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Another Saturday, another trip to the comments queue! We never know what sort of detritus we're going to fish out, but we can always guarantee that it would benefit from a few passes with a high-pressure steam hose. This week, we don't seem to have any overwhelming theme, just a mixed grab bag of stupid.


Last week, we ran a Morning Maddow clip on the improving math skills of Washington voters, who are finally figuring out that it makes little sense to tell pollsters they support both of the state's diametrically-opposed gun regulation initiatives. There wasn't actually anything in the piece about race, but apparently we had really said something that offended "DC_Madman" (it is a pune, or play on words!), because weed guns white minority something. Honestly, we aren't sure what exactly we're being accused of here, but we sure are awful:

Yep, we need to worry about guns. Vote carefully, white is almost a minority. Teh glass is half full, with weed legal new restrictive gun laws can help keep the flow of browns into our prisons. Remember, brown bad: minority OK only if white.

So we're racist because background checks on gun sales will send brown people to prison, but we also hate the coming white minority? Or maybe they've exposed us as white people who are scared because we'll be in the minority? Happily, having been raised Catholic, we feel good and guilty about it already. Update: DC_Madman says it was snarktire, and we see it now. Stupid ol' Poe's Law!

Along similar lines, "elsparkodiablo" was shocked, shocked! by the vicious racism betrayed by a fairly minor point in our story about the rightwing mockery of Missouri state Sen. Jamilah Nasheed, who owns a gun but also supports background checks and other gun regulations. Most of Nasheed's critics have called her a hypocrite, because only a maniac could support regulations on owning or operating cars guns while still owning a car gun. Elsparkodiablo saw something far more insidious in our suggestion that Nasheed had some commonsense ideas. One of her proposals would have held parents responsible if their children used an improperly-secured gun in a crime. So obviously, we are racist monsters somehow, because logic:

Wonkette is in favor of parents being punished for the actions of their kids. How adorable. Let's see just how well this would work out in the inner cities, shall we? Racist. As. Hell.

Somebody had better tell Ms. Nasheed, who is herself African-American -- and has spoken often about the toll of gun violence in the black community -- that she is Racist. As. Hell. for suggesting that gun owners should be required to secure their precious precious guns. What a monster.

We are also hypocritical for dragging race into our discussion of Scottie Brown and the Great Pumpkin Riot last week, or maybe for not recognizing the astonishing similarities between that bunch of rowdies and ANOTHER thing that would-be commenter "floydmerit" doesn't like:

The coverage on this is odd. Usually when rich white kids #PumpkinRiot (#OWS and such) we're meant to support them and their brave twilight struggle against global injustice and stuff.

Haha, stupid radicals, Ya Burnt!

We heard from a couple of Jebus fans this week as well. Last week's Nice Time post on the decision by the Idaho Veterans Memorial Cemetery to allow (finally) an elderly veteran to reserve a spot for her ashes to be interred with those of her wife drew this apt comparison from "77Lance," who explains that a 75-year-old Navy veteran and her spouse are roughly equivalent to terrorists:

Well, I guess they allowed Bin Laden's body into the ocean. What really matters is not where one's remains are, but where one's soul remains. And having some ashes in a nice parklike area in Idaho won't mitigate the sufferings of Hell.

We feel right bad that we won't be inviting Lance77 to share his wisdom with us further.

By contrast, a far less annoying Christianist, "bijbelvorsers," visiting from Belgium -- if we're to go by their IP address -- said that both we and Kirk Cameron are wrong about Halloween: It is neither Christian nor innocent fun!

Like Christmas and Easter are connected to heathen festivals, Halloween has nothing to do with Christ Jesus. All Christians should not partake at such heathen festivals.

We guess we can just have bijbelvorsers's share of the Candy Corn Jello shots, then.

As we've said before, we tend to just delete obvious advertising spam unread, but this one, from somebody pushing knockoff designer fashion stuff -- "fendi donnakaran cappelli chanel" -- was pretty darn eye-catching, and just makes you wonder what the spambot AI's are "thinking":

Don't bag your dog's poo

Let this be a warning -- never let a spambot take you Labrador to the dog park.

After our pals at the no-longer-dead Happy Nice Time People highlighted our February story about the multiple allegations of rape against Bill Cosby, "Scot Conway, Ph.D., J.D." sent along this defense of the Great American, who simply has to be the victim of a smear campaign:

With that many allegations, you'd think there would be a charge or a police file or at least a civil case. If not now, when? If he did stuff like this, go get him. I'm not much on the he said/she said stuff and treating him like he's guilty automatically because he's been accused -- but I am 100% in favor of going after rapists with the law. I imagine the reporter's evidence is mounting and I would expect it will be turned over the to relevant authorities.

Um. Leave Bill Cosby Aloooooooooone, we guess?

And finally, we received word of a puzzling new (?) conspiracy theory from "Duenday," in reply to a 2011 post about an Alabama state senator who offered to wear a wire in an FBI investigation, and then was recorded calling black American people "aborigines." But perhaps this was no mere slur, says Duenday, linking to some strange YouTube videos. Maybe the state senator just had the inside truth on some secret true history:

He might be correct- African American isn't Africans.

We'll confess that we didn't have the patience to sit through these things, but the gist of them is that there aren't any "African-Americans" -- the truth is that American blacks are the original Native Americans, dummy, and so we guess that slavery didn't happen, or only brought a few thousand people to the Americas or something? We also didn't watch long enough to figure out what the conspiracy fans say about the people who now claim to be Native Americans, but maybe you can figure that out.

In conclusion, we love the internet. Thank you.

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Is there ANY good news for the bumblefucking Trump re-election campaign these days? Their polling numbers are in the shitter, therefore Trump is firing the pollsters. Trump's Hitler rally kickoff event in Florida last night was ... whatever it was. Oh, and did we mention that they ain't got no money? Like, of course, not counting whatever Russian money they're not telling us about.

Don Jr. recently called a prominent donor and warned that Trump's money haul is falling behind where Barack Obama was early in his reelection, while Jared Kushner has privately complained to RNC chairwoman Ronna Romney McDaniel that Trump's war chest is not as big as it should be at this point in the cycle.

Whiiiiiiiiiine. Guess they're gonna have to see if they can launder some rubles somewhere, ALLEGEDLY.

Gabe Sherman has some more bad news about Trump's shithole campaign, and it is that Robert and Rebekah Mercer, the father-daughter billionaire duo who bankrolled much of Trump's "victory" in 2016 -- including funding Breitbart, and also the part of the "victory" that comprised Cambridge Analytica, the data company they owned that may have done some real hinky stuff, possibly with Russia, in order to get Trump "elected" -- have zipped up their checkbooks and decided Trump can go eat dicks for all they care.

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