Democratic Debate Moderator Sleeping With Republican Benghazi Committee, We Guess

"This shit again?"

There is a general consensus emerging on every internet in the whole galaxy that Wednesday night's Democratic debate, moderated by Univision's María Elena Salinas and Jorge Ramos, and the Washington Post's Karen Tumulty, was the dumbest debate that ever existed in this whole primary season, which is, science fact, the dumbest primary that ever existed in recorded history. Oh, the candidates were fine, we guess. But ooh child, those moderators.

We'll have a more play-by-play rundown of the overall suckitude of last night's performance later today, but right now we want to know this: Who pissed all up in Jorge Ramos's Corn Flakes? Was it Hillary? Did she do Vince Foster to his Corn Flakes? Did she do BENGHAZI to them? Judge for yourself:  

RAMOS: OK, next question. I want to continue with the issue of trust. Secretary Clinton, on the night of the attacks in Benghazi, you sent an e-mail to your daughter Chelsea...

[BOOING]

We left the "booing" in there for a reason, because it's important to note that even in this highly contested primary, where Hillary and Bernie fans are sniping at each other and hating each other until either the end of time or the Democratic National Convention (whichever comes first), the crowd went APESHIT with disapproval. Who the fuck let Fox News through the front door? That's what they wanted to know.

He continued:

RAMOS: ... saying, that Al Qaida was responsible for the killing of the Americans.

(BOOING)

RAMOS: However, some of the families claim that you lied to them.

For real they were not done booing, because the question was bad and Jorge Ramos should feel bad. We're not going to spend time on Hillary's answer, because it was basically a well-thought-out CliffsNotes version of everything she said FOR ELEVEN GODDAMNED HOURS TO THE REPUBLICANS ON THE BENGHAZI COMMITTEE.

[contextly_sidebar id="9U3uuYqw5odXFhSKDxzCYUaLVGTpOMzW"]Like when she calmly and respectfully declared "GAME ON, FUCKER" to Rep. Trey Gowdy, chair of the House Select Committee on Benghazi, at the very beginning of the hearings.

Like when she had to Secretary-splain to Kansas Rep. Mike Pompeo that it's really no big deal that Sidney Blumenthal sent her some emails, because he's her friend, and that while she understands most of the emails Pompeo gets are from feral cows, some of her friends are more cooler than his friends.

[contextly_sidebar id="eBTJQqjZR41iprd2vJ2blOdBqrRzEgNg"]Like when sorority Rep. Martha Roby of Alabama was just pretty sure? Because she read it? In one of Hillary's emails? That Hillary didn't even know where Benghazi is? And Hillary had to pat her on the head and say, "I know honey, you're an idiot."

Like when she had to explain to Pompeo that no, it is not weird that slain Ambassador Chris Stevens had never been to her house, because it's not typical practice for ambassadors to have bon-bons with the secretary of state in the bathtub after hours.

Like when she had to pivot back to Rep. Roby and laugh her fucking ass off when Roby asked her was she home the night Benghazi happened? Alone???? Was she alone THE WHOLE NIGHT? Or did Huma come over to binge-watch "The L Word" and do sex scissors? It's not very funny, Hillary, stop laughing!

[contextly_sidebar id="98DowbPUeogNyvg8AY5ROOfc9fEXRzXa"]And finally, at the end of the entire ELEVEN FUCKING HOURS, when she had answered every single question they threw at her, and listened to every dirty insinuation, she looked goddamned presidential  and the Republicans on the committee looked like pissy children. Even Gowdy admitted his dog-and-pony show provided absolutely no new information that hadn't been investigated eleventy-thousand times.

Hillary closed the book on these questions. IN OCTOBER. So we are not sure why Univision's Jorge Ramos thought he had some smoking gun that would prove that Hillary is the Evil Benghazi Queen Of Terror And Lies. Maybe he is just an idiot and shouldn't moderate debates, because he sucks.

[debate transcript via Washington Post ]