Serious Presidential Contender Donald Trump (we almost typed that with a straight face ... almost) angrily denied suggestions that he was a secret Democratic operative loosed on the 2016 Republican field to make the party look stupid. For one thing, with Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, Jeb! Bush, and several thousand other candidates, the field needed no extra help. Specifically, Trump took issue with Florida Republican congresstroll Carlos Curbelo's recent suggestion that maybe, just maybe, Trump might be a stealth Democrat. Curbelo, who supports Jeb! Bush, said in a recent radio interview:

There are too many important national, local international topics to waste time talking about a person who, I repeat, in my judgment is irrelevant -- and who quite possibly is a phantom candidate recruited by the left to create this entire political circus[.]

On a different Miami radio program, Curbelo explained:

I think there's a small possibility that this gentleman is a phantom candidate. Mr. Trump has a close friendship with Bill and Hillary Clinton. They were at his last wedding. He has contributed to the Clintons' foundation. He has contributed to Mrs. Clinton's Senate campaigns. All of this is very suspicious.

Speaking on Fox & Friends Wednesday, Trump shot down such speculation, just as any good double agent would do:

"Believe me -- from Hillary's standpoint, the one person she doesn't want running against her is Donald Trump," he said of the Democratic presidential frontrunner.

We have no reason to doubt this whatsoever. Yr Wonkette contacted a Clinton campaign staffer who asked to be identified only as "Br'er R" and confirmed that the campaign is indeed terrified by the prospect of having to go up against Trump's formidable intellect, and also strenuously objected to holding any debates in the briar patch.

The former reality TV star argued that contributing to the Clintons and others was just the price of doing business prior to entering the political arena.

"I'm a businessman. I contribute to everybody," Trump said. "When I needed Hillary, she was there. If I say 'go to my wedding,' they go to my wedding."

People do what Donald Trump wants, obviously. Besides, palling around with the Clintons, making his shitty line of now-discontinued clothing in China -- these are things Donald Trump didn't want to do, but had to, because that is how business works, my friend. Unlike negotiating an arms agreement to put Iran's nuclear program in mothballs for over a decade. That's just morally reprehensible, unless it turns out we got a really good price on some of those Persian carpets, that could sweeten the deal, maybe, and they'd look great in whatever casino we happen to be planning to drive into bankruptcy soon.

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Besides, Trump insists, he is beholden to no one, because he's self-financing his campaign. And apart from the people he pays to say yes to him, Donald Trump has no friends who might want him to do favors:

"That's part of the problem with our system," he said on "Fox & Friends." "They're going to do for me and all their donors things that aren't necessarily good for the country, but that are good for their donors."

You see? Donald Trump is his own man, and all the crazy shit he comes up with is 100 percent his own. Don't you feel a lot better now?

[RawStory / Fox & Friends]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Have you all been noticing that Senator Mazie Hirono of Hawaii has been breaking her foot off in some asses lately? We have been noticing it!

This woman, who is battling cancer, is OVER IT. She is OVER THESE DUMB ASSHOLE GOP MEN in the Senate and wherever else these men are currently bothering her, and she is probably done with YOUR FACE, if your face is one of the things that pisses Mazie Hirono off. Here she is addressing ridiculous allegations that Senate Judiciary Committee chair Chuck Grassley is somehow doing his job and working real hard to get in touch with Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, the woman Brett Kavanaugh allegedly tried to rape 36 years ago, so they can work out a time for Dr. Blasey to testify for the committee in a way that makes her comfortable:

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Donald Trump's presidency has made white nationalism fashionable again. It doesn't help matters that social networking giant Facebook has offered white nationalists a global platform for their hate. Back in May, Motherboard obtained internal documents that revealed how Facebook planned to handle white supremacist content on its site after Charlottesville. It was incredibly stupid.

See, Facebook wouldn't let you post praise of white supremacy as an ideology or identify yourself as a "proud" white supremacist. It would allow you to post praise of white nationalism as an ideology or identify yourself as a "proud" white nationalist. All those tech bros and all those hoodies in the same place and they still couldn't muster the collective brain power to understand that white supremacy and white nationalism are synonymous, by which I mean the exact same thing but with a slightly different arrangement of letters.

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