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It's the weekend, and time to catch up on some vital maintenance -- refill the poison rat dick stockpiles, top off the Pony cache, and slop out the comments queue, that sort of thing. And we have some real winners from would-be commenters today, ranging from wingnuts who want to set us straight, to would-be allies who we'd rather not invite into our parlor.

Let's start the fun with a good old-fashioned Concern Troll. Remember how, a week and some days back, America and Yr Wonkette were having a really crappy day, what with a grand jury deciding it was no big deal that Eric Garner died in a choke hold, plus no end of other terrible news about cops killing black people with impunity? We ended the day with a video of some kittens, because DAMN. This gesture was not appreciated by Very Concerned Commenter "LJAD1," who wanted to know why, with all the important news going on, we would stoop to such carefree frivolity:

I have worked in the online thingy. I know the struggle for clicks. One day I said, "let's put up cat videos!" We didn't, not because we woz moral, but because the bosses wanted "real" traffic, whatever that means (guess what? That site be dead). So I get it; it's your livelihood; but really? With everything that's happened the last few weeks, you -- Wonkette -- would post a cat video as some kind of "this will heal your poor soul"? Hope the clicks were worth it. Meanwhile, people are being killed for selling loose cigarettes. But Wonkette's traffic is terrific

Yeah, shame on us. We only spent the entire week cataloguing the horrors that were going on, and noted -- right there, right in the text of the post, that kittens make a poor excuse for therapy, because the happiest news that day was about actual, not metaphorical, Nazis. But LJAD1 saw our ruse for what it was -- a cynical attempt to use clickbait to distract people away from the horrors that we had actually been looking at (which horrors we also noted in the post about kittens. Pretty sure we mentioned that). Still, it's an important reminder: Be More Serious, Wonkette! Otherwise how will the people ever know that important news is happening? Sometimes we don't know how we live with our own hypocrisy.

Speaking OF IMPORTANT NEWS, we heard from several people who had Deep Thoughts about Rolling Stone's seriously flawed story about rape at the University of Virginia. Most were in reply to Kaili's post pointing out that the problem of campus sexual assault is a hell of a lot bigger than the story of "Jackie," the woman who Rolling Stone focused on. Predictably, most of the comments wanted to let us know that, for real, there is just way too much hysteria about campus rape, mostly because women are such big liars, about rape. "Phil McKrackin" wanted to let us know that the false rape crisis is much broader than (maybe) Jackie, because it's happened at least one other time, and therefore we should be skeptical of all women:

Maybe something happened or didn't happen, rape should not be ignored, but don't act like sensationalized fabricated rape sotries haven't surfaced in the past. The Duke lacrosse rape hoax was exactly that, a completely fabricated story...... a hoax. It ruined many lives and set back "rape reporting" 25 years.

Excellent point! Until we can guarantee that no false allegations will ever be made again, let's just put scrutiny where it belongs: on the women who say they were raped (To be clear: The Rolling Stone story, while flawed, also focused on many other cases than "Jackie's" -- strangely left unmentioned by everyone who took the opportunity to focus solely on "Jackie").

Phil returned to the comments queue twenty minutes later with a heartfelt cry for justice, because we hadn't immediately approved that comment:

My comment did not post, I signed up through intensedebate.....My comment was respectful, but for some reason you censored me. This is one of those blogs that does not encourage two sides to a story? I really don't get it. My comment was logical and well thought out, your blog is as bad as the "main stream media" that you are complaining about.....disgraceful

Or maybe we don't have someone waiting to approve every new commenter within five minutes. Either way, we're pretty oppressive that way. And then Phil got a bit whiny:

  • I completely diagree
  • I need to be heard!!!!

Gosh, we feel pretty terrible about not allowing Phil in, what with him being such a reasonable fellow.

We got a much more straightforward explanation of the problem with the Rolling Stone story vrom "tonycaroselli," who between double negatives and sarcasm, left us perfectly clear on where he stands:

Oh, I... I get it, because the point of this story was that there's no such thing as a "falsely accused rapist." No, no... wait. I'm kind of thinking you didn't catch the point at all.

Now, that sure as heck sounds like an MRA "oh the poor mens" post, although we're willing to admit that maybe it's the exact opposite? We're willing to entertain clarifications, but we're going to go with the former unless persuaded otherwise.

