'Democrat' Jim Webb Announces Candidacy To Be 2016's Tim PawlentyZZZZZZZZZ

Former Virginia Senator Jim Webb announced Thursday that he's running for the Democratic nomination for president, and we suppose that some people may have actually showed up for the announcement. Oh, actually, no, he just sent an email, which was probably a pretty smart move, considering. Webb is running for the most sincere of reasons, probably, we didn't even check, because fuck that guy, he is well past his sell-by date. Also he thinks he'd be a good Reagan, which would be reason enough to ignore the hell out of him.

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A proud Virginian, but not the gruff-but-loveable James Drury kind, Webb recently treated us to some thoughts on the Confederate flag that actually came off being far more reactionary than Mitt Goddamned Romney and half the Republican field:

This is an emotional time and we all need to think through these issues with a care that recognizes the need for change but also respects the complicated history of the Civil War. The Confederate Battle Flag has wrongly been used for racist and other purposes in recent decades. It should not be used in any way as a political symbol that divides us.

But we should also remember that honorable Americans fought on both sides in the Civil War, including slave holders in the Union Army from states such as Missouri, Kentucky, Maryland and Delaware, and that many non-slave holders fought for the South. It was in recognition of the character of soldiers on both sides that the federal government authorized the construction of the Confederate Memorial 100 years ago, on the grounds of Arlington National Cemetery.

This is a time for us to come together, and to recognize once more that our complex multicultural society is founded on the principle of mutual respect.

And then Tonstant Weader fwowed up.

In his announcement letter, says HuffPo, Webb "touted his military experience and his time in the U.S. Senate as reasons why voters should choose him as the Democratic nominee," and then we realized that we just couldn't be bothered thinking about Jim Webb anymore, because honestly, Jim Webb? If nothing else, we feel it's safe to predict that Webb's presence in the primary field should enhance the visibility of Lincoln Chafee. 

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You can be a Sanders Wonker or you can be a Hillz Wonker, and much blood will be spilled in the comments. But there is no such thing as a Webb Wonker because go away you fucking troll.

[ HuffPo / This URL Soon To Be Available Through Godaddy.com ]