We knew Donald Trump's big poopypants temper tantrum was accelerating when he fired Defense Secretary Mark Esper on Twitter the other day, to be replaced by new (acting) Defense Secretary Chris Miller. Trump was planning on going on a firing rampage if he won, and since he's delusional and thinks he won, and since Esper really made Trump mad when he mildly spoke out against Trump's fascist Bible gassing behavior at Lafayette Square, we weren't surprised.

But then all these other firings and forced resignations happened, slowly at first, and then by the end of Tuesday, one every hour it seemed. We hear Miller is kinda sorta respected, but you wouldn't know it from the statement he released announcing all these personnel changes:

The new Chief of Staff for Miller at DoD will be Kash Patel from the National Security Council, replacing Jen Stewart. The statement says Miller picked Kash.

The new Under Secretary of Defense for Policy will be Anthony Tata, replacing Dr. James Anderson.

The new Under Secretary of Defense for Intelligence and Security will be Ezra Cohen-Watnick, replacing Joseph Kernan.

Any of those names sound familiar? They should to Wonkette readers, because they are some of the dumbest, most insane, batshit, unqualified, asslicking Trump losers ever to feature as bit characters in the psychodrama of the past few years.


A Quick Refresher!

Kash Patel used to be Devin Nunes's alpha dog, the author of Nunes's widely mocked RELEASE THE MEMO! that was supposed to blow the entire Russia investigation up in 2018, but ended up just smelling like a week-old loaded diaper somebody forgot to throw away. An "intelligence product," it was not. Kash believes the intel community made up the Russia investigation just to hurt Trump. In 2016, Kash was issued a rare Order on Ineptitude — yes that's what they call it! — by a federal judge in Houston, after magnificently fucking up the simple task of ordering a transcript, and then showing up in his play clothes to defend his behavior in court. Kash's dumb ass was all over the Trump Ukraine impeachment investigation, because once he was assigned to the National Security Council, he managed to convince Trump that he was the White House's "Ukraine expert," instead of the actual Ukraine expert in the house, Lt. Col. Alexander Vindman.

Kash sued Natasha Bertrand and Politico for reporting accurate facts about Vindman's testimony, alongside former NSC Russia expert Fiona Hill's, about his role in the Ukraine scandal, and to do that, Kash hired Nunes's idiot lunatic libelslander clown lawyer Steven Biss, who also oversees the case of Devin Nunes v. Imaginary Internet Cows What Hurt My Feelings.

So that's Kash. The new chief of staff at the Pentagon.

Anthony Tata, that fucker, he's so awful the Republican-controlled Senate wouldn't even confirm him. He called Barack Obama a "terrorist leader." He called Maxine Waters a "vicious race-baiting racist." He invited former CIA director John Brennan to "pick your poison: firing squad, public hanging, life sentence as prison b*tch, or just suck on your pistol. Your call."

Now he's in charge of policy at the Pentagon.

Ezra Cohen-Watnick is another Nunes minion. When he was Michael Flynn's attack schnauzer at the National Security Council, he participated in Nunes's great adventure of 2017, when he showed Nunes SECRET UNMASKING INTEL at the White House, which Nunes promptly took from the White House to the White House, so he could tell Trump all the UNMASKING SECRETS he had just learned at the White House. This was not long after Trump angrily tweeted that Barack Obama had done "WIRE TAPPS" to him.

Now he's in charge of "intelligence and security" at the Pentagon.

Only the best people.

Any More Best People?

Oh yes! Devin Nunes's goon Michael Ellis is going to the National Security Agency as its new general counsel! Ellis was Ezra Cohen-Watnick's buddy in Devin Nunes's wild ride of 2017.

Ellis was later partially responsible for putting Trump's treason Ukraine transcript in the secret Bin Laden server that hides America's deepest secrets and Trump's foulest crimes, because of course he was. He was also the one who sat on John Bolton's book manuscript and declared it to be full of top secret classified information, which was surely not a politically motivated act, no he never!

