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Former White House counsel Don McGahn is about to be famous, and he has Donald Trump to thank for it, just like the winners of "The Celebrity Apprentice," hosted by Donald Trump! Except it's sort of a backhanded "thanks" McGahn owes Trump, because he's gonna be famous because Trump constantly asked McGahn to commit crimes for him, McGahn repeatedly refrained from doing so, and he took notes of all that stuff and told it to special counsel Robert Mueller, and now he gets to go tell Congress all about it in front of a live studio audience.

Trump is going to be so fucking pissed. Hell, he's already so pissed at McGahn for cooperating so well with the Mueller investigation -- because Trump told him to! -- that in retaliation he fired McGahn's law firm Jones Day this weekend from working for his campaign. Yes, he fired the only decent law firm in DC still willing to work for him, because of his sad wounded ego feelings.

In the New York Times, Michael Schmidt refers to McGahn as the "unofficial narrator" of the Mueller Report, and having read all four-hundred-eleventy pages of it, we can attest to the truth of that. (His name comes up 157 times, per Schmidt.) If/when the Mueller Report is turned into a hilarious Broadway musical, the role of McGahn will be the narrator figure who moves the action along, and sometimes joins in it for himself.

Jerry Nadler has subpoenaed McGahn to come narrate the action for the House Judiciary Committee on May 21. Because McGahn was there for ALL OF IT.


He was there for all of Trump's improper attempts to interfere with Jeff Sessions's recusal, and he participated in them in at least one instance. He was there for most of the events surrounding the firing of James Comey, and he MADE NOTES. He was up close and personal with the original "you're fired!" letter Trump and Stephen Miller drafted, where Trump admitted he was firing Comey over the Russia investigation. He heard Trump say before Comey's testimony to Congress that it would be the "last straw" if Comey wouldn't publicly say Trump wasn't under investigation.

Once Mueller was appointed, Trump called McGahn at home and begged him to call the Justice Department and have Mueller fired, because of bullshit "conflicts" Trump pulled out of his ass. He was so disturbed by it, by Trump trying to make him do what he called "crazy shit," that he literally went to the White House to get his things, in anticipation of resigning rather than carrying out the unlawful order. His chief of staff Annie Donaldson was also prepared to resign, and McGahn documented every bit of this.

When the news found out about Trump's illegal orders to McGahn, Trump went ballistic and tried to get McGahn -- who was already cooperating with the special counsel's office -- to publicly lie and deny the story, and to create a fake White House record saying Trump never ever asked him to get Mueller fired. McGahn wouldn't do it. During this time, Trump met with McGahn -- a guy he considered a "lying bastard" -- in the Oval Office and bitched at him for taking notes (did we mention McGahn took copious notes?), because the Roy Cohn-type lawyers Trump likes never take notes. McGahn responded that he takes notes because he's a "real lawyer," hey President Dipshit, ever met a real lawyer? (They're the ones who are usually sitting across the center aisle in the courtroom from you, if you catch our drift.)

Here, it is our favorite passage from the Mueller Report:

And these are just the stories Mueller asked McGahn about. One would imagine that, in his role as White House counsel in the most lawless White House in American history, he has MANY MORE STORIES to tell. Plus, as the White House counsel is not the personal attorney of the president, but rather for the presidency itself, he won't have to deal with a whole bunch of stinky privilege issues in deciding what stories to tell.

Of course, the attacks have already started. Rudy Giuliani has said McGahn is just hopelessly "confused" -- yes that's right, Rudy Giuliani called another human confused -- and accused McGahn of telling multiple versions of stories, which probably tells us more about Rudy Giuliani's reading comprehension than it does about McGahn's memory.

As for Trump, OH HE HAS BEEN SO MAD:


Did we mention how Donald Trump really doesn't like lawyers -- or people, for that matter -- who take notes? Sometimes they write down Trump's crimes! It is definitely for real Presidential Harassment.

Can you imagine what Trump's going to be like in the days leading up to McGahn's testimony, and also afterward? If the point of Jerry Nadler's subpoena was to drive Grandpa Dementia Shits into a hilarious white hot rage in which he embarrasses himself in front of God and every other world leader alive, subpoenaing Don McGahn was not a bad idea.

May 21 is coming. Enjoy it, Don McGahn, because we know we will!

[New York Times]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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