Did Josh Duggar Jailbreak From Sex Rehab? Guard Your Sheep And Your Women!
Making that face is one of the things he learned in sex rehab.
Uh oh, it's Duggar Friday at the Wonkette! (Which is different from Duggar Tuesday, where ladies Duggar all night for free, and Duggar Thursday, which is all-you-can-eat ewwwwww.) So let's find out if there's anything going on in the Duggar family and oh look at this:
Why the hell did the private Duggar plane show up at the sex rehab where Josh is studying Christian boner suppression therapy?
AHEM AND EXCUSE US, we were under the impression it would take SIX WHOLE MONTHS for Josh's Duggar Stick to be fumigated, flea-dipped and redeemed by our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. So why did John David Duggar -- the adult male brother who snorted himself to Giggle Town on Twitter when he announced there was a secret Duggar courtship afoot -- fly the plane anywhere near his jizz-soaked brother?
Let's Wonksplore all the reasons we can think of:
- Josh, for serious, has seen the error of his ways and he's ready to go home and be good, and he will never get his dick wet in strange porning ladies ever again HAHAHAHAHA can't make it through this sentence without giggling.
- The Jessa Duggar one just whelped out her first babby, and apparently she had a hard labor. Maybe Josh is going to see his sister and meet her baby, whose name is Spurgeon Elliot Seewald, but they will call him "Quincy" for short, because "Quincy" is just a really good short version of Spurgeon Elliot. Don't make fun of the baby's name in the comments, you dicks. What did your moms name you anyway? Something like "Biscuit Fart"? Thought so.
- THIS tabloid says he wants to save his marriage to Anna by marching his Duggar jingly-jangly bits back up to her and winning her back, by getting her pregnant. That would be unfortunate, because we're hearing (FROM SOURCES) that Anna is rejecting Papaw Jim Bob's offer of a big new house, in exchange for staying married to Josh. The last thing she needs to do with him is have break-up sex, especially if she hasn't stopped by her local Planned Parenthood, to get her lady-jangles professionally cleaned in case Josh got something on her after he boned all those porn stars.
- WAIT A MINUTE, is John David "dorkface" Duggar helping his brother go violently bang the shit out of more porn stars? JOHN DAVID! What would Jesus say about that? Did Josh promise you could sidehug the porning lady after he's done Duggaring her?
- Maybe the plane just went to visit Josh, to make sure they didn't catch him balls deep in a non-Christ-approved orifice. Maybe the Duggars wanted to see him before Thanksgiving, since "holiday about pilgrims" is no excuse to take a break from rehab, especially when you've been making so much progress!
- Maybe he's in El Salvador right now, "preaching" to the locals in the new sexxx way he invented, even though his sister Jill Duggar and her husband Meth-Dick Dillard-Duggar were like, "No we're down here grifting donations from our idiot fans, for a quote-unquote mission trip! NO FUCKING THE TOWNSPEOPLE!" And then Josh Duggar fucked all the townspeople.
- He probably went to visit his sister Jessa.
- OR DID HE?
As we said last time there was a chance Josh was on the lam from sex rehab, so hide your kids, hide your wives, hide anybody you know who has a purty mouth. As the suspect is considered horny and gross, and after two and a half months in the Cum Thou Fount Of Every Blessing Halfway House For Unrepentant Sex Sinners, he's probably about to blow a gasket.
Anyway, welcome to the world, Jessa Duggar's new baby! We are yr Wonkette. We make fun of your mom's family a lot, because they are SO FUCKED.