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He's crying because he's a LOSER.


The David Vitter Era, if there ever was such a thing, is over. The rightwing senator from Louisiana was flushed away like so much doody in the state's runoff election for Governor Saturday, losing to Democrat John Bel Edwards by a ten-point margin, which for a Democrat in a southern state counts as an all-out landslide.

Following the loss, Vitter announced that he would not be running to retain his Senate seat in 2016.

[contextly_sidebar id="wmtHw99gHZUKFXJ6J5qbNWK7dEDKkngX"]Even though it didn't hurt him much in his 2010 Senate reelection campaign, Vitter's bid to replace Bobby Jindal as the white guy in the governor's mansion was sunk by his connection to the 2007 "DC Madam" scandal. He didn't much want to talk about it during the campaign, but the whiff of scandal and marital infidelity stubbornly clung to him this time, no matter how much he tried to wipe his reputation clean by apologizing for all the "hard times" he'd created by banging hookers.

[contextly_sidebar id="0yR5aAOHqfwLvSLx7wrqqY2IdY9faiFx"]Vitter also tried to enlist the help of one of those Duck Dynasty guys, who explained in an ad that Louisianans ought to forgive Vitter for his sins, because who among us hasn't banged a hooker while indulging a diaper fetish? Jesus was very open-minded on that sort of thing, as we all know from his admonition to Luvs your neighbor.

[contextly_sidebar id="yrtxhAsJN4RtvRbKXErETSwpaIJO9ZrJ"]Vitter's campaign wasn't even helped by a last-minute attempt to smear Edwards by suggesting that Edwards would import a million rabid Syrian refugees who would creep out of the bayous, cut off Louisiana Christians' heads, and shit down their necks. Didn't help a lot that Vitter's own wife, Wendy, is a lawyer working for the Archdiocese of New Orleans, which oversees Catholic Charities, the agency that works to resettle refugees in Louisiana. Or that Catholic Charities had resettled exactly one Syrian in the Pelican State, who lived there only briefly before moving to join his family in another state. Imagine that! Not even fearmongering about scary Muslims was enough to help. Louisianans are apparently not that into shitting their pants in fear. Or for fun.

[WaPo / The Hill]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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