Deleted Comments Of The Day: Expect 20,000 Militia Heroes On The Border By Thursday
Our comments queue has been especially full of pure uncut dumb lately, and so it's time to share some of the best of the worst with you, O ye Wonkers. First off, our weekend story about thereported failure of the Great Big Protect Our Border Militia Jamboree and Clambake being "organized" in Texas is almost certainly wrong, according to correspondent "unifiedmilitia1," who wants to set us straight on a couple things:
Guess again, Liberals! I know how you scream like little girls whenever you hear the word militia.
The good news is that I have a friend who manages multiple pages and groups on Facebook with a combined total of around one million members. She has made the commitment to re-post the information found at this video and below the video on all of those groups and pages by the end of the day. With any amount of luck we will see over 20K militia on the border in a matter of days, perhaps 50K in a couple of weeks. Most of the militia are hardcore former veterans, so that should dispel your B.S. about lack of being organized and professional. Her main "Page" has over 162K members.
20,000 militia loons will be massed on the border in a matter of days -- that's pretty impressive, considering that the entire Border Patrol has only about 21,000 agents. Now, since in wingnut math "a million" translates to a "a couple hundred," this means that at least a couple of guys and a very bored dog will show up at the border. Remember to give the dog water, OK? Also, here is that very impressive video that will mobilize tens of thousands of militia gun-humpers:
Stirring, isn't it? Also, it has 64 "likes," which should translate to another 30,000 or so gun-humpers on the border, tell you what.
Unifiedmilitia1 also added a second comment, informing us that "The only cluster coitus I've seen is in your reporting here." Apparently he thinks we made up the criticism of the Laredo militia sock-hop by militia guy Mike Vanderboegh, who called it a "cluster coitus in the making." We would refer our brave unifiedmilitia buddy to Mr. Vanderboegh's Vanderblog, which we assure you we did not invent.
Our update on "Rollin' Coal" -- which the EPA says is probably a violation of the Clean Air Act -- drew a thoughtful reply from "SirGareth," who apparently identified with the weaselly guy in the British version of The Office. He explains that rollin' coal isn't just random assholery -- it's activism!
I really do understand this. They are flipping the bird to people who buy into the moral bankruptcy of environmentalism. More power to them. The planet will survive far longer then human dignity or freedom. I drive a hybrid because the economics make sense. These cars were invented by private industry and needed no subsidies (welfare) to exist. I love these guys and would pollute the air more if I could afford it. I would like to beat Obungle's carbon footprint...even Moochelles is a worthy goal.
Oh dear, he's going to be so sad to learn that hybrid technology was subsidized by tax breaks from the beginning -- even in Japan. To be a true rugged individualist, he'd better go smash his hybrid with a sledge hammer. And we'd better not find out that he actually took any available tax credit for his hybrid, because that would be morally wrong. He probably saw that line on his tax forms and said, "Nope -- no subsidies for me!"
Sir Gareth also had thoughts about manliness and Free Speach:
Poor oppressed dear, kept from sharing his brilliance with us day after day, even as we indulge in vulgarities. As to what good moderation does, we'd once again point out that it allows us to keep morons from tracking filth all over our nice clean parlor. After all, SirGareth has already said he wishes he could pollute more.
We also heard from "Powerstroked," who seems to think that rollin' coal is actually not a thing that people do deliberately, despite plenty of evidence that people do in fact modify their trucks specifically for that purpose. Powerstroked doesn't do it, so it doesn't exist:
After reading almost everyone's comments I figured I would chime in. I have a Diesel powered truck that is modified heavily. It runs in the mid 12's in the 1/4 mile and I get 35 MPG going down the highway. Most people who coal roll have trucks that are improperly tuned. My truck emits a little puff of black smoke just until the turbos spool up. I do not condone the actions of other diesel truck owners but just because you have people blowing black smoke all over your little car doesn't mean we are all like that. I have a hybrid humpier sticker on the back of my truck, mainly because I can beat anyone who pulls up next to me and I get great fuel mileage for a 10,000 pound truck.
And just to make it clear that nobody mods their trucks to do it, Powerstroked added another comment:
I am an avid diesel enthusiast, I have built my truck to go fast and get great fuel mileage which is something you can not do with a gas vehicle. Then only time my truck puffs black smoke is when I floor it with out spooling up my turbos, which the black smoke is equivalent to when a car is started after sitting a long time. I do not agree with people "rolling coal." They do not make tunes specifically to do this, it happens when there is not enough air mixed with the fuel, people that modify diesel trucks just get some kind of programmer just for power and fuel economy. Apparently this web site hates me because they didn't post my last comment. I would also like to challenge everyone who has wrote negative comments about diesel trucks to go read about diesel vehicles because why have a Prius with 3 horsepower when you can get a diesel car that gets 48 mpg and halls ass for half the price.
Got it? Nobody goes LOOKING to blow smoke just for the sake of blowing smoke. That is why our google search for "how to roll coal" didn't bring up any posts to diesel enthusiast forums asking how to modify your truck to roll coal with the flip of a switch. No one ever wants to know that, certainly not this fellow who asks, "how do i get my truck to leave soot on all the ricers when im beating them off the line[?]" It simply doesn't happen, and it's just very unfair to suggest it does.
Now all we need is a diesel enthusiast to inform us that rollin' coal is only done by environmentalist infiltrators who are trying to make diesels look bad.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.