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House Intelligence Committee Chair Devin Nunes has a #sad right now, the kind of pain he usually only feels when his sexxxiest dairy cow Nadine moos at him like "NEW PHONE WHO DIS." (Allegedly! We are not actually saying Rep. Devin Nunes, former Dairy Farmer, literally likes to fuck cows. We have no evidence on that front in either direction and wouldn't dare speculate! We are just saying he is so filled with sadness right now, he couldn't fuck a cow even if he wanted to. That's all.)

Nunes's very sad feelings stem from how Stephen Colbert, a comedian, MADE FUN OF HIM. More specifically, Colbert very cruelly made fun of HIS MEMO. Do you want to watch the funny video first, or do you want to listen to Devin Nunes bellyaching first? Hahaha, trick question, you don't make the decisions here.

Check out this hilarious video, aired Friday night, of Stephen Colbert going to Washington DC for the sole purpose of making fun of Devin Nunes's dumbass lie memo of lies:

WASN'T THAT HILARIOUS?

Did you see Colbert make a "streaming" pun about the Trump pee tape that made Democratic Senator Mark Warner try so hard not to laugh? That was great.

More importantly, did you see all the viciously satanic and teasing comments Colbert made about Devin Nunes? Did you see him ask Mark Warner if he ever gets so jealous because Adam Schiff gets to work with Devin Nunes? Did you see how Stephen Colbert had his own memo and it said "Devin Nunes is a REDACTED"? (Liar? Trump rentboy? Romancer of cows?)

Did you see how Stephen Colbert TAPED HIS MEMO TO DEVIN NUNES'S OFFICE DOOR?

Truly, Devin Nunes is now mortally wounded, by the comedy TV program. No really, he is, because Nunes went on Fox News this weekend, for the sole purpose of crying like a common Drunk Sam Nunberg:

NUNES: Yeah, well, I think this is the danger that we have in this country, this is an example of it. So, the Left controls not only the universities in this country, but they also control Hollywood in this country, and also the mainstream media. So, conservatives in this country are under attack, and I think this is a great example of it. So I hope they continue to do it, because on one hand you'll see the media BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH DEVIN NUNES COW-FUCKING SOUNDS BLAH BLAH BLAH.

GROW. A. MOTHERFUCKING. DICK. DEVIN.

To be clear, the question from the Fox News idiot was, "Did Colbert make any effort to come talk to you?"

The Fox News idiot asked the question again, and Nunes said "not that I know of." Nunes went on to claim that all his whoring for the Trump White House hasn't been done in response to White House orders, it was his very own idea to whore for the White House. He said many other words too, but it's all the same double digit IQ Devin Nunes horseshit we've debunked time and time and goddamned time again on this website.

But, among all his other lies, was Devin Nunes telling the truth when he said Stephen Colbert never tried to get in touch with him? Au contraire, motherfucker! Colbert updated everyone on his show Monday night, because, to be clear, Colbert kept the motherfucking receipts. That's what you do with pathological liars who may or may not fuck cows, like Devin Nunes:

OMG STEPHEN COLBERT CRUCIFIED POOR DEVIN NUNES WITH WEDGIES BEHIND THE GYM AFTER THIRD PERIOD AGAIN!

Key hilarious quotes:

"Say what you will about Devin Nunes, he's not that dumb ... is what I thought."

"Does it ever [strike you] as ironic that Devin Nunes is the head of something called the 'intelligence committee'?"

UNFAIR! And now we bet baby snowflake Devin Nunes is in his safe space and Nadine the Wonder Cow is making erotic moos at him but he's like "not tonight, Stephen Colbert hurt my feelings so much I cannot possibly be an animal's husband tonight, ALLEGEDLY," because he is very triggered and his heart will never recover. He might not even have the self-esteem to obstruct justice anymore HAHAHAHAHAHAHA JUST KIDDING, here's a new story about Probably Devin leaking secret House Intelligence Committee information to human fart sack Trump lawyer Michael Cohen, which we will Wonk-splain you more about in the morning.

For now, it is your open thread!

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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