Demons And Crack Forcing Us To Believe Biden Won Election, Says Totally Normal Christian Preacher

Religion

When last we met Pastor Greg Locke, he was telling us all about the normal things he believes, like how Joe Biden is possessed by a demon and Tom Hanks and Oprah are operating a child sex trafficking ring through tunnels that are underneath the White House. But those are not the only extremely normal and rational things Pastor Greg Locke believes. He also believes the delta variant doesn't exist and is instead a "vaccine variant" being spread by people who got the vaccine. While he has been widely mocked for this belief, he told his congregation on Sunday that the CDC itself confirmed his findings this week.

And he would like an apology. From the media.



While the real CDC has not, in fact, confirmed Locke's findings, that does not for sure mean another thing called "CDC" has not. It is entirely possible the Cedar City Regional Airport (IATA code: CDC) in Utah thinks he is correct here. Or perhaps the Canadian Dairy Commission. We don't want to jump to conclusions here. (NOTE: We have no evidence those fine institutions think Greg Locke is correct. We are, as ever, making jokes.)

Also, during his sermon, Pastor Locke — after yelling at the crowd that there would be no mask-wearing in his church — stated that the only people who believe Joe Biden is the legitimate president are "crack-smoking, demon-possessed leftists."

Is that traditionally how possession works? I am not a theological expert like Pastor Greg Locke, but I have seen The Exorcist. I've seen all 45,000 seasons of "Supernatural." I am currently watching that "Evil" show about exorcisms with the hot guy from "Marvel's Jessica Jones" and the weird guy from "Lost." And at no point in any of those movies or television shows have I seen a demon possess someone and then make them believe someone won an election they didn't win. Usually the demon takes over entirely, rather than just kind of hanging out in someone's subconscious, making them believe incorrect things.

Are we to believe demons have nothing better to do than to convince us Joe Biden won an election? Really? The crack smoking I get. Totally can see why demons might make us smoke crack. It's probably a great time for them. But are demons really gonna come all the way up from hell and possess millions of people just to make them think Joe Biden won the election? They can't find someone a tad saucier than that? I mean, no offense to Joe Biden — who, according to Pastor Locke, is also demon-possessed — but he does not seem like he would be the first choice of demonkind. Especially since it does not seem as though they have much of a follow-up plan. It really does not seem like any of this has been thought out particularly well.

Of course, it is entirely possible none of us are demon-possessed and Pastor Greg Locke is just throwing out every possible bizarre thing he can think of up against the wall in hopes of creating a loyal army who will give him all their money. After all, no successful cult has ever started out by telling people anything normal.

[Right Wing Watch]

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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

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