Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Gala Of Goofs And Gomers
Welcome to another Derp Roundup, the weekly feature where we scrape our browser tabs for the stories that are too stoopid to ignore altogether but not quite worth a full post, stir in some weapons-grade snark, and serve it up to you. We recommend you add your own mental lubricant, but not right before you get interviewed by Bob Costas.
Yr Doktor Zoom didn't pay especially close attention to the interview, which mostly left us thinking Barry looked tired, but let us also confess that we are not very observant -- we don't even notice whether the person in front of us at the supermarket is using an EBT card. In any case, there's undoubtedly a perfectly reasonable explanation, like Barry not having a teleprompter to read from, haw-haw-haw.
If the father had any sense, he would have handled the entire thing differently. Unless the homeowner was clearly off his nut, the father should have explained gun rights and property rights to the girl and amended his approach to knocking on strangers' doors. If the father had not become so outraged at the sight of the gun, he might have made a friend.
Several other comments said that, considering all the violent home invasions that happen daily in their imaginations, it is in fact only reasonable to answer every knock at the door with a gun in your hand. The only serious question is whether you should have a round in the chamber and the safety off.
No real explanation of "Featuring musical selections by Ron.” -- We're betting that "Ron" is an in-house joke about the McDonalds' muzak system, like how Disney employees call their job "Workin' at the Rat."
Sadly, this promotion appears to be limited to one McDonalds store in Southport, North Carolina, not a national thing. Pay attention, corporate overlords -- this is the sort of thing that could definitely scale.
Video is definitely worth watching. Yr Doktor Zoom had a bit of a flashback to his very own mother rooting for the rare black game show contestant "because they've had such a hard time" and then saying of the lone black kid on some TV program, "they're just born showoffs." Just look at them and sigh, and know they love you. But that's no reason to let them get away with passing a Voter ID law.
“The word Messiah is a title and it’s a title that has only been earned by one person and that one person is Jesus Christ.”
And so she declared that he was not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy named "Martin." We missed the news that Ballew's decision was overturned in September, but now there's been one more development: Judge Ballew has been fired, following a Tennessee Board of Judicial Conduct citation for inappropriate religious bias in the case. Ballew still faces a hearing in March, and could be fined for misconduct.
As we said at the time, sure we think it's kind of a dumb name. But this is America, where you can name your child any ridiculous thing you want to, like "Mitt" or "Barack" or "Reince," because First Amendment, and that is a good thing. Also, next time you get in an online argument, you can say "Right here" and point to this picture when someone says "Where is your Messiah now?" And Messiah Deshawn McCullough is just adorbs, and wants us to tickle his ittle toes:
When he's 15, of course, he'll probably start calling himself something more conventional, like "Thor" or "Ford Prefect" or "Doktor Goes Very Fast."
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.