Donate

Time for another trip to the slop bucket that is our Comments Queue, and we have a fine variety of the loveliest Dear Shitferbrainses you could hope for this time out. First up, one "DakirSmith" was quite upset with us forslurring fired racist radio guy Anthony Cumia as a "racist." UNFAIR! No way is Anthony Cumia a racist, and we would know that if only we'd hung on every word Anthony Cumia has ever said about black people, like DakirSmith has:


First off I have listened to their show since day one, obviously the author hasn't. Anthony isn't a racist. He's right. I am intelligent enough to understand the ideas he puts forth rather than taking every word literally. Blacks do have a problem in their communities. AIDs, out of wedlock births, black on black crime, etc. Blacks are the most racist among us. I could care less about race. It never crosses my mind.

[Boris voice:] Hoo boy, Natasha, you know what's comink, yes? [/Boris voice]

Blacks however, all they seem to think about. News flash. You are keeping racism going. I'm sorry what happened to your ancestors BUT I wasn't even here. So if I can't generalize blacks, please don't lump all us whities into a big group. What happened during slavery has nothing to do with me or YOU. You weren't even born. Get over it. Whites were slaves long before blacks and you don't see me worried about it. Africa still has slavery today. Explain that. Al Sharpton, Jessie, KKK America obama preacher Rev. Wright...All are 1000 times more racist than anything Anthony ever said and yet they get a pass because they are black. Nobody cares about white bankers stealing your money with a pen. To quote Chris Rock when I go to the money machine at night I am not looking for the media or bankers I am looking for... What do you call collecting welfare and refusing to work? Having 5 obama phones? Stealing is stealing is it not? I personally know blacks who purposely have kids and only work part time so at tax time they can get a check for $8000. Whites do it too. I get that, THAT DOESNT MAKE WHAT BLACKS DO RIGHT. Both are unacceptable.

We would like to point out that we are now at only the midpoint of DakirSmith's would-be comment, in which he is explaining that he simply never thinks about race. Let's just get to the nub of his (dare we assume the writer is male?) point: Since black comedians like Chris Rock and Kat Williams have made fun of ghetto culture, Anthony Cumia is not a racist for saying that The Blacks are a bunch of criminals. Also, this:

Look at Detroit, Chicago, St Louis, etc. Predominantly white neighborhoods were ruined by, sadly, blacks who moved it. My grandparents own house and neighborhood were destroyed once a majority of blacks moved in. Why is that? Not racist, fact. I can't even drive into that neighborhood without fear of being shot.

That is just a fact. He is very fearful around The Blacks. In any case, it's just not fair, is what it is:

Don't say it's environment! It's right and wrong. It's values. It's morals. It's character. It's having a father and a mother. It's not anything else. I know this all sounds racist, it isn't meant to be. Whites have problems too, but we aren't talking about that. We are talking about the points Anthony made and he is 100% right. And we should be able to talk about this stuff without anger, hate, etc. But we can't. Kat Williams, Chris Rock, Bill Cosby... They can. That's racist folks.

And now you hypocrites are probably going to go and make fun of racial realist and fairness advocate DakirSmith for simply trying to have an honest dialogue about those shiftless violent negroes who have five Obamaphones and a million welfare babbies and all want to shoot him just for being white, even though, and we cannot stress this enough, race never crosses his mind.

Moving right along, we also heard from the mellifluously-named "92574304Ja" in response to our story about the Texas court that said that a family can't really claim that they're "homeschooling" their children if all the kids do is sing hymns and prepare to get Raptured. By golly, that story really hit home for 92574304Ja, who wants us to know that there is no finer education than saving your soul:

I pulled my 5 children out of public school 3 years ago because of the immorality being forced down their throats in these LAST days. You says they are not learning, I tell you they are learning THE TRUTH. JESUS is the truth, he is coming back sooner than you think. All of you that mock will bow your knees and confess with your mouth that JESUS THE CHRIST IS LORD!!!!!!!!! If you do not repent and turn from your wicked lives you will burn, keep mocking , you will soon cry like a baby when you stand in front of the KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS

It's true. We do says they are not learning. What we'd like to know is how on earth 92574304Ja even found our dangerous web of secular humanist lies, mommyblogging, recipes, and pagan ponies? Instead of wasting their valuable Jesus the Christ time reading our sin-words, shouldn't they be scrubbing every sinful electron that contacted Wonkette off of their hard drive? We'd suggest that they delete the System 32 directory from their operating system, just to be sure.

The many travails of Christians in America were also of concern to "jmwaters," who couldn't believe that we would make fun of Great Christian Patriot Ralph Reed and his crusade to save American Christians from the depredations of Barack Obama:

What is it that scares you so much about Christians? That they could be right? So you have to do everything you can to disparage and marginalize? You can do these things all you want of course. Enjoy yourself. Oh, by the way stone thrower, what are you doing to help?

