Dear Gays, Please Come Back To Indiana. XOXO, Gov. Mike Pence
It's June, which means it is Gay Pride Month, and all the gays (ALL OF THEM) are flocking to this parade and that pride festival and what have you. Well, one of those festivals is happening in Indianapolis, and perhaps seeing that there are tourism moneys attached to those assless chaps and dykes on bikes, Indiana Republican Gov. Mike "49th Dumbest Governor In America" Pence has written a letter to reassure the gays at Indy Pride that they are very much welcome in Indiana, please forget about all that anti-gay nonsense from a few months ago:
"On behalf of the people of Indiana, welcome to Indianapolis," Pence wrote in the letter. "I am confident that those of you who traveled from out of state will come to know our famous Hoosier Hospitality."
Pence's short letter touts Indianapolis' attractions as a convention city but does not specifically address specific details or the purpose of the LGBT pride event.
"Although the letter doesn't specifically welcome LGBT to the city of Indianapolis, we appreciate that Governor Pence issued us this letter," said Indy Pride president Chris Morehead.
Hahaha, that idiot couldn't even mention gays in his LETTER TO GAYS. "Welcome to Indiana, home of the Hoosiers. While you're here, do be sure to suck some Hoosier Dick, for Hoosier Dick is among the friendliest, most hospitable dick in all of America, NO HOMO! Love, Gov. Pence."
Republican Indianapolis Mayor Greg Ballard wrote a letter of his own, to Indy Pride. His letter is better, especially considering how hard he stuck his fingers in Gov. Pence's dead eyeholes over Indiana's Religious Freedom Restoration Act (RFRA). Ballard, who will be grand marshal of Indianapolis's pride parade, wrote that he "offer[s] a special and personal assurance to you that Indianapolis remains an open, welcoming, and inclusive city." We like him, even if he is a dirty Republican.
Indiana's fight over the Fuck The Gays bill was one for the ages. The Republican legislature tried to throatcram the people with legislation that gave anti-gay wingnuts a special right to discriminate against gays, and Pence signed it even though he didn't seem to know what the fuck he was signing. He's definitely an anti-gay chump, but it's hard to tell which burneth hotter: his distaste for the gays, or the vast spaces between his ears.
Then every corporation in Indiana, save for one bigot pizza joint run by Deliverance extras, united to send Indiana lawmakers a message to fix it, or else, so Gov. Pence and the legislature stuck their gay-hating tails between their scrotum sacs and fixed it, good job, Indiana.
So have fun at Pride, gay Hoosiers, and stay away from the pizza.