Dear Liberals: Kindly STFU About Ruth Bader Ginsburg Resigning, With A Topping Of STFU Sauce

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It is an indisputable FACT, like gravity and global warming and how birth control is not abortion, that Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, aka Notorious R.B.G., is THE BEST. She has spent her whole life law-fighting for the super-radical feminazi legal theory that women are people, and when her male colleagues disagree with her because they are men and they think there is some legitimate question as to whether women are in fact people, she will get right up in their faces and scream from the bench (in a civilized tone, of course), "Nuh-uh, fuck you, I DISSENT, women ARE people," but nicer than that, of course, because she is A Lady, even though you totally know that's what she's thinking. She is a gen-u-ine hero, all-around badass, ass-kicker of cancer (TWICE!), judicial fashionista, and hero. (Yes, I said hero twice. Because she's THAT good.)


So of course some Very Serious Liberals are calling on her to resign, like she is some sort of half-term governor who can't take the heat. The argument goes something like this:

Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg should retire from the Supreme Court after the completion of the current term in June. She turned 81 on Saturday and by all accounts she is healthy and physically and mentally able to continue. But only by resigning this summer can she ensure that a Democratic president will be able to choose a successor who shares her views and values.

Thank you, Erwin Chemerinsky, dean of the UC Irvine School of Law, for pointing out that she is still capable of coherent thought even though she is, like, REALLY old, and no, it is totally not sexist to call on a REALLY old lady judge to selflessly put her own wants and needs aside for the good of others, like women are always doing, sigh. And yes, it is understandable that you, and other like-minded liberals are concerned that, were she to die on the bench in, say, January 2017, her replacement might maybe possibly not-inconceivably be nominated by a president who is not a Democrat, and that would be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad thing. (Although can we hit pause for just a second to point out that the current field of possible Republican contenders for 2016 pretty much assures that won't happen? Marco Rubio? Rand Paul? Jeb Bush? Mitt Romney? Rick Santorum? Spoiler alert: none of those guys are ever going to be president.)

But -- yes, of course there is a but -- there are a few points that are worth at least two seconds of consideration. Like how the first rule about SCOTUS is five is more than four. It is also the second rule and the third rule too. You can look it up. Right now, there are more conservatives on the Court and one more, tragic though it would be, would not actually change the ideological composition of the right-now today conservative Court. Yes, six is more than three, but five is still more than four. That's math for ya. Would we all miss RBG's righteous dissents? Of course we would. They are righteous and dissentalicious, we all want to make sweet sweet love to them because of how they are righteous and also dissentalicious. Unfortunately, righteous and dissentalicious dissents are not the law, darn the luck.

Here is another but. Liberals love to operate out of fear that they will lose all their powers and never have power again. That's why they are terrified to nuclear option the Senate filibuster because what if one day they do not control the Senate and cannot filibuster? That is understandable, but gosh, that is some real loser talk. Instead of planning for defeat, maybe we should focus on ensuring victory, huh? If we are afraid of a Republican winning in 2016 and replacing RBG with some mouth-breathing flat-earther from Liberty "University" "School" of "Law," maybe we should try real hard to not let that happen, huh? Just a thought.

Here is a third but: It is kind of dickish to show our deep nerdcrush love and appreciation for RBG by asking her to get the fuck out, you know? Fortunately, RBG will have none of that silly nonsense talk:

I will do this job as long as I can do it full steam. When I feel myself slipping, when I can no longer think as sharply, or write as quickly, that will be the time to leave the Court.

That seems like a perfectly reasonable answer to "You are awesome, now please go away," but of course it is, because RBG is reasonable and also awesome. That is why we love her, after all.

So. Yes, it is understandable that liberals would like to allow President Obama to appoint another awesome RBG-like justice right now, while the Democrats still control the Senate, to money-back guarantee that the next justice who sits in that chair is the kind of judge who does not make us vomit in our mouths. On the other hand, that "what if we lose?" defeatist wussy talk is exactly the kind of defeatist wussy talk that makes people think liberals are defeatist wussies, so maybe we should cut that out, fight like we actually plan to win for a change, and send her a gift basket of live-forever vitamins with a card that says, "Thank you very much, Justice Ginsburg, for being so goddamned awesome, please stay on the Court and keep being goddamned awesome as long as you possibly can, we love you because you are GODDAMNED AWESOME."

Just a thought.

Follow Kaili Joy Gray on Twitter or kindly STFU.

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