No such ambivalence from "Carbona," who knows for sure that there is a crisis on college campuses: A crisis cause by man-hating feminists who just make up rape stories because it's so much fun:

There is not reason to stop talking about rape. Not one human being has suggested that. We do need to stop talking about an imaginary rape culture where women are considered no more responsibly than children and the accused are considered guilt unless proven innocent. I have a son and a daughter, there is not much advice I have to give to my daughter, but I have warned my son that he is one disgruntled ex-girlfriend or rejected suitor away from having his life ruined. Jackie attempted to make Randall jealous with an imaginary suitor and when her bluff was about to be revealed she invented a rape as an excuse to drop the boyfriend and to gain sympathy from Randall. That is the truth. That was revealed today.

That one really makes us feel bad. For Carbona's daughter. Because remember, if "Jackie's" story is false, then Carbona is happy to disregard all the other evidence in the Rolling Stone piece, and will send the poor girl off to college with an admonition to never accuse a boy of rape, and to ignore little warning signs like federal investigations and the testimony of other women, because a magazine story about that one lady had some details wrong.

"Carbona" also had thoughts about another story that we've been following, the saga of Guns In Texas, particularly the Open Carry crowd and attempts to overturn Texas's few restrictions on guns. Carbona wanted to explain that Texas is actually a really progressive state, and we should be happy about that, because the cops hardly ever shoot black people theere. Why is this? Guns, of course. Guns make everything better:

Not true. Texas has the lowest number of incidence of police shooting armed Black men (per capita) in the entire country. The reason is probably because cops are actually used to seeing black men with weapons, and also usually assume that that the black men are hunters. Also such a law as you are describing would be unconstitutional. It just isn't true.

That story (by Wonkette newbie Shrill, from whom we expect many more excellent posts) also drew this rebuttal from "ssgmarker," who would just like to point out that gun control is the only difference between the peaceful gun-toting paradise of Texas and the crime-ridden hellhole of California:

"So what’s worrying these open carry patriots? The optics of loosening gun laws in a state where 800 people are murdered by guns per year?" Or perhaps we could bring up that the gun control nirvana of California had over 1,200 gun homicides according to the source you provided. Though a better way of looking at it is that is that the homicide rate of the two states are about the same. If you look the most current figures, you'd see that the number of gun homicides in California stayed about the same while the number fell in Texas. This of course resulted in the homicide rate now being lower in Texas than California.

Aren't guns wonderful? They work miracles, and let's please also ignore the fact that crime is also declining in California. Guns are nice.

We also had some comments on old, old gun stories. Back in May of this year, we ran a story about a responsible gun owner who was showing off his nifty new laser-sighted Glock to his son and his 11-year-old nephew. The gun discharged, killing the nephew. The piece drew this comment from "Tyler Junkie," who we aren't entirely sure "gets" Wonkette:

One dead brat. Two brats traumatized for life. And one stupid gun nut jackass feeling shity in the piggy pen. This shit makes me laugh so hard. I love it when this shit happens. You peace of shit pro second amendment gun enthusiast are an endless form of entertainment.

(The "two brats traumatized for life" are presumably the dead boy's siblings, who weren't there.) You know, Tyler, there's a difference between recognizing a sad irony (responsible gun owner who keeps his firearm locked up shoots his own nephew) and exulting in the death of an eleven-year-old because it makes gun humpers look bad. We don't feel too bad that "Tyler Junkie" won't be joining us. Then again, who knows -- maybe "Tyler" was actually a false flag persona all along, the creation of some troll who wanted to "get" Wonkette for allowing comments from someone delighted by the deaths of children. Internet be cray.

And for some reason, in the last couple weeks, we've gotten a whole bunch of replies to this post from 2009 which we reproduce now in its screenshotted glory:

The story was about some dumb NewsMax ad that ran that year, promising free guns. Apparently it comes up if you Google "free gun", and so we get a trickle of messages like this, from people who seem to be completely unable to read, but are apparently pretty sure that Wonkette is gonna give 'em a free gun if they ask.

  • So how do i go about getting my free handgun? i am pretty familiar with them i wouldnt need the training! -- "Stabmestopher"
  • Hi. How do we get a free hand gun? -- "Joelroy"
  • I tried clicking on youre add but it does not tell me how to get a free handgun. Please send me more information -- "patriotjames1776"

How about you? Would you like a free gun? Do you think Wonkette will give you a free gun? Are you ready, with a free gun, for the coming race war or whatever you've been worried about since 2009 for some reason, and for which you need a free handgun? Ask Wonkette for a free gun in the comments now, and we will give you precisely what you are asking for.

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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