Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Stocking Stuffer Of Stoopid
Happy Solstice, you ugly vile little snark mob! Welcome to yet another Derp Roundup, the weekly feature where we steam-clean our browser tabs, clearing out a bunch of stories that weren't worth a full post on their own, but too stoopid to ignore altogether. Then we serve up the resulting sludge up for you to choke down as best you can (Protip: Add liquor).
HuffPo points out that Schiff's math is all wrong, linking to a 2011 study which found that raising Walmart workers' wages to $12 an hour would cost most shoppers only an average of 46 cents per shopping trip. And of course, nobody's actually proposing a sudden doubling of the minimum wage anyway -- congressional Dems are talking about $10 over several years, and Walmart strikers are suggesting $13 as an eventual target (haha, see what we did there?). And as we've mentioned several times, in other countries, McDonalds manages to pay higher wages without vastly higher prices or lower profits. Schiff is one of those Austrian-School Economics fans, whose continued insistence that our economy is just on the verge of hyperinflation has also been mocked by Paul Krugman, who noted that if your economics model is as consistently wrong as Schiff's the smart thing might be to say "Gosh, I seem to have been wrong. I need to rethink my approach."
Also, too, credit where it's due: While our worthy opponents at The Blaze buy into the premise that if the minimum wage increased to $15 "the going price for items such as sweaters and groceries would undoubtedly surge," they also acknowledge that Schiff's stunt proves exactly nothing:
First, as in all “man on the street” videos, it’s important to remember that we’re only seeing what the video’s producers want us to see.
A few shoppers may have actually tried to donate to Schiff’s fake organization. Perhaps shoppers declined Schiff’s challenge because, well, they recognized him, as Business Insider noted. Maybe they turned him down because they thought he was a hustler.
Schiff’s lack of success doesn’t necessarily mean those Walmart shoppers are against an increase in Walmart’s wages. It could just mean that the shoppers didn’t want to donate to Schiff.
We like to encourage folks on the other side of issues when they get it right like this. Now, once they embrace Keynesian economics, we'll all sing "Kumbaya" and get gay-married.
Sounds good to us! Bless us, O Lord, and these thy gifts which we are about to receive...
"Does that mean, the White House was putting politics before people? Because that's what it sounds like," Doocy said.
This news is "huge, huge -- look at me, yes -- huge!" Johnson declared. "I know we talk about regulation nation and there are so many regulations in this country, but sometimes regulations actually save lives and help people, and there should be some transparency in government ...
"They took a risk with American lives, and now Americans are paying on health care, environmental issues and worker safety," said Johnson.
So remember, kids, regulations on things like coal ash disposal, greenhouse gas emissions, and other environmental stuff are destroying American industry, wrecking the economy, and killing jerbs, and shame on Barack Obama for delaying some of those regulations for a few months merely for the sake of depriving Mitt Romney the chance to condemn them.
The Internet Was Not Pleased, and as her 12-hour flight progressed, the hashtag #HasJustineLandedYet began trending on Twitter; IAC owner Barry Diller called the tweet "outrageous, and offensive," and not terribly long after her arrival, Sacco deleted first her tweet, and then her Twitter account, and then IAC scrubbed her from their website, and presumably their payroll.
Best, awesomest good-guy trolling? Some wonderful smartass registered justinesacco.com and redirected it to Aid for Africa, a genuine AIDS & development charity hub, to which we just gave ten bucks ourselves.
Surprisingly, Sacco's sacred free speech rights haven't received a single word of support in the face of this monstrous case of censorship. If only she'd added some stuff from Leviticus!
Update: In a complete surprise to absolutely no one, IAC confirmed today that they and Sacco have "parted ways." The internet's no good at solving stuff like world hunger, but it's excellent at shitstorms.
Man, that's one heaping helping of Derp. In fact, there was so much Derp this week that we may have to bring you a second helping of Derp before next Saturday! Not only that, but we'll be bringing you an All War-On-Christmas edition of Derp Roundup on Sacred Baby Festival Day.
[YouTube / HuffPo / The Blaze / The Wire / HuffPo / Fox News / Gawker / Aid For Africa / USA Today]
Follow Doktor Zoom on Twitter. He promises to never tweet anything embarrassing from Business Class on an intercontinental flight.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.