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Dinesh D'Souza Tells Megyn Kelley He's Pretty Certain America Molested Barack Obama

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Dinesh D'Souza, regrettably, does not seem to have yet gone to prison for his guilty plea on that whole campaign finance donation lying thing. We know this because he showed up on Megyn Kelly's "The Kelly File" on FoxNews Monday night, and made such a fool of himself that even Megyn Kelly seemed amused and bemused by the whole thing, which is saying something.

Dinesh was there to pimp his book called America Something Something or maybe promote his movie, America Blah Blah Blah. We can't really keep track. All we know is that Dinesh loves 'Merica way more than Barack Obama does, of course and also too Bamz is a weak sister or maybe more like a traitor.

"I think with Obama you have a president who views his job as one of containing or curtailing the power of his own country. If you think that America is a global bully, you will try to shrink America’s power in the Middle East. […] He’s trying to achieve the objective of shrinking America’s power in the world."

So Obama became President of these here United States just to make sure that America was no longer influential on the world stage. Makes perfect sense!

Oh wait, it does not make sense, and even Megyn Kelly noticed that.

“If he were anti-American, if he didn’t love his country, why would he want to be president of it?”

Excellent question, Megyn! Unfortunately, Dinesh did not have an answer. Or, rather, he had an answer that was equal parts incoherent and repugnant.

“If I was in a family and I believed my dad was some kind of a serial killer or a child molester, I would still love him. He would be part of my family, but I’d do everything I could to prevent him from doing evil actions.

I would think that would be good for the world and for my dad. So with Obama, he believes he’s doing the world a favor and America a favor by controlling this rogue elephant that is the United States.”

We have to give Megyn Kelly credit. She almost -- almost! -- gets through asking Dinesh what everyone on earth watching was thinking.

“So America is the child molester in this scenario?”

It doesn't even occur to Dinesh that he's being straight-up mocked or that he just made the worst analogy ever. He just forges on, flogging his tired and weird theory.

"I think the way Obama looks at it, he sees that here’s America, which has had such a disproportionate power in the world ever since World War II. He thinks we invaded Iraq, we invaded Afghanistan, [editor's note: we totally did do those things actually] and he looks at the people fighting against us as, in a way, freedom fighters who are trying to liberate their own country from us."

Yes, Barack Obama, who has just moved troops and ships into the Gulf and is kicking around the idea of some drone strikes, is totally on the side of Iraqis because he believes they are freedom fighters.

We remain perpetually in awe of the fact that there is basically an entire television network dedicated to figuring out new ways to say that Obama is a traitor. We're also amazed that those people are occasionally so batshit that even a Fox News talking head just straight up laughs at them. We are not amazed, however, that even open mocking did not deter Dinesh D'Souza, because really, nothing will. Please tell us he goes to jail soon.

[Mediaite/The Kelly File/Al Jazeera]

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Blanket Disclaimer: Spitting on anybody is dead wrong. Even if it's a Trump.

Still, Eric Trump got to eat a tiny slice of the shit pie women, minorities, poors, disabled, and all of the other people who are deemed "takers" or who come from "shithole countries" experience at some point in their lives: He got spit on. By a woman, according to Breitbart (no link), because we are evil. Woe unto the wealthy white man! Wealthy white men are some of the most abused and marginalized people in the Universe, according to wealthy white men, and Eric Trump is no exception. Please cry for wealthy white men, ok you can stop now. Another group of Americans that are constantly abused, marginalized, and even denied their rights by the very same type of wealthy men that spawn such men as Eric Trump, are called "women." And apparently we are mean as fuck now.

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Well folks, we think we have a geopolitical relations first for an American president. We might need to consult with Doris Kearns Goodwin or Kevin Kruse, but we cannot recall a time one of America's purported enemies OR friends has called the president of the United States "retarded" or anything along those lines. We remember leaders hating American presidents. We remember them recoiling like UGH GET OFF ME when an American president tried to give them a friendly sensual love massage during the G8. We remember them literally attacking our democratic elections in order to prevent the inaugurations of potential presidents they despise and fear. But we don't remember anything like this.

President Hassan Rouhani of Iran, commenting on Donald Trump after the Trump administration threw some new sanctions at Iran on Monday:

Iran warned Tuesday that new U.S. sanctions targeting its supreme leader and other top officials meant "closing the doors of diplomacy" between Tehran and Washington amid heightened tensions, even as President Hassan Rouhani derided the White House as being "afflicted by mental retardation."

Here is the full quote, in case you were wondering if something was lost in translation, like that time Vladimir Putin called Trump "brilliant" and Trump was so excited he left a ring of orange jizz around the bathtub, but what Putin actually said in Russian more accurately translates as "colorful" or "shiny." There's no confusion here:

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