Hey look, it's Star Trek actor George Takei and, uh, non-Star Trek actress Patty Duke, doing a fun Star Trek thing for the oldz, who cannot figure out how to get their Social Security retirement payments. But it's so easy, even William Shatner could figure out how to do it! (This is the actual joke of the next PSA.)

These are real things! Kudos to the budget-conscious producers for spending so little money on these webisodes. Because America can't afford anything now! Because keeping G.E. tax-free is America's No. 1 priority, besides shooting gazillion-dollar bombs at brown people somewhere.

Wait a minute, isn't teevee's Mr. Sulu a minority of both the racial and sexual persuasions? He should not be allowed to get Social Security. Raise the Retirement Age! (Raise it to 100 for poor people, and lower it to 35 for the richest 1% of people, who also don't pay Social Security contributions beyond their first $100,000 of income.)

Okay, we just noticed Patty Duke is wearing vulcan ears. So they couldn't get Leonard Nimoy, and the next choice was ... Patty Duke?

There are about a hundred of these PSAs, for some reason. And next year, when Social Security and Medicare and everything else is canceled forever, Chuck Norris will be hired to pull the oxygen masks off old people in the hospital. [Social Security Online]