Donald Trump And Two Bigot Pastors Wish You All A Merry Jewish Christmas
Donald Trump held a White House reception to mark Hanukkah 11 days early yesterday, complete with a couple of popular rightwing Christian pastors, a signing ceremony for his great big I Heart The Jews executive order, and Jared Kushner closing out the event by lighting a menorah, and everyone chanting the traditional Hanukkah greeting, "Four more years!" We always thought it was "Next year in Jerusalem," and on a whole 'nother holiday, but what do we know? We leave a place at the table for Elijah Cummings.
Trump had wingnut pastor Robert Jeffress offer a few words to mark the Jewish holiday and Trump's incredible support among Evangelicals -- just as long as nobody calls this the "holiday" season.
Jeffress said he thinks Donald Trump is the "most pro-faith president in history," and thanked him for his support of the government of Israel, which is absolutely vital to making sure Jesus comes back to Earth, rapturing the Christians and killing all the Jews who fail to convert.
Mind you, some people who hate America, Donald Trump, and God's Chosen People went and pointed out that Jeffress has a hell of a record when it comes not to Israel, but to The Jews themselves. Back in 2009, Jeffress sermonized that no heathens, including Jews, will be making it to heaven, because that's just how salvation works.
Not only do religions like Mormonism, Islam, Judaism, Hinduism, not only do they lead people away from the true God, they lead people to an eternity of separation from God in hell. You know, Jesus was very clear. Hell is not only going to be populated by murderers and drug dealers and child abusers. Hell is going to be filled with good religious people who have rejected the truth of Christ.
Jeffress repeated the point in 2010, when he explained that Islam and Mormonism are "a heresy from the pit of hell," and added that "you can't be saved by being a Jew."
Jeffress: Mormonism From Pit Of Hell youtu.be
But don't you go calling that "anti-Semitic," because that very theological point was also stated by "the three greatest Jews in the New Testament, Peter, Paul, and Jesus Christ."
Haaretz, clearly rejecting salvation, notes that when Jeffress also attended last year's opening of the US Embassy in Jerusalem, Mitt Romney objected to the great evangelist's presence, tweeting, "Such a religious bigot should not be giving the prayer that opens the United States Embassy in Jerusalem." See? Heretics gonna heretic.
Also invited to take part in the festivities was pastor John Hagee, who appears to have been in a non-speaking role. Maybe that's because while Hagee loves him some Israel, he has some weirdass thoughts about how the Holocaust was a necessary unpleasantness to get the Jews into the Holy Land again for their own good. In 2008, Hagee explained Adolf Hitler was all part off God's great plan:
Then God sent a hunter. A hunter is someone with a gun and he forces you. Hitler was a hunter. And the Bible says -- Jeremiah writing -- 'They shall hunt them from every mountain and from every hill and from the holes of the rocks,' meaning there's no place to hide. And that might be offensive to some people but don't let your heart be offended. I didn't write it, Jeremiah wrote it. It was the truth and it is the truth. How did it happen? Because God allowed it to happen. Why did it happen? Because God said my top priority for the Jewish people is to get them to come back to the land of Israel.
You know, just like slavery was all part of God's plan to bring the Gospel to Africans.
This "God" dude, if He's all-powerful, you'd think He might use a less genocidey way to send a message. Mile-high flaming words on the moon, perhaps. Also, this is one excellent Twitter handle:
Then the assembled worthies watched the menorah being lit 11 days early, and a chant of "Four more Years!" went up, as is traditional at this festive time of year. Which strikes us as a bit excessive -- God only miracled the Maccabees enough oil to last eight additional days, not 1,460 of 'em.
Oh yes, and as alert tweeters noted, there truly is an old Trump tweet for all occasions:
No, we don't recommend putting candles in them. Flaming shots maybe.
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Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.