If it's confusing to keep up with when these fuckers worked for the NSC and when they worked for Devin Nunes and when they worked for Arby's, it's not just you. At one point Cohen-Watnick was sent to the Justice Department to monitor then-Attorney General Jeff Sessions for being insufficiently bootlicking.

Indeed, these dicks appear to be reshuffled every time a fire is raging somewhere, it appears so they can go hide evidence of Trump's involvement in the arson or do some other dirty work for Trump. Allegedly.

What Does It All Mean, Jack!?

If you don't get this joke, we are sorry.

We admit there's one part of us that saw all this and thought, oh Jesus, Trump is going through the Pentagon and purging everybody with the vaguest modicum of a sense of the oath they swore (to the Constitution), and replacing them with the absolute dumbest, most asslicking of all his minions, those just as devoted to making America fascist as he is. Maybe the president is indulging himself in grandiose fantasies of using the military to attack the American people in order to stay in power.

That would be a dumb plan, of course, and would betray a uniquely Trumpy ignorance. Does Trump think he's going to get a team in at the Pentagon who will make the military do Tiananmen Square shit for him? And is he aware of all the generals just below the political leadership who are absolutely ready and willing to disobey unlawful orders? Especially now that the military knows what Trump really thinks of it?

But again, most of these are Devin Nunes's people. These are people who like Devin Nunes and think he is smart. These are people who look at Devin Nunes and think, "Yeah, it is very manly and intelligent to file lawsuits against imaginary Twitter cows for hurting your feelings." (Kash was so impressed he hired Devin's lawyer for when his feelings got hurt!)

As we wrote yesterday, please remember what kind of clownass dipshit motherfuckers we are dealing with here.

All this makes us think Trump is desperately sticking loyalist morons into agencies to try to find and destroy incriminating evidence against him. We've been saying we expect Trump to fire FBI Director Chris Wray and CIA Director Gina Haspel any second now, and if that happens and he installs the stupidest person ever born in one of those positions, that'll just be more evidence that this is an evidence-destroying mission.

Or it might be even dumber.

David Ignatius reports in the Washington Post that Trump is installing these loyalists because he wants them to ... declassify information that in his stupid moron brain he thinks makes it look like Russia DID NOT help steal the 2016 election for him. No really, because that is still on President Laser Pointer's mind, even as the clock is ticking on his departure and he really should be packing his bags:

President Trump's senior military and intelligence officials have been warning him strongly against declassifying information about Russia that his advisers say would compromise sensitive collection methods and anger key allies.

An intense battle over this issue has raged within the administration in the days before and after the Nov. 3 presidential election. Trump and his allies want the information public because they believe it would rebut claims that Russian President Vladimir Putin supported Trump in 2016. That may sound like ancient history, but for Trump it remains ground zero — the moment when his political problems began.

Oh my god.

Apparently Haspel's job has been in danger specifically because of this, but Bill Barr has been somehow (?) protecting her. According to Ignatius, it may be directly related to Esper's firing, because Esper wrote a letter to dumb dick Director of National Intelligence John Ratcliffe last month "urging that the information not be released due to the harm it would do to national security, including specific harm to the military." In other words, please don't declassify this shit simply because Dear Leader is an idiot and thinks it would do TOTAL VINDICATION to him.

Hey remember last time Ratcliffe declassified something? Remember when he declassified literal Russian intelligence chatter that suggested that the Russia investigation was a Deep State plot started by Hillary Clinton? You know, because in Trump's America, there's no need for the Kremlin to do covert propaganda to Americans, since the Office of the Director of National Intelligence will just release it on its own letterhead.

So maybe it is that. Maybe that's why these wild-eyed paste-eating idiots are getting new jobs at the Pentagon and the NSA. Maybe it's also the thing about destroying evidence. Maybe it's ALL OF THEM KATIE.

It only gets stupider from here.

[Washington Post]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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