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In lieu of a Derp Roundup this week, we bring you a special weekend edition of Dear Shitferbrains, leading off with this very important observation from "bmmg39" in response to our Clipbait piece about Sarah Palin's appearance in a sketch on The Tonight Show. We'd said that it wasn't terrible, that she had one good line, and that she surprised us by agreeing to participate in a gag about how close Russia and Alaska are. And so, of course, bmmg39 told us off for being so unreasonably hateful:


I'm not sure what's more entertaining: Palin's appearance on T.T.S., or watching the "tolerant left" completely lose its [mind] over said appearance. Fallon can have on the president, the first lady, and countless other Democrats and "progressives," but the minute he has on someone they don't like he goes on their boycott list. It's both hilarious and a little sad.

Strangely, while there were certainly a number of comments (how did those even get there?) from people who said -- sometimes with colorful epithets -- that they didn't like seeing Palin on Fallon's show, nobody said a single thing about boycotting Fallon because of it. Odd, this rightwing reading comprehension.

Our brief piece about a rather sweet ad from Nabisco featuring two dads!!1!!!one!! was not at all appreciated by "jc175," who wants to make it very clear that they do not hate anybody. They simply want to never see certain people in ads, because that is just plain sickening "social engineering" and propaganda by the advertisers:

I hate this ad. I don't hate gays. I don't hate interracial couples. I hate this ad. Why? Because it is nothing but social engineering through advertising. It's not advertising the product...it's advertising and promoting an agenda...one that many in this country have a problem with. So why do it? To crack that elusive gay/lesbian/interracial demographic that doesn't buy graham crackers? No. To push through a lifestyle that most could really give a shit about, but who are sick and tired of being told by every cracker pushing corporation what to think or believe.

Got it? They only hate the ad, and the ad's dishonest attempt to change society by suggesting that gay people can actually have "families," which is just what ALL those cracker-pushing corporations (the worst kind) are trying to kill America with. Not that jc175 gives a shit about gay people or interracial families one way or another, although for someone who's completely apathetic, jc175 does manage to spew out a surprising number of words on the topic. Their note continues:

I don't think anyone would have thought twice had you just shown the happy LBGBlahBlahBlahs eating delicious graham crackers. No we have to be TOLD what is 'wholesome'. We have to have it crammed down our throats 24/7 anymore! Think this way and you'll be cool. Oppose it and you're a homophobic 'hater'. IT'S A FUCKING GRAHAM CRACKER not a lifestyle. It's not even 'wholesome' since it's not gluten-free! False advertising all the way around!

Thank heavens we got to the throat-cramming. It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Graham! Also, does jc175 know that there's nothing inherently healthy about gluten-free products, at least for people without a sensitivity to gluten? It's almost as if jc175 were just repeating something from a food label (And we are not going to make this about gluten, man). But let us finish:

You know the more I think about,, the more I see this as a ploy by Nabisco to gain publicity. Surely no one on their marketing team didn't see this firestorm coming. What better way to call attention to a low-grossing product than by sticking a political message smack dab in the middle of a dull unassuming product like graham crackers? God forbid you promote the product. It's one that I will never buy again...nor any other Nabisco product. .Even if it isn't a lot, I always looked for Honey Maids when I bought them. I don't hate anyone for how they live. I hate companies who TELL me how I should feel or think and then act surprised when the reaction is not in their favor. That little 'Love' ad? What a way to turn even more consumers against you! Such an arrogant, condescending ploy. All in all I find this entire ordeal 'unwholesome'.

We do rather like imagining the look on jc175's face as they typed, becoming progressively more unhinged as they went along, until finally the poor soul collapses in a Belushiesque apoplexy after that last line. Such an ordeal! And to think, someone made an ad that is not about the actual merits of the product? We can hardly wait to see the letters jc175 sends to beer companies. But we share jc175's certainty that the second ad will upset a whole lot more people, although jc175 seems not to notice that the whole point of the ad was to point out that Nabisco received about ten times as many positive responses as negative ones.

Frankly, we aren't sure that jc175 is part of our target demographic, seeing as how he/she doesn't even seem to know what a "joke" is. Although we have no idea what prompted them to reply to someone with "I feel sorry for you," it's fairly obvious what other comments they were replying to.

  • viennawoods13 wrote, "Oh for heaven's sake. Families with no dads are bad and families with two dads are bad. Make up your minds!!" This prompted a hilarious riposte: "It's obvious which one you came from." Haw-haw, U R such a fagget!
  • And chascates asked, "I guess showing a family that is one man and one dog is jumping the shark?" This drew another brilliant burn: "Well the fact you'd refer to a man and his dog as a 'family' is quite telling." Come on, jc175, you can do better than that. Nothing about the perils of man-on-shark marriage?

On another topic, "GlockGal" has just a few short words for all you mean feminist ladies who commented on Snipy's article about the lady columnist for WND who is proud to tell the world that her husband runs her life. Apparently you are not doing a very good job of being women, we guess, because GlockGal says,

Wow, what angry women. I'll pray for you.

Stop being so angry, ladies. It will give you wrinkles, and then how will you find a husband?

We also have a word, or quite a few words, from "Saint K," who appears to either be from the Caribbean island of St. Kitts or to have an inflated sense of their own eventual posthumous status. Saint K seems not to have cared for our recent story about Pat Robertson's discovery that online transactions are the Mark of the Beast, and wants to straighten us all out about a few things. It's such a generic Jebusbargle message that we were a little surprised to see that it's not one of many sent all over the web -- looks like Saint K composed it especially for us:

God will protect those who love Him. Almost all of the comments on here are from people who dislike Christians. I used to dislike them, too, until a few years ago when I was given a wake up call (warning). I never thought I would be going to hell but was mistaken - Hell is where I was headed because of my lifestyle and beliefs. It was then that I asked for forgiveness and accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I thank Jesus for having saved my life and my soul. I am amazed at the changes in my self and my life now, all for the better. God created you and knows what is in your heart and He sees what you do. He loves you but does not tolerate evil/wickedness. I wanted to let you know my experience because I would rather you have a wonderful life in Heaven than to be in agony in Hell separated from God's love (the devil and demons hate God and humans). God WILL forgive you (no matter what your circumstance) through His son Jesus. In 2008 (before I accepted Jesus into my life) I heard the voice of a demon and also heard the voice of a Heavenly Host/Angel. I prefer an Angel, a soldier of GOD's Army!!!

Thank you, Saint K. Your concern is noted.

And finally, from "Redneckinarage," a few belated words on the Jews. More specifically, on the Jewish kids in Pine Bush, New York, who we wrote about back in November, and whose families had so disrupted the community that some other kids had no choice but to beat them up and draw swastikas on their faces. Much like jc175, Redneckinarage wants us to know that they doesn't hate the Jews; they merely despise them:

The Jews knew we didn't want them here ,but they still came in droves ,devaluing out property ,causing driving hazards along with pedestrian delema ,Jews are devoid of respect. Jews walk up and down the street as a flock of kindergarten children stepping off the curb daring for you to hit them ,while looking at you with thick eyeglasses. In Other Plain Words Jews SUCK ,no I don't hate them I despise all Jews ,but they are taking over none the less ,as a stage 4 cancer does..

We wouldn't want that comment to be the last thing you see on Yr Wonket today, so let's just close with a picture of corgis on a treadmill.

That's much better.

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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