Oh! Oh! Call on us! We know! We're mocking idiots! Mark Twain said that was a valuable occupation, and we're absolutely convinced that he was right.

One last bit of religious concern-trolling before we move on to other matters. In the comments (as if we allowed such things) on our story about the poor blogger who got fired for writing about homophones, a few commenters said unkind things about the State of Utah and the LDS church. This was not appreciated by "otterwithkids," who politely and tiresomely set us straight:

This boss is obviously an idiot, but that doesn’t justify you making stupid assumptions about the entire state of Utah, much less using religious slurs. Taken as a group, Latter-day Saints are significantly better educated than the public at large, and The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the only Christian denomination for which church activity is *directly* proportional to level of secular education (as opposed to inversely so). Remember, the victim is this story is a Latter-day Saint. For that matter, so was the man who invented television, the chemist who developed Absolute Rate Theory, and the geneticist who headed up the DNA identification of 9/11 victims, There are plenty of very intelligent people of all faiths, even those who claim no faith at all.

We feel a little bad about including such an earnest and well-intentioned defense in our Dear Shitferbrains column, and so we will simply note that, yes, many Mormons are well educated, and that the theological hocus-pocus of the Book Of Mormon is no more ridiculous than the Magic Skyfairy nonsense in either the Old or New testaments, just not as dusty. We would also like to never have to sit next to otterwithkids on a long plane flight, ever, please.

Our piece on Ben Carson's fears that America is at risk from an Ebola Pee Attack was not well received by "SophiaAmarie," who was not fooled by our lies, not one bit:

So you make false claims about Dr. Ben Carson & call it humor rooted in truth? Your claims just make you a cheap Obama crony. Clap. Clap. Clap. How sad.

That has to be the best typewritten sarcastic clapping since the script for that one epic Dynasty episode where Krystle and Alexis got into a catfight.

We also received a few Zombie Comments from people who have somehow recently stumbled across some of our older posts (in fact, we have enough of those that we'll bring you a Zombie Comments compilation post soon). For now, let's hear from "PowerfulGinger," who just had to share her thoughts on a piece from May: In a panel discussing prejudice, Fox Newsdolt Katie Pavlich explained that there's nothing racist about crossing the street when she sees a black kid in a hoodie, because duh, black kid in a hoodie. This didn't sit well with PowerfulGinger, who recognized our article mocking Pavlich for what it truly was: an attempt to leave white women defenseless. Well by god, she's not going to play along with our racist, sexist game!

I NEVER cross the street away from anyone because I carry a BIG GUN in my hand bag and I can use it. You idiots want to take away guns from women and THEN have them not even use COMMON SENSE about basic safety! All I can say is, thank God for natural selection!

That last line is beautiful, and we have someone on the line from Answers in Genesis to explain why. But PowerfulGinger wasn't finished being powerful:

So your saying, women are not free to go anywhere at anytime and feel safe. I thought we live in a free country. Sounds like the criminals are running things. I feel safe and I go where I want when I want because I am well armed.

Hey, were not saying anything of the sort, your saying that! But apparently the only way a woman can be truly safe is if she's ready to shoot every scummy hoodie-wearing punk that might cause her trouble. We're pretty sure Helen Reddy had a verse about that in the first draft of "I Am Woman," but the commies at her record label made her take it out.

And then a full minute after she'd submitted her very important comment on a months-old article, PowerfulGinger got a bit impatient, not to mention feeling oppressed:

Wow this site won't post my comments because I disagree.

Yeah. We're pretty mean that way. Maybe if you held a gun on us, we'd be more polite.

And finally, from "EvgirrUnslaad," a comment on our story about the Great Big Militia Mission To Protect the Border From 8-Year-Olds. You know they're serious, because they link to a Wikipedia article and a story from the Daily Caller:

All you god damn communists in the comments are repulsive. Get a god damn clue. http://dailycaller.com/2014/07/29/texas-sheriffs-... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mexican_Drug_War I would be with these men on the border if I lived in the south.

We just want to say that we are very, very sad to see EvgirrUnslaad's IntenseDebate profile, for some reason:

NOOOOOOOO!

Honestly, hasn't EvgirrUnslaad even noticed that Equestria is a totally socialist state? Rainbow Dash goes to the hospital and doesn't pay a single Bit, Fluttershy provides for a cottage full of animals with no apparent employment, and Twilight Sparkle has a cushy government job at a library. Oh, sure, Rarity and Applejack are entrepreneurs, but they're also the least interesting characters...

Oh. We're typing out loud again, aren't we?

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc