Happily, the police were just as confused as Ms. Kissel about what the parents wanted them to do. The police

said they had been called out by someone concerned about teenagers picking up a copy of the book without having a parent's permission

Police asked Kissel about passing out the book. They said they found nothing wrong with what was going on in the park.

And so, happily, the banning of a book has increased teens' interest in the book. And the police are doing nothing to stop this outbreak of reading. As Sherman Alexie and illustrator Ellen Forney know all too well, such interest can be dangerously sexxay:

Also, you should all read Absolutely True Diary. It's funny as all fuck, and like so many banned books, sweet and humane and even kind of inspiring. But it also includes the line, "If God hadn't wanted us to masturbate, then God wouldn't have given us thumbs," so maybe you should just burn it instead.

Dear Ms. Schlafly,

I’m a teenage girl who has been reading about you quite a bit in the news lately. It seems to me that you have absolutely no idea what women of my generation are all about. I can understand that because I often deal with older people who think that their generation is superior and my generation is the worst thing ever just because we’re different. Really though, I think since you want to be all up in the public eye, it would really do you a lot of good to understand things from the perspective of one of the young women who will be taking over this country soon.

I’ve been thinking about how I can explain what feminism means to my generation in a way you might not have thought of before. I wanted to try to work from something we have in common, and it’s been kind of hard to find something I have in common with you. Then, it came to me. I bet you wear a bra.

Kinney went on to say that not all bras fit all women's shapes or tastes, and that

making choices in our lives as young women is kind of like finding that favorite bra. Not all of us are going to fit into the same kind and not all of us are going to find the same style attractive ... Choosing a bra is a very personal choice and is none of anyone else’s business.

We would like to report that Ms. Kimrey closed by telling Schlafly to stop looking down other women's shirts and to "calm her tits," but no, the kid had to go and be tasteful.

Correction/Update:When we initially posted this story, we got Madison Kimrey's name wrong -- it genuinely looked like "Kinney" to Yr Doktor Zoom, who is going to make an appointment to update his glasses prescription at Magoo Optometry ASAP.

There is an exclusive contract with the Somali community both for janitorial services and for taxi driving ... the refugee community has unrestricted access at my airport to baggage, to planes, to many, many things.

Getting out of the plane last weekend I went to a taxi stand and quietly asked the attendant to put me in a cab, preferably not a Somali cab -- that was my first mistake as I was trying to protect myself. I had every right to be concerned, having just reported on the Kansas City attack, and being alerted to the Ukraine crisis for the Jewish community. You see, I wear a jewish star all the time; it's very clear I am Jewish-American.

What ensued was a ride in a taxicab with a northern Sudanese cab driver* who'd got wind that I didn't want a Somali cab driver. He turned to me while driving 70 miles per hour, with the back doors of my cab locked...

And you know what he did? He said he'd sue her for being a bigot!!! An anti-Semitic attack!!! And then he said he was going to drive to the police, which we presume was code for, "I am going to leave your headless body in the desert." But she bravely replied, "Buddy, this is America. I can get into any cab I want!"

She somehow survived the ordeal, although the YouTube recording ends there, and darned if a brief web search could turn up any more information on the alleged incident, which we are certain happened exactly as Benson reported it, because why would she just make shit up?

*who presumably can't have existed, considering that "exclusive contract" with Somalis...

A person in an expansive mood might even say exploitation of fossil fuels is a miracle, enabling transnational markets for food, widespread travel and education, heavier-than-air flight, full-time employment for left-wing commentators, and even the abolition of slavery.

And so, given that the vast majority of current energy is provided by fossil fuels, eliminating them all at once (which of course is exactly what all "warmists" advocate) would "condemn billions of people to their deaths." Stupid liberals want to kill everyone. This, by the way, is all Chris Hayes's fault, because he made a comparison between the importance of slavery to the American economy in the mid 19th century and today's reliance on fossil fuels -- his point was that making a change that is against the economic interests of the leadership class is difficult, not that climate change = slavery, or that immediate "abolition" of fossil fuels is called for. But yeah, tl;dr: Chris Hayes wants to kill most of the people on Earth. What a pity.

Koch brothers oppose local zoo animals is a fun, quirky headline. Koch brothers build national alternative to Republican party might be more accurate. Either way, a 500-pound gorilla joke is in order.

Well thanks one hell of a lot. We weren't planning to sleep especially well anyway.