265 Comments
User's avatar
Maybe's avatar

Question: "If you died right this minute would you go to heaven?"

Correct Answer: "Will you be there?"

Jeff Mc Donald's avatar

Remember that time Jesus preached about not judging anyone? When you say someone is going to hell, you're doing what he told you not to do. So...you know, probably don't show your ignorance so much?

Bebecca's avatar

Oh come on. God is all powerful except when it's bad stuff and the devil gets his way. or something like that.

tiredsucker's avatar

I can't help myself; I MUST have a T-Rex menorah.

tiredsucker's avatar

Get this; Jesus the omnipotent Son of God CANNOT return to Earth unless a specific piece of land in the Middle East is occupied by those who profess Jewish faith.

Doesn't sound so omnipotent to me. Why does God/Jesus have to have preconditions before returning? "I would LOVE to come back but the demographics don't work right now. Sorry! I'll check back later. God out!"

No, I don't respect your "beliefs". You are delusional. Delusion is a mental health deficit. Get help.

David Eisemann's avatar

Jeffress said he thinks Donald Trump is the "most pro-faith president in history,"

Please correct me if I'm wrong, but, if true, wouldn't that make Trump pro-Muslim and pro-Satanist as well?

andreamd's avatar

We ask all men and boys to wear them at our conservative synagogue. Many women do(I wear a kippah and tallit) but we don’t ask women to wear kippahs.

Nightflyer's avatar

And Pastafarians. Get the Colander.

Nightflyer's avatar

Yeah, but according to evangelists, Jesus is really The Terminator.

NIcholas Harpole bends space's avatar

Don't forget his personal pastor Paula White, who speaks languages no one else knows.

Ellie still exists in 2023's avatar

Paula the Pilferer appeals to the con artist and thief side of his personality.

Jay Hansen (I.C.E.B.U.R.G.)'s avatar

The G_d of love will not hesitate to rain hellfire and brimstone to make His point, don'tcha know?

Jay Hansen (I.C.E.B.U.R.G.)'s avatar

We're having a Happy ChanukahSo drink your gin and tonicahBut don't smoke marijuanicah-I don't remember who sang this.......