Dead Breitbart Freaks Out Over 'Muslim Prayer Rug' Found Near Border, Sheeple See Only 'Shirt'
Dead Breitbart's Little Sisters of Perpetual Fear ran this breathless headline the other day, indisputable proof that al Qaeda terrorists are sneaking through our porous borders™, perhaps disguised as seven-year-old Guatemalan children: Muslim Prayer Rug Found on Arizona Border by Independent American Security Contractors.
Be afraid! Be very afraid! Because not only are the terrorists sneaking through our porous borders™, they're also either so clumsy or so brazenly certain that they won't be caught that they're casually tossing their discarded prayer rugs in the arroyos of the Sonoran desert in Arizona. See the astonishing photographic PROOF:
Thrill to Breitbart's story of plucky "independent contractors" who poked around in the washes near the border and found the chilling evidence:
A member of the security team spoke with Breitbart News on Monday night saying they were on patrol right along the border came down into a wash and the area were working in just south of Sierra Vista in Coronado national forest “That area is prime crossing from Yucca Springs over to Copper Canyon. And the reason that they use that area is anything from plain old Mexicans and South Americans to cartels and anybody else is because border patrol has a high point lookout area where in the Coronado national forest, tourists can come on up," He said [...]
The group patrolled along the border that was a patchwork of decades old rickety fencing made from train tracks and cattle enclosures. Eventually, they were 50 yards by the border and saw a break in the wash.
“That's when I saw this thing laying around. And I was like, 'What the hell is that?' We walked over there and I didn't really want to pull at it not knowing what was on it. I poked a bit at it with a stick and noticed some of the Arabic writing and was just like, 'Oh boy.' I snapped a couple of photos and then went on our patrol."
Arabic writing! That settles it, although for some reason Breitbart didn't include a photo of that, probably to prevent secret coded messages being seen by the wrong people. We appreciate their thoughtful concern for national security.
Despite this clear proof that Barack Obama is letting terrorists casually slip into our country, Gawker's America-hating socialist jihadi sympathizer Adam Weinstein is dangerously skeptical, casting aspersions on the Breitbart story of a clear and present danger. He disparages the "independendent" American security contractors," mocking Breitbart's description of the "security team" and suggesting that they may in fact be mere self-proclaimed militiamen or even loonies with AR-15s and Rambo fantasies. Which is to say that he's not sure he agrees with Breitbart a hundred percent on their police work, there.
Worse, he seems to think that the thin cotton or poly-cotton cloth has certain characteristics that are more typical of a "shirt" (in Spanish, "Camisa," or in Arabic, "قميص") than a "rug":
Weinstein presents a fanciful "photo analysis," the sort of laughably speculative guesses that you see in tabloid stories about such improbable phenomena as "UFOs" "Elvis sightings," or "Diagrams of the female reproductive system." Here's what he thinks he sees:
1. Here we see a waist hemline on the Muslim prayer rug.
2. This would be a sleeve opening on the Muslim prayer rug, just above the diamond-hatch red-and-white pattern so popular among lower-tier football clubs and militant Muslim prayer-rug salesmen.
3. Islamic scholars and Arsenal fans will immediately recognize "die marke mit den 3 streifen" here on the Muslim prayer rug.
And since one of Arsenal F.C.'s top sponsors is Emirates Airlines, that might just explain the mysterious "Arabic writing", which is right there in the logo:
Still, it's a hell of a catch by brave patriots, and possible evidence that America is under siege by a force even more threatening than al Qaeda: Footy hooligans.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.