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Sure we're barreling toward a catastrophic Constitutional crisis -- but these two bastards are going to sell a lot of books! Knowing that Donald Trump parks his ass on the sofa for 12 hours a day to mainline Fox News and livetweet his nervous breakdown, Lou Dobbs and Gregg Jarrett brought the good shit last night! Poppy needs his fix, so Lou and Gregg are turning that studio into a shooting gallery. Wooohooo, time to burn the whole Justice Department DOWN!



"charge of the Supreme Court Marshal, who gonna lock ALL THE FUCKERS UP," are we right? LOLOL we kid, but the president is having a psychotic break, and we are all going to die.

WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK, GREGG? YOU WENT TO LAW SCHOOL!

Let's see if we've understood this clearly ... The president is instructing John Roberts, Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, to go kick some ass at the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court (FISC). In his diseased mind, Chief Justice Roberts has the authority to order Judge Collyer -- it's COLLYER, goddammit -- to "haul all of these people from the DOJ & FBI in there" for a hearing. After she finds out about the ten million crimes committed by law enforcement officers, all of which were somehow concealed from Jeff Sessions, Rod Rosenstein and Christopher Wray, she'll tell the that marble-mouth Jeff Sessions what to charge everyone with, and then it will be LOCK HER UP forever for the entire Deep State.

It's that little known Constitutional clause that says "Separation of Powers is cool, but sometimes the Executive needs to tell the Judiciary to seize prosecutorial authority and order the Executive Branch to lock up the Executive's political enemies, knamean?" Thus spake the Founding Fathers. In Jesus's name, Amen.

Not convinced? Here, let two botoxed hacks flap their collagen-bloated lips at you.

And if you think that shit's crazy, try making sense of this "op-ed" written by Jarrett to flog his nonsense book on the "Russia Hoax." If your Dad talked like that, you'd take him to a neurologist. Which would be such a waste, since there's bigly money to be made dealing this shit to retirees who've got a serious teevee habit and need that hit of pure, uncut rage morning, noon, and night.

Higher, baby
Get higher, baby!
Get higher, baby!
And don't ever come down! FREEBASE!

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Five Dollar Feminist

Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!

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CLEAR YOUR CALENDARS FOR FEBRUARY 7! And then fill them back up with whatever the fuck you want, because Michael Cohen has announced through his lawyers that he is too scared to testify before an open session of Congress that day, citing threats to his family from Donald Trump and Rudy Giuliani.

Wonkette has no reason to believe Cohen isn't being serious here, and NBC News reports Cohen's wife and father-in-law are particularly concerned about their safety if the man who used to call his boss MIS-TURRRR TWUMP goes to Congress and tells the truth this time. Still, we must pause to note that this is the same guy who said this to NPR reporter Tim Mak, back when Mak was at The Daily Beast:

"I will make sure that you and I meet one day while we're in the courthouse. And I will take you for every penny you still don't have," Cohen told Mak [...] "And I will come after your Daily Beast and everybody else that you possibly know."

"So I'm warning you, tread very fucking lightly, because what I'm going to do to you is going to be fucking disgusting. You understand me?"

It's not so fun when the shoe is on the other foot, IS IT, MICHAEL?

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Did Nancy Pelosi do something to give Donald Trump the mistaken impression he has leverage here? We don't remember her doing anything like that!

Trump sent Pelosi a letter this morning to say that, despite how she told him to stay the fuck out of her House because of his government shutdown, he would still be coming to the House on January 29 to deliver his State of the Union address. And for some weird-ass reason, Trump and his advisers in the White House actually thought she would back down. It's both hilarious and alarming that Trump and his people are that stupid, isn't it?

Anyway, Pelosi took the dare. She took the dare. Was there anybody besides those dumb fucking idiots in the White House who thought she wouldn't take the dare?

Pelosi sent a letter right back to Trump to kindly explain to him that no means "go fuck yourself," and that if he'd like her to stick her foot further up his ass and kick it around a bunch, he's welcome to test her some more:

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