But he'll kick them out with great heart

Donald Trump spent his Easter Sunday reflecting on the Gospels' message of love and peace, plus watching "Fox & Friends" and having a meltdown about all the scary brown people trying to sneak into America because Democrats are evil. We think he's a little unclear on the whole "whatever you do for the least of these brothers and sisters" part.

Just as Christ used parables, Trump distilled his Easter homily into a series of bile-soaked Tweets:

There's a whole lot to unpack there; let's start with those "caravans," which were the focus of a couple of scary "Fox & Friends" segments about a caravan of asylum-seekers from Central America. As ABC News reports, there really is a group of about 1,200 Central Americans traveling north, organized by a group called "Pueblos Sin Fronteras" (People Without Borders) with the goals of calling attention to human rights in Central America and American anti-immigrant policies; traveling together in a large group also gives them a bit more protection from human traffickers and robbers who often prey on migrants.

Alex Mensing, a representative of Pueblos Sin Fronteras, told ABC News that as the group makes its way north, the marchers will be making contact with lawyers from Mexico and the USA about seeking asylum in one country or the other. He also pointed out that while some members of the march may go it alone and try to cross the border illegally, most will head for an official port of entry in California, Arizona, or New Mexico, depending on which of several trains they're able to hop. Mensing said most of the migrants will claim asylum when they get to the border, and are fully aware they're likely to face detention once their asylum claims are heard, right there at the border crossing stations:

“We accompany them to an official port of entry,” he said. “People aren’t going to unofficial points of entry.”

Fox News, of course, referred to the group as an "army of migrants marching to America" and a "small migrant army marching toward the United States." Gotta build a 2,000-mile wall to make sure the migrants who were already headed to an official port of entry know where it is. Also, America First!

The Idiot in Chief was at it again this morning, because either "Fox & Friends" was still hyping the story, or he didn't notice he was watching Sunday's piece again on TiVo:

Trump's claims that the asylum seekers are all out to take advantage of DACA are, as the Washington Post points out, pure hooey:

In his comments Sunday, he appeared to be confused about the rules of the program. To qualify, immigrants must have lived in the United States since 2007, have arrived in the country before age 16 and have been younger than 31 on June 15, 2012. No one arriving in the country after that date is eligible.

Buzzfeed reporter Adolfo Flores, whose Friday story on the migrant caravan set off "Fox & Friends" in the first place, tweeted Sunday that, no, none of the marchers were being lured north by that sweet DACA amnesty:

Trump also chinga'd the perro in his mention of "catch and release," which, no, is not a law passed by Democrats. It's not even an actual policy; it's really just slang, if anything,

shorthand for immigration officials freeing up detention center space by allowing immigrants to remain at large if they are not seen as security risks. The Trump administration has frequently claimed that the policy ended when the new president took office.

But detention centers have continued releasing low-risk immigrants, as the backlog of immigration court cases reaches the hundreds of thousands.

Oh, hey, how about how the Great Big Beautiful Wall will stop drugs from coming into the US? Oopsies, once again, there's a WaPo debunking:

The budget for the U.S. Coast Guard stayed flat in 2018 despite spending increases across the Pentagon (the Coast Guard falls under the Department of Homeland Security). But the service seizes three times as much cocaine moving by sea as what U.S. agencies intercept at border checkpoints, putting a dent into Trump’s argument that a border wall would dry up the supply of hard drugs in the United States.

Thanks a lot, WaPo -- your obstinate fact-checking just made the wall ten feet higher.

So, is anything actually going to change as a result of Trump's declarations -- twice now -- that DACA is dead? Who the fuck knows? It's Trump! Courts have already blocked the administration from deporting Dreamers, and a tweet can't override that. But that doesn't mean Trump won't try. Remember, his tweets are all Official Policy Statements, including the ones about who should play him on SNL.

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[ABC News / WaPo / Buzzfeed / WaPo]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Ever since Ruth Bader Ginsburg successfully underwent surgery for lung cancer, conservative sites and message boards have been trafficking in a ridiculous theory that she is actually dead and that there is some kind of Weekend at Bernie's-esque conspiracy to pretend she is still alive.

Now, one would think that her recent public appearance at a concert held in her honor would have put this to rest. Alas, it did not. Rather, the "researchers" (as they hilariously call themselves) determined that the concert was actually her funeral.

No. Really. That was a thing.

I admit that I gave this a lot more thought than I should have. Like, how did they think this would go? How long did they imagine this would go on for? Why would they risk having a full on funeral concert, open to the press? Wouldn't they just have not bothered to have a funeral at all? And what did these people think was going to happen when it was announced that she died for real? Or did they think that we were going to pretend that she is immortal and thus never announce her death? It's so confusing!

Being very up to date on the "RBG is secretly dead!" nonsense, I was very curious about which way the "anons" would go with this when they announced her return to work on Friday. They did not disappoint!

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Yesterday afternoon, 45-year-old Gary Martin of Aurora, Illinois was let go from his job at the Henry Pratt Company, a factory that manufactures water valves. In response, he took out a pistol with a laser scope and began shooting at random. He killed five people and injured six others who were just trying to make it through the day at the water valve factory, and then the police killed him.

His mother said he was "stressed out." He "seemed fine" according to the clerk at the Circle K where he bought his cigars that morning. His neighbor thought he was a nice guy. Some people were surprised, others were not.

This kind of thing used to be shocking, but it's a story we're used to now. It gets repeated at least once a month. It's just what happens now, and we can't do anything about it because we can't do anything about gun control. This is, the Right has decided, just the price we all have to pay so they can stockpile guns for funsies, and take sexy pictures of guns shoved in their pants. This is the blood that waters their special tree of liberty.

It's fucking exhausting. And stupid. We shouldn't have to live this way. No one should have to live this way. But we do. Why? Because some day some yahoos might want to overthrow the government, which is (of course) a completely legal thing to do, and their "right" to do that must be protected. So it's literally just never, ever going to stop.

Gary Martin, like most other mass shooters, also had a history of violence against women. In 1994, in Mississippi, he was convicted for stabbing one. He should not have been able to get a gun after that. I would like to know how and why he was able to get that pistol with the laser scope that he killed five people with yesterday afternoon. Maybe someone gave it to him. Maybe he bought it somehow. Maybe someone forgot to do a background check. Maybe he bought it from someone who didn't have to do a background check.

I am so goddamned tired of writing this article. I am out of things to say.


Martin apparently bought the gun after successfully applying for an Illinois state Firearms ID. That license was revoked after he applied for a concealed carry license and was rejected due to his prior felony conviction in Mississippi, but no one bothered to see if he still had a gun.

Via USA Today:

"During the fingerprinting and background process it was discovered that he had a felony conviction for aggravated assault out of Mississippi," [Police Chief Kristen] Ziman said. "It should be noted that this conviction would not have shown up on a criminal background check conducted for an FOID card."

That seems like it might be a problem, no?

It has also since been revealed that Martin had a domestic battery arrest in 2008 in Aurora.


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