Disgraced Colorado Rep. Gordon Klingenschmitt Will Hunt Demons In State Senate
Colorado state Rep. Gordon "disgraced former Navy chaplain" Klingenschmitt, who is one of yr Wonkette's favorites, has been in the Colorado House for a whole five minutes or so, and in that time he's made a mark! Most recently, he was in the news because he went on his Funtime Afternoon Jesus Video Program and said that a truly gruesome attack on a pregnant woman happened because God hates 'bortion so much, so he, in his infinite omniscient wisdom, sure showed that bitch!
Then he got in all kinds of trouble and had to apologize for his poor choice of words, and he even tried to make a donation to help that lady, but she told him to shove it, wonder why. For that crime, his own Republican BFFs in the House stripped him of his membership on a House committee, which was a complete act of persecution. Well, good news! Not only did Klingenschmitt, also known as "Chaps" (if you're nasty) quietly get that membership back, but he is moving on to bigger and better things! Specifically, he is going to run for the state Senate!
Klingenschmitt, R-Colorado Springs, went through a list of his accomplishments in the state Legislature Wednesday at the Airplane Restaurant. He also discussed his attempts to "fight for Republican principles" that didn't make it through the Democrat-controlled House. He took a small handful of questions limited to constituents in House District 15, teasing his "plans for 2016" along the way, before announcing he plans to run for Senate District 12.
Hurray! Now lest you think he came about this decision lightly, please know that he not only starved himself for 72 hours beforehand -- the god-botherers call this "fasting" -- but he also asked God himself for His holy advice on the issue, and God was all "sure, run for minor political office, this is TOTALLY what I care about," and Klingenschmitt was like "Great! In Jesus' name, because I was fired from the Navy for praying in Jesus' name, AMEN," and God was like "no you weren't."
Klingenschmitt says he is still very sorry about saying that mean thing about the pregnant lady, but that he is never ever going to "apologize for defending pro-life principles," because that would be wrong. Hopefully, next time he discerns God's judgment for abortion -- during one of his daily chats with the Lord of course, maybe they chit-chat in Slack -- he will be able to proclaim his truth without being abusive to an assault victim, or without saying that the murder of three Muslim students was somehow a hate crime against Christians, but there are no guarantees. You just never really know with Chaps and his demon-hunting God.