Oh, Wonkers, we have some beautiful deletia for you this week! Looks to us like some people have really been working overtime in the Derp Mines to bring us this fine assortment of stupidity. For starters, we have this thought-provoking bit of turnabout from "John Smith" (Real name: "Bob Johnson"), who understands that Bobby Jindal just wants to protect Liberty from the homos. Just think about this -- would you libs really be so hot on forcing Christians to provide services to gay people if it also meant that gay people would have to serve people with whom they have traditionally been at Culture War?


Think that you have a restaurant and all your employees are gay.

Someone ask for service for a Satanic wedding.

All your employees are scare to go to the wedding party.

Law will close your business for discrimination if you do not provide the service.

What will you do?

Close your business or force your employees to go to the wedding

Holy Little Sister Shotgun! We never even thought of that possibility -- and frankly were previously unaware of this supposed antipathy between The Gays and The Satanists. We also briefly wondered whether anything this stupid simply had to be satire, but then we checked John Smith's Disqus profile, and he's apparently so proud of his hypothetical that for weeks now he's been posting it all over the place, defending it, and supplementing it with a warning that father-son and grandmother-granddaughter weddings will be next. (And that's a real threat, given that many states already allow marriages between aunts and uncles!) So no Poe's Law asterisk for this guy, unless he's doing deep longform trolling -- we're willing to believe that if Andy Kaufman is alive somewhere, he's posting to Breitbart.

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Our piece Thursday, about yet another study showing no link whatsoever between the MMR vaccine and autism, brought this reply from "Celia Harrison," who did not care for our blind worship of The Science, because as we all know, the government knows exactly what causes autism and is covering it up. And then there was something about her vagina, which suggests that she may have correctly identified Yr Wonkette as Over-Sharing Weekly:

Oh Wonkette while I generally love you to death you are full of fecal material on this. What this research does is give kids a bunch of vaccines in two different ways. On the one side with MMR and on the other without it. That only shows that MMR alone is not the cause. Giving kids a large number of vaccines close together when they have a defect in their immune system and/or have certain latent Herpes viruses in their bodies is the cause. It’s a viral infection with inflammation of the brain while the brain is developing that is the cause. Here is another cause, fungus. Fungus activates viruses and can reactive attenuated ones in the vaccine. This is more likely with multiuse vials. You see fungus spores are everywhere, so even if the vial is cleaned with alcohol a spore can fall on it and be injected. That is why they put Thimerosol in the vaccines, to kill the fungus. The NIH and CDC know the cause of the upswing in autism and will not allow people to find out because they will stop vaccines massively even though most of them are not smart enough to read a research article. It’s not anti-vaxxer, it’s look at the facts, stop giving massive vaccines at one time, check the immune systems of kids and see what latent viruses they are carrying.

Oh and BTW just because you read one research paper it does not mean you understand what is going on. Also, are you saying you trust the American Medical Association? There are huge reasons not to, I have ME/cfs which the AMA essentially said was caused by our vaginas making us crazy and am also a DES Daughter, they allowed our vaginas and other ladyparts to be deformed by drug companies while we were in uteruses, it also causes immune system problems, brain changes, depression...never trust them, especially when vaginas are involved.

We're glad that she likes us, even though we keep writing cacadoody which reinforces the grip of Big Pharma over our lives. And golly, we didn't know half that stuff about how the real cause of autism is known, but covered up, because lord knows no loony conspiracy theory ever used that argument. Also, while we are indeed sympathetic to the very real suffering of people who were harmed by Diethylstilbestrol (DES), which did indeed cause birth defects, we'd also point out that it was those heartless bastards at the FDA and in the medical research establishment who proved that it was harmful and got it pulled from the market -- after the New England Journal of Medicine showed the drug was linked to cancers in women exposed to the drug in utero. Yes, medical science fucks up sometimes. It's also the best corrective for those fuckups, and a hell of a lot more reliable than whatever NaturalNewsPanic blog our pal is getting her Autism Facts from. We get it -- the Tuskeegee Experiment was an atrocity, and a good reminder not to blindly trust everyone with a white coat and a stethoscope, especially if you're a black person living in the South in the 1940s. But no, it's not proof that all medical science is an insidious plot to kill us. Just some of it.

