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Serious Presidential Contender Donald Trump (we almost typed that with a straight face ... almost) angrily denied suggestions that he was a secret Democratic operative loosed on the 2016 Republican field to make the party look stupid. For one thing, with Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, Jeb! Bush, and several thousand other candidates, the field needed no extra help. Specifically, Trump took issue with Florida Republican congresstroll Carlos Curbelo's recent suggestion that maybe, just maybe, Trump might be a stealth Democrat. Curbelo, who supports Jeb! Bush, said in a recent radio interview:


There are too many important national, local international topics to waste time talking about a person who, I repeat, in my judgment is irrelevant -- and who quite possibly is a phantom candidate recruited by the left to create this entire political circus[.]

On a different Miami radio program, Curbelo explained:

I think there's a small possibility that this gentleman is a phantom candidate. Mr. Trump has a close friendship with Bill and Hillary Clinton. They were at his last wedding. He has contributed to the Clintons' foundation. He has contributed to Mrs. Clinton's Senate campaigns. All of this is very suspicious.

Speaking on Fox & Friends Wednesday, Trump shot down such speculation, just as any good double agent would do:

"Believe me -- from Hillary's standpoint, the one person she doesn't want running against her is Donald Trump," he said of the Democratic presidential frontrunner.

We have no reason to doubt this whatsoever. Yr Wonkette contacted a Clinton campaign staffer who asked to be identified only as "Br'er R" and confirmed that the campaign is indeed terrified by the prospect of having to go up against Trump's formidable intellect, and also strenuously objected to holding any debates in the briar patch.

The former reality TV star argued that contributing to the Clintons and others was just the price of doing business prior to entering the political arena.

"I'm a businessman. I contribute to everybody," Trump said. "When I needed Hillary, she was there. If I say 'go to my wedding,' they go to my wedding."

People do what Donald Trump wants, obviously. Besides, palling around with the Clintons, making his shitty line of now-discontinued clothing in China -- these are things Donald Trump didn't want to do, but had to, because that is how business works, my friend. Unlike negotiating an arms agreement to put Iran's nuclear program in mothballs for over a decade. That's just morally reprehensible, unless it turns out we got a really good price on some of those Persian carpets, that could sweeten the deal, maybe, and they'd look great in whatever casino we happen to be planning to drive into bankruptcy soon.

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Besides, Trump insists, he is beholden to no one, because he's self-financing his campaign. And apart from the people he pays to say yes to him, Donald Trump has no friends who might want him to do favors:

"That's part of the problem with our system," he said on "Fox & Friends." "They're going to do for me and all their donors things that aren't necessarily good for the country, but that are good for their donors."

You see? Donald Trump is his own man, and all the crazy shit he comes up with is 100 percent his own. Don't you feel a lot better now?

[RawStory / Fox & Friends]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Tucker Carlson has recently dressed himself in the borrowed robes of an anti-elitist crusader. He thought he'd intercepted another kindred spirit like Glenn Greenwald when he invited Dutch historian Rutger Bregman onto his Fox show. It didn't work out that way and Carlson wound up screaming obscenities at Bregman. The segment never aired ... until now. Bregman recorded the interview and shared the whole thing yesterday through NowThis News.

The video's been viewed more than 6 million times so far, and the average audience for Carlson's show is roughly half that. Smart move there, Tucker. The entire exchange is delightful. Carlson started out giggling like a school boy because Bregman stuck it to those hypocrites who fly in private jets to a global summit on climate change. He even said he'd take his hat off to Bregman if he were wearing one. He's practically flirting with the guy at this point. We're just five minutes away from a total meltdown. Is Bregman going to start describing sexual encounters with Carlson's mother? No, he just suggested that rich people in America should pay more taxes.

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Photo: Desmog Blog

The Washington Post reports the Trump administration is on the verge of forming a panel to reconsider the Pentagon and Intelligence community assessment that climate change poses a serious concern for national security. The idea that climate is a national security concern is hardly crazy -- the Pentagon has been warning about the implications of climate change for national defense since the 1990s, and by 2010, the Defense Department was urging that climate change should be considered a major force of destabilization around the world. Hungry people whose crops have dried up may get violent, you know? Or at least pick up and move elsewhere, where they may not be welcome. Similarly, the CIA in 2008 tried to assess the likely effects of climate change on security through 2030.

Of course, now that President ScienceBrain is in office, that's all in the trash, at least in the Oval Office. And this new effort to set up a "Presidential Committee on Climate Security" through an executive order has the potential to erase considerations of climate from national security planning, because the "president" doesn't believe it, and has surrounded himself with other great intellects who reject science too. And hoo boy, get a load of the guy in charge of the whole shebang: William Happer, a laser expert who worked on Reagan's Star Wars antimissile program and, not surprisingly, is not a climate scientist. Instead, he argues that we need a lot more CO2 in the atmosphere, because it's what plants crave.

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