265 Comments

Question: "If you died right this minute would you go to heaven?"

Correct Answer: "Will you be there?"

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Remember that time Jesus preached about not judging anyone? When you say someone is going to hell, you're doing what he told you not to do. So...you know, probably don't show your ignorance so much?

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I'd pay to see that happen.

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Oh come on. God is all powerful except when it's bad stuff and the devil gets his way. or something like that.

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I can't help myself; I MUST have a T-Rex menorah.

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Get this; Jesus the omnipotent Son of God CANNOT return to Earth unless a specific piece of land in the Middle East is occupied by those who profess Jewish faith.

Doesn't sound so omnipotent to me. Why does God/Jesus have to have preconditions before returning? "I would LOVE to come back but the demographics don't work right now. Sorry! I'll check back later. God out!"

No, I don't respect your "beliefs". You are delusional. Delusion is a mental health deficit. Get help.

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Jeffress said he thinks Donald Trump is the "most pro-faith president in history,"

Please correct me if I'm wrong, but, if true, wouldn't that make Trump pro-Muslim and pro-Satanist as well?

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We ask all men and boys to wear them at our conservative synagogue. Many women do(I wear a kippah and tallit) but we don’t ask women to wear kippahs.

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And Pastafarians. Get the Colander.

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Yeah, but according to evangelists, Jesus is really The Terminator.

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Don't forget his personal pastor Paula White, who speaks languages no one else knows.

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Paula the Pilferer appeals to the con artist and thief side of his personality.

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The G_d of love will not hesitate to rain hellfire and brimstone to make His point, don'tcha know?

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We're having a Happy ChanukahSo drink your gin and tonicahBut don't smoke marijuanicah-I don't remember who sang this.......

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