Does Devin Nunes Have Mad Cow Disease? We Are Just Asking.
christ what a fucking idiot
We are not saying we know definitively whether or not Devin Nunes The Dairy Farmer might have accidentally made love to an infected British cow and contracted sexually transmitted cow dementia. We are just asking, because we are concerned.
Consider the evidence:
- That time in March 2017 when Devin Nunes went on a WILD AND CRAZY RIDE to the White House to get secret intelligence about "Obama people" doing illegal "wire tapps" and "unmasking" to Trump people, which he immediately shared with the White House, the very entity that gave him the secret definitely real intelligence in the first place. Even GOP Senator Richard Burr, chair of the Senate Intel Committee, said Nunes literally made all of that up.
- That time in the summer of 2017 when Nunes sent staffers on an aero-plane to merry England, so they could show up at British spy Chris Steele's lawyer's office, in a brave attempt to ... what? Give Steele a wedgie and call him a gaywad?
- Seriously, here is an exhaustive recounting of all the fuckery Devin Nunes, who was on the Trump transition team, committed in 2017 in service of his boss Donald Trump.
- THE MEMO.
- THE NEW MEMO Nunes is planning to release, now that THE MEMO has been exposed for the limp dick fraud it is.
- And now Nunes, who is a dairy farmer and not a lawyer, is trying to explain Law, How Does It Work to SCOTUS Chief Justice John Roberts, who is not taking his calls for some weird reason.
That's just off the top of our head!
AND NOW comes news that Devin Nunes is spearheading a plan to build a literal wall in the House Intelligence Committee offices, so he doesn't have to be confronted on a regular basis by normal people who know things and are smarter than him and aren't obstructing justice for Donald Trump and don't have Mad Cow Disease, AKA the evil Democrats:
For now, some Republican committee members deny knowing anything about it, while strongly suggesting the division is the brainchild of the committee's chairman, Devin Nunes, R-California.
"I'm not part of that decision," said Rep. Mike Conaway, R-Texas. "You've got to talk to Devin. I don't know what they're trying to do one way or the other."
"I swear to God I didn't know that," said Rep. Tom Rooney, R-Florida, when asked about the plan. While acknowledging a wall might not be constructive for the committee's work, he said, "The level of trust and the level of everything down there is – it's poison. It's absolute poison down there." [...]
"We have heard reports that the chairman may seek to erect a 'wall' to divide the staff of the intelligence committee on a partisan basis — this would be a terrible mistake," the committee's ranking member, Rep. Adam Schiff, D-California, told CBS News. "While we have more than our share of difficulties, the important oversight work of the committee continues with our staff working together irrespective of party. This would be a very destructive decision."
Little Devin's gonna build a walll! A big, beautiful wall! And the House Democrats will pay for it! They're not sending their best Democrats to the committee, after all, they're bringing drugs, they're bringing crime, they're rapists. And some of them, Devin Nunes assumes, are good people.
Seriously, does he have Mad Cow Disease? We are just asking, because there is a lot of evidence that makes us curious, and we are only saying so because we care about Devin Nunes very much and and want to see him happy and healthy.
Wait, what's that? The human version of Mad Cow is untreatable?
Oh well, sorry about your Mad Cow, DEVIN, allegedly!
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.
All our salaries and servers are bought by YOU! Buy us some salaries!
Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.
Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.