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Science Facts also motivated "Modres" to respond to our piece on why WND wingnut Erik Rush wants Neil deGrasse Tyson dead. "Modres" has simply had it with all of the lies about climate change, although we are happy to note that he doesn't seem to think anyone needs to be executed over the issue, at least not just yet:

I personally like how we are told repeatedly that the water woes in California are due solely to "climate change" when it is patently clear that the crisis is people made. Sending billions of gallons of fresh water into the Pacific Ocean to save SIX steelheads or being stuck in 1970s mode of thinking with respect to population and need, which means doing nothing to build new storage facilities or desalinization systems, is the norm for California due to radical environmentalism.

Oh but in reality, none of these things matter. It's all "climate change." I love how the left changes the name of something when the first name doesn't work out. Doesn't change FACTS, but they'll always use emotional virtue (political correctness, aka Cultural Marxism) to get around that.

Leftism is truly a disease of the mind where common sense, logic, and factual awareness play no part in anything.

Party on, dudes and dudesses!

Morons...

God, all those stupid scientists who insist that global warming is solely responsible for the drought. They are all morons! You know, like the December 2014 NOAA report that attributes the drought primarily to a "prolonged, enhanced high-pressure ridge off the West Coast," but also noted that "record high temperatures during the drought were likely made more extreme due to human-induced climate change." Damn those scientists for refusing to recognize that it's actually endangered fish and their hippie comrades what made the rain stop falling and hogged all the water for themselves. If you really want to know why California's had a record low rainfall and snowpacks for several years, just blame environmentalists, scientists, and their refusal to face FACTS. Like how whatever the localized causes of droughts, climate change makes them worser.

Also, too, we're not sure we agree with you a hundred percent on your conspiracy work, there, Lou -- it's not "six steelhead" that the Greenies rerouted all of the state's freshwater into the ocean for, it's the Delta Smelt. Jesus, if a commie liberal has to correct you on your wingnut theories, that's just not going to win you any credibility at all at Free Republic. Next you'll be saying Obama was born in Tanzania and raised in Micronesia, or that he wants to take away your gub.

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And finally, a few thoughts from the Men And Women of Few Words Department: Our piece last week on Ted Cruz and his difficulties with quoting his favorite TV show right drew this inventive video link from "Heil Hitler!" (whose email address is allegedly "jewsarefilthyscums@[redacted].com"). And nothing else. Normally, we'd just ignore neo-Nazi trolls, but this one is special: the video is a little song called "Mein Kampf" by -- get this -- a Russian neo-Nazi metal band. If Illinois Nazis are bad, don't Russian Nazis simply make no fucking sense whatsoever?

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We also heard from "WTF," who did not care even one little bit for our piece about Rick Perry's hypothetical attendance of a gay wedding:

Is it bad if I picture this piece being screamed by a red faced beta male liberal whose foaming at the mouth?

Man Up losers

We have thoroughly fact-checked this comment with Evan, who assures us that he is neither red-faced nor a beta male, and has definitely stopped huffing Redi-Whip, so even the foamy mouth thing is wrong. He does cop to being a liberal, however. He also mentioned that for some reason, the Perry piece elicited a lot of angry Tweets from a gay Republican who may or may not be the same dude, who is apparently insufficiently Manned Up his own self.

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And finally, there's "woodrowpimp," who wins Best Username of the Week, and may or may not actually be Rand Paul. Woodrowpimp just has this to say about Rand Paul and his dislike of all those crazy broads calling him a sexist:

Pretty crappy article...This is why he gets pissed with reporters.. Reporters skew his views

Hahahaha, woodrowpimp called us "reporters." You'll have to come up with a better insult than that, dude.

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And would you believe that was pretty much all the deleted comments? Except for a few people who were tapped with the Mallet of Loving Correction (™ and ® John Scalzi) because they didn't read the Rules and insisted on making Funny Jokes about Joe Arpaio going to jail and getting raped. You know who you are, and you should know better. Now go play nicely.

Programming Note: Yr Doktor Zoom is taking the next week off, for battery-recharging, yay! Don't worry, Shy will be wielding the Banhammer with the same skill as always. See you later, suckers!

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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