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Let's get right to it all with Secretary of State and least favorite Pompeo (Ellen being the favorite), Mike Pompeo. Appearing on ABC's "This Week" with guest host Jonathan Karl, Pompeo was first asked about North Korea firing tactical guided weapons into the East Sea. The "strike drill" was supervised by leader Kim Jong Un on Saturday, as reported by North Korea's state media. Of course, North Korea still firing any weapons comes as a "total shock" because of these "presidential" tweets:


But what explanation could Pompeo have? Well...

POMPEO: Well, Jonathan, we still believe that there's an opportunity to get a negotiated outcome where we get fully verified denuclearization. Chairman Kim has repeated that. He's repeated that quite recently, in fact. So, we hope that this act that he took over the weekend won't get in the way [...] You have to remember, this took place -- this attack took place -- or excuse me, these launches took place just after he met with Vladimir Putin.

Oh! It's just a harmless attack launches that took place after North Korea met with American president Vladimir Putin. Nothing to worry about! Let's check-in with our Asset-in-Chief and see what he has to say:

Very reassuring. After all, we know that Kim Jong Un would NEVER lie to Trump. Like when he assured Trump about Otto Warmbier:

But this bullshit excuse was apparently not the worst thing to come from Kim Jong Un after the Hanoi Summit. According to an "unverified" report from a Japanese news agency, Kim Jong Un executed four foreign ministry officials after the summit via firing squad. Kim believed they had sold top secret information to the US before the summit after Trump dramatically marched out of the negotiations claiming North Korea vowed to only scrap its deadly nuclear arsenal AFTER sanctions were removed. When asked about this by Johnathan Karl, Pompeo displayed the full gravitas and moral outrage that is expected from the United States secretary of State:
KARL: There were reports out of -- out of the region that after the Hanoi summit several of the people that you were negotiating with, that were part of that negotiating team at Hanoi were executed. Do -- do we believe those reports are accurate?

POMPEO: Jonathan, I don't have anything to add to that for you this morning.

KARL: But there -- there seems to have been some kind of a -- of a shakeup of -- of -- of his team over there?

POMPEO: It does appear that the next time we have serious conversations that my counterpart will be someone else, but we don't know that for sure, just as -- just as President Trump gets to decide who his negotiators will be, Chairman Kim will get to make his own decisions who he asks to have these discussion.

Here's the clip, and it is actually shocking.



He dismissed the execution as just a standard personnel reshuffling. Which either means that Pompeo thinks this is normal for a world leaders (don't give Trump the idea) or it's another example of the "pro-life" party just not actually giving a shit about lives. I mean "just as President Trump gets to decide who his negotiators will be, Chairman Kim will get to make his own decisions"? Seriously?! So John McCain's "Hanoi Hilton" torture was just a vigorous massage or the starvation of North Koreans is just really dedicated dieting? WTFuck.

Attention then turned to Venezuela. Karl, after Pompeo made a statement announcing our intervention, tried to get a more solid time table:

KARL: You said today, tomorrow, or a week from now. So, you're saying this is imminent?

POMPEO:
Could be two weeks, could be four weeks.

KARL: It's not going to be two months, not going to be a year?

But when asked about Russia being involved in Venezuela, Pompeo was much more stern:

POMPEO: The – the Russians need to get out too. The president tweeted it very clearly. He said the Russians must go. We want every country – Iran is in there today. They need to leave as well. Every country that is interfering with the Venezuelan people's right to restore their own democracy needs to leave.

This would be a great statement, if Donald Trump hadn't basically contradicted the Russians even being in Venezuela. Karl quickly called Pompeo out on this obvious lie:

KARL: But wait a minute, what does he mean the Russians – that Putin does not want to get involved in Venezuela? Aren't they already deeply involved in supporting Maduro?

POMPEO: The president has said that the Russians must get out. I'm going to meet with Foreign Minister Lavrov in a couple of days. We'll have more conversations about this. The objective is very clear; we want the Iranians out, we want the Russians out, we want the Cubans out. That's ultimately what has to take place in order for Venezuelan democracy to be restored. It's very clear. I don't think anything the president said is inconsistent with that.

KARL
: But wait a minute, you said that Maduro was on the plane ready to leave and to flee for Cuba and it was the Russians that told him to stay. And the president is saying that Putin told him that he's not looking to get involved in Venezuela. Does the president not realize what you have said publicly and what is obvious, that Putin is deeply involved in Venezuela? I mean, what does he mean when he's saying he's not looking to get involved?

POMPEO
: Yeah, I didn't see the full context of the quote there. I don't know what context that was in. I do know this; the president has made clear, we want everyone out and that includes the Russians.

Ahh, the old "I don't know the full context of lies on a clip you literally just showed me" GOP move. Watch the video below to get the full context of how full shit Pompeo is.

Until next week, take Captain America's advice on intervention in Latin America.

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Michael Mora

Pop Culture observer & Comics fan. Amateur Movie Reviewer. Political Freelance Writer @wonkette. Marine, Husband & Dad. Opinions are mine only.

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Photo by Wonkette operative 'Zippy W. Spincycle'

Last week, Yr Dok Zoom talked a little bit about his damn dissertation, which looked at "Wabbit Literacy," the weird thing where we sometimes learn about the world from parodies and jokes long before we ever encounter the original stuff -- like learning about opera from cartoons. More than one person in the comments (which Wonkette does not allow and yet, like life, you find a way) mentioned they were disappointed, as kids, to learn that while roadrunners are real birds, the actual critter looks nothing like this:

Which is not to say that real roadrunners are the least bit disappointing, as animals go, because they're freaking incredible. Yes, even if they don't actually leave lines of flame down the center line of desert highways and go "Meep! Meep!" But they can sprint up to 20 miles per hour, which is faster than you, albeit slower than a real coyote's top speed. Also, yes, real coyotes are among the predators what eat roadrunners, which is why the wily birds adopted the evolutionary strategy of running right through fake tunnels coyotes paint on the sides of mountains.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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