representative of the people, then THE PEOPLE might get up in your face every now and then.

Eric Holder's declaration that "when they go low, we kick them,"


(But figuratively, the way Holder was talking, which is obvious to literally everyone who isn't being completely intellectually dishonest like a common David French.)

or Maxine Waters's ominous demand that ...

Oh just go fuck yourself, and we say that sans civility.

And while you're at it, ask your Democratic candidates if the challenge of Donald Trump is so grave that they're willing to moderate their positions on abortion, immigration, health care, gun rights, or religious liberty even in the slightest to win your support.

David French will vote for Democrats the second Democrats insist on exerting control over women's bodies, imprison all people with last names that sound kinda Hispanic-type, give every white child an AR-15 on her 5th birthday as the Lord intended, and make sure all right-wing Christians have the right to deny goods and services to the gays, because did we mention God Hates Fags?

There are those who will read this piece and decry the "whataboutism" or the "both sides-ism,"

Yes, there are those!

but isn't every single election an evaluation of both sides? Don't we have to compare and contrast candidates?

Yes, but that's not what "whataboutism" is. It's a Kremlin tactic, and David French is doing it VERY WELL.

I have a simple test for voting: I will vote for individuals of good character who share my political values. If both candidates meet that test (and they rarely do), then of course I vote for the person closest to my views. That means I evaluate the individual whose name is on the ballot, not the president who isn't yet up for reelection.

Shouldn't somebody writing for such an august publication as the National Review have a teeny weeny bit better understanding of American Politics, How Does It Work? Haha, unfair question, NRO has been gutter trash since old racist gasbag William Buckley founded it.

Each candidate has to earn your vote, and if no one has, it is entirely acceptable to write in a name or go on strike — to stay home until the political parties can produce a candidate worth your support.

OK, snowflake.

It's not that he thinks all Democrats are bad ...

I don't claim that every Democrat fails the test of character and policy

It's just that he really wants you to punish all Democrats because #BothSides and #WhatAbout and #ViolentJerkingOffMotion:

but I do know that the Democrats in general have. They demand public hygiene even as they're responsible for much of our political filth. They decry extremism even as they stampede to the left.

Blah blah blah blah blah, bored now.

OK, everyone, that's enough of this. Please do the civil thing and go punch the GOP in the dick today, WITH VOTES, even if you used to be a Republican and now you read Wonkette because you realized that we're way funner than the fucking dorks you used to hang out with, like David French.

[National Review]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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