Derp Roundup: Your Weekend Mixtape Of Rightwing Noise
Here we are with another collection of stories that are too stoopid to ignore altogether but that we just couldn't bring ourselves to waste a full-length post on. Think of it as the Arby-Q of Wonkette posts. Let's start with the latest from longtimeWonket pal Larry Klayman, who was at it again last week with yet another call for a military coup against Barack HUSSEIN Obama, saying it's time to
"Occupy Washington" to cleanse the nation of the half-Muslim, anti-white, socialist fraud in the White House before the nation goes under for the final count.
You, know, the usual: Benghazi, Fast-n-Furious, the "betrayal" of Seal Team 6, and so on. Klayman has given up on the courts (they won't see the light and declare the birf certificate a fraud) and Congress (they'll never impeach), but happily, he's set up his own "citizens' grand juries" (you know they're serious, 'cause they have a website) that are on the verge of finding Obama and other traitors guilty of Big Crimes. Once those convictions come down, Klayman doubts that Obama will "surrender himself to the people's system of justice for incarceration," so he's calling on "all American patriots, once we obtain this conviction, which we will shortly, to converge on Washington":
Millions should stand in front of the White House and other national treasures and demand that Barack Hussein Obama leave. If the Egyptians can do this with regard to another radical Muslim, former president Mohamed Morsi of the Muslim Brotherhood, then can't we Americans do it with Obama?
And, when we do converge on and "Occupy Washington" in the millions on a date to be announced for the week before Thanksgiving, the people may think about chanting: "Mr. President (to use the term loosely), put the Quran down, get up off your knees and come out with your hands up!"
We really have to remember to check back in November when THAT happens.
- Texas cartoon character Louie Gohmert explained that blaming guns for mass shootings is like blaming spoons for obesity.
- North Carolina finally got around to banning sharia law, so that's a big relief; the bill was passed back in June in the middle of the state's flurry of legislation to screw the poors and suppress minority voting, so Gov. Pat McCrory didn't think it was worth either signing or vetoing. So the bill simply became law without his signature last week, and will immediately begin having no effect on anything, except for maybe helping some jerk feel entitled to yell at a woman wearing a headscarf.
- A review book for the Advanced Placement U.S. History Exam became the focus of wingnut rage in Texas because its summary of the 2nd Amendment said it means "The people have the right to keep and bear arms in a state militia." The book was published before the 2008 District of Columbia v. Heller decision that stated that gun ownership was an individual right. There was also some additional butthurt over the book's suggestion that the 1st Amendment somehow involves "separation of church and state," because those words are not in the Constitution (as if that means the concept is not). So, just to keep track: The book's summary of the First Amendment is bad because it includes words not in the Constitution, and its summary of the Second is bad because it includes a word that is in the Constitution but doesn't matter.
- In other book-banning news, North Carolina's Randolph County Board of Education removed Ralph Ellison's Invisible Man from all school libraries following a parent's complaint that the book was "filthy" and "too much for teenagers." Board member Gary Mason said “I didn’t find any literary value” in the book. With any luck, Randolph County teens will hurry to find out what all the fuss is about.
UPDATE: Since news of the banning has gone national, the Randolph County Board of Education has scheduled a special meeting for September 25 to reconsider the banning of Invisible Man. Thanks to alert commenter "Blueb4sinrise" for the update!
- Creationist Ken Ham, the great mind behind Kentucky's Creation Museum, explained that Bill Nye the Science Guy doesn't "understand science correctly" because the only real science is that which is observed directly, like the authors of the Bible did.
And finally, because we love you, a fun link that has nothing to do with wingnuts at all: the Thomas Friedman Op/Ed Generator, inspired by a McSweeney's piece by Michael Ward. All the clichés of a Thomas Friedman column, without any need to read a real Thomas Friedman column.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.