Dick's Gay Daughter Mary Cheney Tells Gay-Hating GOP To Stop Being Dicks

Mary Cheney, spawn o' Dick, is the one Cheney we kind of sort of do not fully despise. She's The Gay One, and not even the self-hating kind. (Still a Republican, though, with otherwise terrible Republican values.) And while her evil Dark Lord of the Underworld father claims to love his daughter, he'd rather not talk about that because it's a private family matter.Even though Dick's other daughter, Liz, who is wholly despicable and evil just like Daddy, very publicly kicked her sister right in the girl nads when she ran (very unsuccessfully) in the Wyoming GOP primary for Senate, on an "I am not pro-gay marriage" platform, because she is wholly despicable. Which is why Mary, like the entire Republican Party in Wyoming, did not support her sister's campaign and probably had herself a satisfying chuckle when Liz had to drop out of the race. As did we all.

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While Mary, unlike her sister, is never invited to sit on Daddy's lap when he goes on TV to snarl and growl and talk about how much he loves torturing people to death, she has emerged from her quiet life as a political consultant to say some words ( in a Fox News column, naturally, because Cheney) to the Republican Party that hates her and thinks she and her wife and children are homo-destroying America to death:

There’s been a lot of discussion about same sex marriage over the last few months – particularly from the candidates running for the GOP nomination. Sometimes it seems as if they are in a contest to see who can be the most stalwart defender of “traditional marriage” – who can most effectively stoke the unfounded fears of the far right.

Hmmm, ya think? Like in April, when the candidates were trying to out-bigot each other in a bizarre hate-off about who would refuse to attend a gay wedding, as if any of them would ever be invited to one, or touch A Gay, or look directly at A Gay -- except for a couple RINOs like Rick Perry who said he would "probably" go to a gay wedding, but that's an unfair gotcha question, 'scuse him, he has to go jogging and shoot at some wolves now.

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While the Cheney family is famous for fear-mongering, and also for being dicks, Mary Cheney does not care for Republican fear-mongering and being dicks when it comes to, you know, her and her family, and besides "that fight is already over" anyway:

When talking about same sex marriage, these candidates regularly throw around phrases like religious freedom and religious liberty, warn that marriage equality will lead to the criminalization of Christianity or the downfall of the American family, and fret that our nation’s very future is at risk.

Then, in a true affront to Republican values, Mary invokes some numbers and facts about how most Americans are cool with marriage equality, and the GOP better get cool with it right quick because "that fight is already over." And the party that is always blah blahing all the time about liberty and freedom and supporting families should stop trying to undermine families and take away their freedom and liberty, and Mary Cheney is sick of listening to these Republican hypocrites and would like them to leave families like hers alone now, damnit:

So the next time a Republican presidential candidate wants to talk about the need for our society to support and protect families and children, I hope he or she will include all families and all children in that protection – including the hundreds of thousands of children like my son and daughter who are growing up with same-sex parents.

We are sure all of the Republican candidates -- and heck, the whole party -- will take Mary Cheney's plea quite seriously and come to gay Jesus right quick. Or maybe they will not do that at all and instead ignore her, which they're used to doing because she's their least favorite Cheney, what with hernotbeating war drums and blaming Obama for everything all the time. (But come on, her consulting firm supports the Keystone XL pipeline. Sheisa Republican, after all. Partial credit?) Too bad, though, that her party would rather just take advice from her evil father, because she is the one Cheney who happens to be right.

[ Fox News ]